So for context me and my girlfriend have a child together and have known eachother since start of secondary school we have our arguments and I get kicked out alot because I have cleaned to a good enough standard or I “justify”everything apparently even when I’m just trying to explain why I did something a certain way. Anyways anytime we argue there’s certain arguments where she will cut herself and say I’m the reason she is doing it and that I make her want to kill herself and so on. However when we aren’t arguing we are able to get along so well and we will kiss,have intercourse, do normal couple things but when an argument occurs it all goes exact opposite and I’m told she fking hates me and how I should just kill myself etc. I really don’t know how to feel or how she feels about me genuinely but what I do know is for some reason I’m so drawn to her in a way I can’t describe and feel like I’m not able to do anything right to avoid an argument. Any advice is greatly appreciated.🙂
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Next time she threatens to kill herself, call emergency services and give her a taste of what could happen. Besides that: I know you have history, but do you actually need this shit?
Your girlfriend is abusive.
It’s not your fault, you aren’t a bad partner. She is abusing you.
Please for your own and your child’s safety, work on a plan to get out.
Get the fuck out with the kid, call social services and demand custody based on mental illness, mental abuse and possible danger to your child and yourself. Done. Been with a bipolar nutcase myself and it’s up and down until you shoot yourself.
She’s being manipulative if she’s blaming you for her self harm. She’s being either borderline abusive or all the way abusive if she’s doing things like kicking you out if you haven’t cleaned well enough (listen, I’m older than you and have been doing a very mediocre job cleaning and have been threatened with homelessness zero times because of it). Just from reading your title, I was coming here to tell you to leave her, but now I see you have a child.Â
Here’s what I sincerely want for you: get some counseling. There’s nothing wrong with you!! Counseling will help you get some perspective on what’s normal and not normal because when we live with a person and especially when we are young, their behavior seems fine to us even when it isn’t. You need to be able to learn what’s okay to put up with and what isn’t, and to learn how to stand up for how you are feeling in your relationship.
I want you to keep any texts/evidence of her behavior. If she threatens to harm herself or says something scary or mean, save the text. If she says it to you verbally, send a follow up text like, “when you said today that you think I should kill myself, it really upset me.” She may reply. Boom. Now take a screenshot. You now have evidence that she’s being abusive.Â
Look into consulting a lawyer. I’m not sure what your financial situation and support systems are like, but I am worried about your child being with this kind of mother. Men who seek custody do get it, despite what you may have heard. But you need to be smart. Document, document, document, and take that to a lawyer and discuss your options. If she’s threatening self harm and in the habit of flying off the handle when you haven’t scrubbed the house well enough, what is she going to be like as a mother as baby gets older? Your child deserves to be safe and happy, and she may not be a parent who can provide that. But maybe you can.
I understand that sometimes you guys get along great and have fun, but remember that if she was awful 100% of the time, you would have been out of there a long time ago. So she trickles her awfulness in between being nice. That doesn’t mean you have to put up with the worst of her behavior. Look at how she makes you feel when she’s being her meanest and make your decisions based on that. Good luck to you and your little one!!
That’s so incredibly abusive damn, way too far. I agree with another commenter saying to get the paternity test done just in case. But yeah wow please leave. I walked in on one of my ex bf’s c*tting himself because I guess I didn’t hear him for a moment. He ended up cheating with minors so I don’t feel bad anymore. I still remember the pure shock and horror and idk anger that I felt in the moment walking in like it didn’t even feel real. It’s so wrong to say all those things just completely going after your self worth. You just don’t say those things to someone you love and frankly shouldn’t say it in general.
Nope, she’s not ok and her behaviour isn’t to be tolerated.Â