We have dated for 4 years and been living together for 3. About a week ago I noticed some of my chats were marked as read even though I never looked at them. Didn’t think of it but then later I noticed her saying things that only me and my friends would know.
I thought for sure she went through my phone but I never mentioned it until last night when she accused my friend for ”wanting me to be single”. I asked her if she went through it and she told me yes. Idk if she has a tracker on my instagram as well because she comments instantly if girls follow me. She’s also accused me of turning off the snapmap even though i haven’t.
I feel kinda mad that she’s went through it. She acts like it was no big deal and that she regrets it. I haven’t asked her what she looked at and I’m not sure I would trust her since she never told me she looked through my phone until I asked her. How do I even proceed with this?
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Ngl I don’t think it’s that weird to go thru ur bfs or gfs phone esp if u live together, if y got nothing to hide why care.
I think you have two options here: break up with her, or tell her you’ll be willing to work through it if she goes to therapy. It’s not ok for her to go through your private messages or monitor your location.
Dude, Your sharing your entire life and bed with her. What do you care if she looks through your phone, unless you have something to hide?
If she thinks it’s no big deal, then why did she sneak behind your back and do it? Have you guys discussed the need to go through each other’s phones? Many couples do it, but would generally have some sort of discussion first and not be sneaky about it.
I don’t like that she makes all of these comments based on what she read, just for the sake of invading your privacy and feelings. Is this what you want from a relationship? Someone who does what she wants without caring how you feel?
So clearly she is insecure about something.
Imo sharing your phone code with your partner is absolutely fine because I’ve always done it but them looking through your chats etc without first talking about it, is a huge problem.
Your gf should talk to you about how she’s feeling about you and the relationship. If she thinks you’re being shady then she needs to address it in person with you before going through your phone. You, on the other hand, should be conducive to having this conversation with her if she is suspicious of you, even if you didn’t do anything wrong.
That being said, in my experience, people who stalk you and go through your phone have issues with boundaries. All relationships are based on respect, for yourself and your partner. Things usually don’t get better in relationships after this point.
Communicate openly and clearly with your partner but with empathy. Listen to her and try to address her concerns but also remember, if her insecurities are driven by things from the past, you have a long road ahead in this relationship.
At least she didn’t lie when you asked her. But you need to tell her this was a privacy violation and not to repeat it. Change all of your passwords and remove Face ID. And she needs to go to therapy for her trust issues.
You shouldn’t be in a serious relationship let alone living together if you care about her going through your phone. What are you hiding?
You must have given her a reason to suspect you, without that she wouldn’t have the need to go through your phone at night. She’s suspecting you’re at least flirting with other women if not cheating and that’s a huge issue not the one you’re trying to make which is your privacy. Besides, there is no privacy between couples if you truly love her you should just give her your phone without deleting anything.
She should be able to trust you and you should be able to provide her clarity that you’re not doing anything shady like many men do these days subscribing to OF etc.
You have cheated before… or you have done something that broke her trust, you broke boundaries obviously for her to behave that way since you lie to her in her face. You have shit to hide. You are young, you both are! You don’t want to be committed in a relationship with her. You are looking for advice on how to cheat and hide it better… or else you would give zero fucks about this topic. But since you have shit to hide… you are concerned. It’s not about PRIVACY… you are mad she’s catching your ass and on to you! If you don’t want her… leave her!! Problem solved!!
She’s insecure about something, why? Who knows…communication needs to start and talk about it. If you have nothing to hide then it shouldn’t be a problem. But also, sometimes the accuser is the guilty one.
The amount of controlling and toxic people in the comments who are defending snooping and invading your partners privacy is disturbing.
Even if you live together it doesn’t give anyone the right to go through your messages unless if it’s of opposite gender. If you can trust your partner they can ask you or you will tell them everything by yourself. Your friends could’ve shared their secrets with you thinking it will be just you. How would they feel if they got to know your girlfriend saw your texts with them? They can never feel safe to share with you. Your mother or father didn’t even go through your phone, why would your girlfriend? It’s not about trust, it’s about respecting your partner. I don’t think she should go through you and your friends conversations. If it was a female she suspected fine, you can reassure her or even show the texts to her. But just because she’s a girlfriend doesn’t give her a right to do these. That means she doesn’t trust you or you have given her a reason not to.
Dude low key, you need to reassure your long term girlfriend before she becomes an ex. She is struggling and it’s clear… for some reason that none of us know but maybe you, she has trust issues right now. There is something keeping her up at night and giving her the need to go thru your phone and see for herself, figure out if you care to repair whatever that could be
She does not trust you, there is no longterm relationsip without trust. Well, maybe there is, but you need to be superhero and your ability is taking shit from others.
My advice makes me a bit sad, but I was in a similar relationship and after 10 years I had to leave, otherwise it would have gone very, very ugly. Your woman needs help, serious help.
Most of the people in here advocate for going through each others phones as a means of catching cheaters and liars, so this isn’t the best place to ask.
Personally if I was in your shoes because I love my privacy as it is a comfort to not feel smothered and be alone in my essence (thanks to my parents who used it as a tatic), this would be bounds for breaking up as I will not be controlled or watched, even if it is due to insecurities, that is for therapy, not my breach of privacy.
On top of the fact, that she lied to you? So again, if I was in your shoes, that would bring back some esh-trauma and I’d start probably getting paranoid and have trust issues, worried that nothing I have for myself is safe and even private family things or doctors notes, therapy calls, literally I’d be worried everything is tracked and “hacked”.
So to me this hits a very specific nerve, especially if I felt safe and secure in the prior years with that person, so if you feel the same way, I’d say therapy wouldn’t help on your end with her as she is her own person and nothing is really stopping her from doing it again.