TL;DR: My bf is convinced I will cheat on him
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He was cheated on in his past relationships, and it has made him terrified that I will do the same to him. I understand why he is anxious about it, but it has turned into “please don’t cheat on me” into “I know one day your’e going to cheat on me”. It’s been making me really upset, because it makes me feel like he doesn’t believe in me and the kind of person I am. I would never do anything to disrespect and hurt him like that. Not only that, but I deeply love him. I tried to express this to him, and he is now claiming that that makes him think I have already cheated on him. I don’t know how to assure him I haven’t cheated and will never cheat on him. He has no reason to be suspicious of me. I don’t really go anywhere, I’m a homebody and really only leave my house to grocery shop and go to work and school.
Comments
Dude needs therapy – there’s nothing that you’re going to be able to do to reason him out of his irrational obsession.
His feelings are his responsibility, not yours. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING you can do will eliminate his anxiety. He’s the only one who can deal with those feelings. If you try to take responsibility for his anxiety, you will lose yourself to it and *still* fail to assuage it. I promise you this is true.
This isn’t healthy. He is pre-accusing you of cheating, suggesting you’re the sort of person who WOULD cheat. At best he’s not ready for a relationship and needs to work on his trust issues. I also have my suspicions, whether he’s doing it consciously or not, that he’s using this to control you. To force you to plead and reassure and behave in a way that couldn’t be misinterpreted…
Whatever the case, he doesn’t trust you. That’s not a foundation for a relationship.
You tell him to get help before his issues ruin the relationship. His past issues are not an excuse, and it’s not your responsibility to fix his issues.
His paranoia is not your problem to fix. You’ve done nothing wrong. He’s dragging the emotional baggage from past relationships into this one and dumping it at your feet like it’s your responsibility to carry.
I do get it. He’s traveling, then done wrong if he to leave it ultimately that has to be really unattractive and irritating for you to listen to every day maybe explain it to her and that point of view that you expect your man to be a man and not be whining like little baby about something that might happen in the future, but yeah, I agree with everyone else. He’s got to figure that out for his self if there’s no reason for him to think that, then that’s on him, it’s not your responsibility to deal with his irrational fears.
This isn’t your problem to solve.
This is a him problem that he should be working on himself.
This is manipulation to the point of abuse. I would t take it. Shut it down, don’t indulge it.
Is this the only deep psychological issue that has nothing to do with you at all that he’s made YOUR problem to fix?
He needs therapy. It is not your responsibility to regulate his emotions. There is nothing that you will be able to do to ease his mind or convince him that you won’t until he does the work on those still open wounds.
He shouldn’t be in a relationship. He is being controlling and accusing you of cheating. Just break up. He is already sure you are a cheater, why is he even with you?