Me and my partner have been dating for about a year now and I’m scared to bring up any issues or feelings I have with him because he always takes it personally. He’s a very lovely man and incredibly smart, especially emotionally(at least i think). But I could ask him to change a tiny behavior or to not do something and he freaks and goes on about how ashamed and guilty he is, this’ll maybe last for a few weeks. Or I could say how he did X and how that hurt me and then quickly it’s turned onto him and how terrible he is. I can’t bring up any issue because it leaves him feeling bad and makes it feel like it’s my fault. What can I do to make it better?
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Manipulation.
Just because he feels emotions, doesn’t mean he’s smart with them.
If he’s pulling shit like this he’s NOT smart with his emotions.
This reminds me so much of my childish toddler of an ex. Whenever I brought up something that was important to me that he didn’t like, he would shut down completely. Pulling the hoodie up and tight around his face, no talking, a dramatic stare.
It took me a few years to discover that relationship communication generally shouldn’t go like that. And if you’re with someone who cares, they will try their best to listen.
If he wanted to change for you he would.