I (25M) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for almost two years. I’m “good looking,” but I’m not conventionally attractive. I’m not anyone’s specific “type,” and that’s something I’ve learned to accept.
Over the course of our relationship, My girlfriend seems to have a wandering eye, specifically for tall, white guys with dark hair. She’s told me she doesn’t really have a “type,” but her behavior suggests otherwise. When she sees someone like that in public, it’s not just a passing glance. She often tries to sneak looks when she thinks I’m not paying attention, and sometimes it feels like she can’t take her eyes off them.
To be clear, I also find other people attractive. That’s normal and human. But I make an intentional effort to be respectful with my eyes when I’m out with her. I never want her to feel like she’s competing for my attention, and I wish I felt that same consideration from her.
I’ve brought this up to her a few times. Each time, she either completely denies it or says she’s just “an observant person.” While I understand that people notice others, the way she behaves in these situations feels disrespectful to me. It’s frequent enough that it’s affecting how secure I feel in the relationship.
I’m starting to wonder if this behavior could become something more serious in the future. I don’t want to be overly sensitive, but I also don’t want to ignore my gut.
I’m not sure how to approach this anymore. Has anyone dealt with something similar in a long-term relationship? How do you navigate this kind of insecurity while still trying to communicate openly and fairly?
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Before you implode this relationship (and every potential future relationship) it would be worth undergoing some counseling to rid yourself of this crushing insecurity. That you equate your appearance to the reality that all people will notice someone exceptionally attractive is a give away that you’re not as confident as someone needs to be to maintain a relationship.
RIP
I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong. It’s when she’s talking to them that you might want to start asking questions. Or if you don’t feel you’re being given enough attention now or she’s crossing any boundaries in other ways.
These replies are wild so far.
If the sexes were reversed, the comments would be telling you to dump your “pig boyfriend” to find someone that values/respects you more.
This isn’t a “you” problem. If this is just a relationship you’re having fun with, continue doing so, but if you want something long term and sustainable – I personally wouldn’t want to date someone that isn’t 100% crazy about me.
Meh she’s only looking, a lot of people do that if they see someone attractive, if you trust her 100% then wandering eyes is not an issue. Its not like she’s going up to those guys and trying to pick them up.
How is she with you usually?
Does she make you feel loved and valued?
We all look but it’s definitely disrespectful to do it when your SO is around imo. I’d have another conversation about it with her – she may have felt defensive the first time you brought it up. Just try to paint it in terms of how you feel when she does it – not “you’re wrong for doing it”.
I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who was checking out other women when I’m with him, so I don’t see why a guy would want to be with a woman who checks out other men when he’s around.