Narcissistic MIL in Therapy – Is Change Possible or Just Another Manipulation?

r/

My hubby recently started therapy with his mom, who has a long history of narcissistic behavior. She’s always needed to be the center of attention, plays the victim, love-bombs when she feels rejected, and manipulates those around her—including our kids—to get her way. After years of this, hubby gave her an ultimatum that they go to therapy or he is done trying.

First session:
My partner came home said MIL was defensive the whole session. Accused him of using therapy to cut her out and denied wrong doings from the past. It was clear she still saw herself as the victim.

Second session:
Total shift. She was calm, said she wants to learn how to communicate better, and acknowledged (at least superficially) that her son’s feelings are valid.She even apologized for some of the issues from the past that were brought up in the first session. She also expressed a willingness to keep showing up and working on things.

Now my partner feels cautiously hopeful. I’m extremely skeptical. This feels like a textbook narcissistic pattern—say the “right” things to avoid losing control, not because she genuinely wants to change.

Has anyone else seen this kind of flip from a narcissistic parent? Did it last? Was it genuine? I want to support my partner through this, but I also need to protect myself and our kids from more emotional fallout.

We have agreed privately that the kids will not see her for the first six months of therapy, but she is not aware of this yet.

Would love any insight or advice.

Comments

  1. botinlaw Avatar

    Quick Rule Reminders:

    OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.

    ^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)

    Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)

    Other posts from /u/Elegant_Ambition_959:

    ^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) ^(click here)


    ^(To be notified as soon as Elegant_Ambition_959 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Elegant_Ambition959 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)


    ^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)

  2. mama2babas Avatar

    You’re going to have to wait and see. If she’s blowing smoke, it won’t last. Once she finds out she’ll need 6 months of effort to see your children, she might lash out again.