My fiancée was my first ever girlfriend, and we dated really young. About a year into our relationship, she moved a couple states away but we didn’t break up. A few months after she moved, she broke up with me through text and we got back together 5 years ago, set to walk down the aisle in just 2 months.
So. My fiancée sat me down and she was very, very nervous. She was on the verge of tears and I honestly thought she was about to tell me that a family member died, but then she blurted out that she gave our baby up for adoption 16 years ago.
There’s really not much to say, partly because I don’t have the words right now. I didn’t really hear anything she said after that.
I don’t even know what I genuinely feel, but betrayed is definitely up there. Ok, I can understand her not telling me then to an extent. She was really young, just moved away, etc. But what about the past 5 years? Why did she only decide to tell me when our fucking child reached out. Imagine if she didn’t, then would this just have flown under the radar?
And the crazy part is, I saw pictures of the baby when I helped move her into my apartment. When I was moving her out, she had a ton of pictures of a baby in a hospital, but I thought nothing of it. Why would I?
The more I talk about it, the more hurt I am.
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Leave. Do not marry her. That is something you don’t lie about and there is literally no way to rebuild that trust. She robbed you of a human beings life. Please for your own good, leave her.
She should be your ex fiancee, absolutely awful
That’s unforgivable.
Updatebot, updateme
30 – 16 = 14. What am I missing, you got a 14 year old pregnant? Where does a 16 year old who gets a 14 year old pregnant belong?
Holy shit that is evil. I am so sorry she did that to you.
Damn. That’s pretty fucking rough for both of you. Has she explained why she didn’t tell you sooner?
You need time to process things before you make a decision. She probably was scared and didn’t even know how to bring the subject up, I imagine the hurt she felt / feels she is experiencing devastation as well.
She wanted to come clean she is a different person now give her a chance to heal and yourself to heal and see where it goes from here. Listen to what she has to say.. be open with her about your own feelings and thoughts.
The fact that she kept it secret until she no longer could is a huge betrayal. At the very least, put the wedding on hold. You may want to see a therapist to sort out your thoughts and feelings before you figure out your next step. Sorry you’re going through this, OP
There are things that are really difficult to say and the more the time pass the more the pain it feels when it came to the light, maybe for she was too heavy to charge that guilt and when she felt she couldn’t withstand so much she told you. I know it’s difficult to hear that after all have passed.
If you don’t feel safe with her anymore that’s on your end. The past can’t be change but I hope you can find the peace you need right now.
Hear her out
This is above Reddit’s pay grade. Definitely seek professional advice.
Was she ever going to tell you if your child didn’t reach out?
I’m guessing this might have been tough to forgive 5 years ago and much much harder now.
It’s ok to be hurt, but honestly, adoption was a really mature decision for a 14 year old to make. She should have come clean sooner, and it’s ok to feel grief about it, but she was still a kid herself – you both were. Neither of you were in a good place to raise a child.
These comments are annoying me, read the post yall. OP you definitely have a right to be upset but you were BOTH kids, very young kids and she probably never thought you’d get back together and then you did and the fear would’ve been all consuming I can imagine. I think therapy both individually and couples would really help. If I was giving birth at 14 I would’ve done the same thing she did.
She was 14!!
I highly doubt she was the only one making decisions at that time. I would have been so scared.
I think you could be sympathetic to how young you both were and how we don’t always make the best decisions.
However, it begs the question of why she never brought it up after you rekindled things?
I’d chalk it up to fear or a desire to forget it ever happened due to shame or pain. Take another stab at a conversation once you’ve had time to come to terms with this. Ask the questions you need answers to and then decide based on that.
But you got her pregnant at 14 and then she moved away. I’m sure at the time she f
Thought it was the best thing to do. Or her parents told her it was.