Apologies for the long post. My bf of 5 years went on a trip with his best friend 2 years back, and at a club there he danced with a random girl that he met. Per his account of the events (which he shared with me once he was back, and I had no other way of knowing all this) he went to a club alone because his friend was sick, saw a girl dancing, and joined her in the dance. He said it was fun and that he fixed her dress and tied her shoelaces as well. he said that something more could’ve happened that night, but he didn’t do anything because he thought of me. However, once he came back from the trip, they continued to have video calls. When she asked about his relationship status, he said he was in a ‘situationship’ (at that point, we had been together for over 2 years.) I was very hurt and told him he had to cut her out, which he eventually did and apologised for it as well. This has come up again now and then because I still feel hurt and sometimes just lash out at him using this. Coming to the main point, he recently said that this incident was a “core memory” of his. This made me upset, but he said he couldn’t help it because he had a good time, but he understood where I was coming from. I did tell him I forgave him, but I can’t seem to be able to get over this, especially after the core memory comment. Our relationship is rocky right now because I seem to have expectations that he cannot fulfil. Small things like follow-up texts and not disappearing in the middle of conversations. I am, by no means, the perfect gf, and he is not entirely flawed. He has a lot of positives about him. I do not want to quit so easy, but feel like i am also losing my sanity in this relationship. We are currently in ldr. How do i through navigate this? Please help
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My initial reaction is that he clearly broke your trust & even years later you haven’t been able to forgive him & move passed it (I don’t blame you, I’m sure I’d feel the same way as you if I was in your position), so you should break up with him. He doesn’t seem to have any real idea as to how much this event hurt you & if he does, he doesn’t care because bringing it up as a “core memory” would be disrespectful &/or dismissive.
I hated it when people said stuff like this to me when I was your age, but you’re young. You should break up with him & find someone who can love you better. I was in a 4+ year relationship in my early-mid twenties & while it was devastating when it ended because we had been together for so long, you will heal.
I’m sorry you’re in this position! But if you can’t truly forgive him, neither of you deserve to be in this dying relationship anymore.
It is valid to feel hurt especially since that moment still seems important to him in a way that bothers you. If trust hasn’t fully healed and communication issues continue it might be time to seriously talk about your emotional needs and whether you’re truly compatible long term. LDRs are tough without added baggage.
He likely trickled out the truth to you and only told you what he thought you’d forgive. This guy is an AH and has zero respect for you. Why do you stay?
I really wished people on this sub would use paragraphs. When people make lengthy posts, like this, it is tedious to read. People will otherwise just skip half of your post, and just respond to certain sections.
You need to clarify your relationship status with your partner. He referred to your relationship as a “situationship” which basically means it’s a friends with benefits scenario. You seem to be wanting a committed “romantic” relationship.
If you don’t discuss what you both want, you will constantly find yourself upset, and he will likely cheat on you. You both have to be an adult and learn how to communicate your wants and needs.
You are unable to move past this. That would be your answer. There seems to be no remorse or recognition of the hurt it caused. The video calls and situationship comment are a slap
In the face. I think more happened for it to be a core memory. I’m sorry you are caught up in this. There seems to be a lack of respect on your boyfriend part.