In 2002 I was driving with some friends late at night and hit a woman who had drunkenly started walking into the street while walking on the sidewalk with her friends.
The lead up and immediate aftermath of the accident is nearly a total blur for me. i dont remember seeing her, the exact moment of impact, or even getting out of my car. but i remember coming upon her lying in the street, lying facedown and SCREAMING. her friends had swarmed around her, my friends had flooded out of my car and surrounded me, but everyone was dead silent except for her screaming
i walked to an angle where she could see me from where she was on the ground and one of her friends must have said something like “he was driving” and the girls wailing turned into a flurry of words directed at me. “YOU PARALYZED ME! YOU FUCKING PARALYZED ME!” “MY LIFE IS RUINED” “I CANT MOVE ANYTHING” in her frantic and panicked voice, muffled into the concrete
EMT arrived and brought her away in an ambulance, police arrived and arrested me thinking that i had been drunk driving. i was ultimately released and cleared of any legal wrongdoing
to make things worse, i was harassed by the girls family and friends for over a year because they believed the police were wrong about me not being intoxicated
i got in therapy and started working on forgiving myself for the accident and moving on with my life, and was somewhat successful for a few years. i tried to get in contact with the girl via her family to apologize and check on her condition, and i was informed that she had taken her own life just shy of 2 years after the accident.
at that moment, all of the work i had done on myself completely unraveled and i was right back to standing on that sidewalk, watching her and listening to her scream that i had ruined her life. except now with the knowledge that i had, essentially, actually TAKEN her life
From that moment on, ive brought that pain and guilt with me everywhere. i live a normal life. Got married, had kids, work and walk the dogs. But in all my quiet moments I hear her words and they eat at me
my family knows about everything that happened, my wife knows and my few remaining friends from those days. But I dont talk about it, because I feel too much guilt surrounding it. Just typing this out is probably the most Ive spoken on this accident in 20 years. i cant help but think that anyone who knows my “secret” thinks of me as a murderer.
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No they don’t. In Las Vegas, they say the driving is so dangerous because of the drunk people walking into traffic. I get you blame yourself. But she was drunk and walked into traffic. The cops do not let people off and I am guessing her family consulted attorneys to try and sue you. You were absolved of guilt and I am so sorry you’ve had to live with this. Please consider getting therapy again. You don’t deserve to live like this because of her actions.
Holy shit! This is well above Reddit’s pay grade, my friend.
I’m sorry this happened, man.
Sorry you feel that way, I know nothing anyone says can make a difference
Hope u heal from it, she was drunk and was at night u couldn’t do anything differently
You’re not a murderer OP. Things happen, she drank too much and she walked into traffic.
Get therapy, meds, etc.
This one is for the professionals. It won’t be easy. But it wasn’t your fault. You’re just an empathetic human being with a heart.
As a kid you get taught to not walk on the road specifically for situations like these. She was lucky to even be alive, it’s not your fault. You don’t expect people on the road… but you do expect cars
No, I don’t think you are a murderer or in anyway responsible for her death. It was a terrible accident. Terrible timing that she stumbled into the street at that exact moment you passed by. She is more responsible than you are for what happened. She was drinking, not you. I think her friends are more responsible for the accident than you are. Why did they let her drink so much she couldn’t walk straight? Please forgive yourself.
If this happened to your friend, you’d be begging them to listen that it wasn’t their fault. Begging them.
I’m begging you to do whatever it takes to forgive yourself. EMDR, hiking and screaming into the void of nature…whatever it takes. You deserve a life that isn’t plagued by guilt over her choice to get drunk and walk into a road. This isn’t and never was your fault. It was a freak accident for which you are not at fault. I’m so very sorry you are living with guilt, it’s truly the most gnawing, horrific emotion.
You didn’t take her life. It’s not your fault.
Forgiveness and grief isn’t linear, it certainly doesn’t follow any stages so by nature at times, you’re going to feel immense guilt and loathing at yourself. It’s generally thought that things get better with the passage of time but that’s not always the case especially with circumstances like you’re facing. Evidently you’re absolved of any guilt legally speaking but it doesn’t mean you won’t feel it in your practical life. I wish i or someone else here could give you a structured answer on how to overcome this dire situation, at the end of the day, you can only really get better with the help of a professional therapist.
You both were victims of the accident. She by walking into the street due to intoxication. You, not being able to stop your car. Both were accidents but one precipitated the other. You were the second link in a chain she started. You don’t know that her decision to end her life wasn’t based on the fact she couldn’t get over what she did by mistake.
Your friends don’t think you’re a murderer. I’m sure they know even though you couldn’t change things, you do still feel guilty. And that can be hard for people to watch.
I’m so sorry this happened to all of you. It wasn’t your fault.
Not your fault. Drunk people are a hazard to themselves and others.
Hi. Have you ever thought about what you’d tell a friend or family member if it were THEM who was driving? I think sometimes we don’t treat ourselves with the same love, compassion and kindness that we treat our friends and family members. You would most certainly not view them as a murderer, would you? If anything, you’d tell them, that they, themselves, were a victim too. A victim of terrible circumstances. You’d tell them to stop tormenting themselves, that it serves no purpose whatsoever.
You aren’t a murderer. Things happen. So many of us run into the streets without looking. Or we run a stop sign. Or swerve accidentally. But usually we are lucky and it doesn’t cause harm. You were unlucky in the same type of moment where many others aren’t.
I was an unlucky one. Also in 2002. And my friend and passenger was killed. Terrible things happen. Accidents happen. But that doesn’t mean we are irredeemable. Lifelong self punishment won’t bring anyone back. I felt guilt and shame so I focused on kindness and making a positive impact.
You can be okay.
What could you possibly have done differently?
If what you’re saying is the absolute truth; if you were not driving under the influence; if she was drunk and stumbled in front of your car…
I know people who have lost the use of their legs, who have lost their sight, who have suffered unimaginable disfigurement and who live productive lives. And I unfortunately have known many people who have died by suicide.
Please educate yourself about suicide.
You did not kill anybody. You have accepted responsibility that is simply not yours to accept.
I’m so very sorry this happened to you but I’m even sorrier that you have allowed this guilt to torture you for so many years.
Peace and love to you
Her death has brought back the guilt that you, clearly being empathetic, feel. For that reason, you may want to look at having therapy again. Whilst you were driving, you are a victim of her and her friends’ actions and poor choices: she chose to drink, she chose to get drunk, her friends chose to let her be intoxicated and clearly did nothing to prevent her from walking into the path of a car, especially during night when visibility is low.
My dad died in a car crash 20 years ago- he swerved around an obstruction into the path of a truck. Even from the beginning, we felt bad for the truck driver- we knew it wasn’t his fault but he would be suffering like you.
Sorry – ignore- I just learnt what NAW means, apologies 🤦♀️
EMDR would potentially be great therapy for you to try.
It won’t matter how many people say it’s not your fault you brain has gaps from the event, the bits you don’t remember and that’s why it can’t properly process the events and kind of file them away better and ultimately fully make sense of them ( like for example self forgiveness for an event that doesn’t need forgiving because you weren’t at fault)
I’ve had EMDR for a very different trauma and it was ultimately hard to re-visit, strange to recall details I just didn’t think were remembered and gradually piece it together and fully process it .
But for me it’s been very worth it, no more intrusive thoughts, triggering moments and underlying sort of acceptance that this ‘event’ would always be in my background.
It will take time and a good EMDR practitioner and likely expense but you are here, you have 1 life, make it a really great one for you and your family… time to get it off your chest to a professional with tools that have arisen since 23 years ago ?
Forgive but never forget.
you seem to be a decent person and i’m glad that at least you weren’t wrongfully accused. unfortunately there’d really be nothing you could’ve done differently in this circumstance. and you cannot blame someone else’s choice to end their lives either. hope you can consider therapy again. the guilt you’ve been carrying could consume you.
It was simply an accident as absolutely saddening as it is. You are not at fault and neither was she you were both in the wrong place at the wrong time the universe can be cruel like that at times.
There was a horrific accident and you have to live with the scars. It was not your fault; she was drunk, she walked into traffic. It was simply a terrible accident, and you were the easiest person to blame for the outcome.
You are also not responsible for her choice to take her own life. Depending on the circumstances, that was something that was missed by her medical team, when she would have been very high risk.
Please think about what you would tell your wife/children/best friend if they were in your position. You are not a murderer. You did not kill anyone. You were simply a victim of terrible accident.
as an car insurance adjuster, doesn’t sound like you’re liable for this
Damn, that’s rough. I’m sorry that happened.
Well, I now know your story and think nothing of the sort. You were not drunk. You were driving on the road not the sidewalk. You did nothing wrong.
She, however, was drunk and in the middle of the street. Her drunken carelessness ruined her life. Then she decided of her own volition (and someone’s help if she was a quadriplegic) to end her life.
You need to release that guilt for it is not yours to bear. Let it go. You do not bear the responsibility for her decisions and actions. Those are solely hers. Leave them where they belong.
Edited for spelling.
Most people who become disabled experience a temporary period of depression, grief, etc. but after a certain period of time (I forget the exact amount) studies show they actually reach their same baseline happiness/sadness that they had before obtaining their disability. This event was probably traumatic for her, but chances are she was already struggling when you hit her. Humans are resilient and often are able to adapt really well. It’s in our nature. I’m guessing you weren’t the cause.
I’m so sorry about what happened but this is not your fault in any way I’m sure you know that and you still feel guilty about it. But holding onto guilt will only cripple you.
I actually was involved in an accident with someone years ago. The fact was they hit me. They were speeding on their bike downhill when I turned a corner. But I felt guilty for years afterwards mainly because my own family made me feel bad for it. The woman herself never blamed me and she was injured (but not paralyzed).
Thankyou for sharing your story and
I doubt anyone blames you here. Her friends were really inappropriate and should have taken better care of her to make her not walk onto the street.
You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I remember walking with friends once and one guy stepped one foot onto the street-and a friend grabbed his jacket and yanked him onto the sidewalk right as a city bus went by. If not for that friend, our if there had been even a moment of hesitation, that could have been me and my friends.
You didn’t do anything wrong, you were just unlucky. She may not have deserved it, but it was still her fault, not yours.
From what you described, nobody could have done different. Please, please go back to therapy, any sort of therapy, and learn to forgive yourself. Nothing you did caused that situation, you just happened to be the one there.
I’m curious as to how a paralysed person take their own life
As I was reading this, I was wondering why you aren’t mad at her for ruining your life. She made the choice to get drunk and do unsafe things. You’ve got yourself so tangled up that I just wish there was some way to tilt your perspective a little so it’s not pouring 100% of the blame on you, because from an outsider’s perspective, that feels very unfair. I’m sorry this is still weighing on you so hard.
Sorry you feel like that, but it’s not your fault. Seek Christ, He can set you free from this guilt
She made an, admittedly drunken, decision to step out into the road. It’s no different from a deer running out in front of you, or even a skunk or opossum.
You should get back into therapy to continue working through this, I think. I say this because you haven’t felt like speaking even this much on the topic in approximately twenty years. That’s a long time to hold in all of those thoughts and feelings. It’s good you posted this to help get some of it out.
As a mother, I would be destroyed if my child died in this way. However, I would know that it was not your fault that it happened. It was an accident… a result of alcohol-fueled unsafe behaviors.
I’m just an internet stranger, but I forgive you.
Edit to add: She killed herself because she couldn’t live with the results of her actions. That has nothing to do with you whatsoever.
I mean that’s really not your fault.
She walked out into the street. Even if you have amazing reaction time there’s only so much you can do.
She was drunk and and with friends but none of them watched her to make sure she didn’t walk into the street?
Her family wasn’t there so they don’t know the situation. They’re acting and speaking on emotions, not on facts.
You didn’t take her life. An accident which wasn’t your fault impacted it and she ended her life years later. Sometimes terrible shit just happens. It would have been the same result regardless of who’s driving.
So its on the girl, no ops fault?
Anyone who knows your “secret” has absolute free will to not associate with you ….. and that is absolutely NOT the case, here…… they’re still all with you, OP.
Close to 35 years ago I worked with a girl who had a bad drinking problem. One night, driving drunk, late, in the winter & she decided to make a left turn into traffic and was killed when a truck with a snow plow coming from the opposite direction hit her very tiny car. She was killed instantly.
To this day …. I can recall The tow truck driver and how he reacted – taking the blame and thinking he was responsible for her death.
When really ? He’s lucky he was in his truck and was t hurt or injured himself. He was out working and she was out driving drunk with no seat belt on. SHE caused her own death …. That’s how we all saw it.
OP, the thing with guilt is that it reminds us to not do the “wrong” thing over and over again…. We fear the consequences.
You did nothing wrong. You were innocent in your involvement in another persons extremely poor judgement. You suffered the trauma of the “guilt” and you can’t be expected to hang onto that forever – because you didn’t make the choice. She did.
Doesn’t mean you can’t feel sorry for the outcome – or have empathy for her family/loved ones.. but, guilt doesn’t apply.
Be kind to yourself – hang in there.
Alcohol is pure evil. This wasn’t your fault, and I know you won’t listen to anyone who tells you that.
She walked out on the road drunk. She ruined her own life, and yours.
Wow this hits deep. In 2010, I was hit by a car on the way to school. New teen driver, didn’t see him.” I don’t remember the day, nor the few months that followed the coma. The brain injury made forming new memories incredibly challenging. I was in and out of the hospital for the next 3 years. I think the hardest part about the whole thing is I never got an I’m sorry* from the driver. That made me feel wronged. I hated this girl. But I never really thought about it from this POV. The accident happened to both of you. The both of us. A lot of hate was released from my heart, just now. I’m sorry this happened to you, Blue Bird. My heart is with you and I hope you carry on with me.
It’s okay… accidents happen. It’s not like you meant to do it on purpose 🤷🏻♂️. Why weren’t her friends watching her? why would she just walk into the street? Must’ve had way too much if she wasn’t thinking that clearly.
Maybe try giving back to the community or volunteer at a charity or something if you feel like “paying” for it.
This might be the saddest accident I’ve ever heard of. Neither of you were at fault, just horrible timing and chance that it happened. She likely wasn’t aware that she wandered off the sidewalk, and you couldn’t have known that she’d do that. Life isn’t fair at all I’m so sorry to you both
You are not a murderer. You honestly was a victim. I’m sure months later when that girl was thinking to herself, she realizes that it was her fault.
As long as you were actually sober and not speeding or driving recklessly, then you are just a victim in this situation. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to actually accept that if I was in the situation. I think it is all too human to blame yourself, but you are in no way at fault. (Again, assuming you were driving sober and safely, which you have stated you were).
I’m asking this in all sincerity, have you ever verified her death outside of her family?
I know this won’t make you feel absolved, but you were sober. She was drunk. So I suspect she was at least partially to blame for being hit.
I never comment on any posts, I always just read peoples stories and their life experiences. But for this one I just wanted to say that sometimes in life bad things happen and change people drastically. Whether it’s the person who caused it or the person impacted by it. I must say that I commend you OP, most people don’t have remorse, or an understanding for what they do to people. And I can say it gives me hope that there are still people out there that are people if that makes sense?
9 years ago I was hurt in a car accident and though not paralyzed I still to this day have regular monthly doctor appointment and procedures. I developed POTS dysautonomia from the accident along with a messed up neck and shoulder for life.
My dad was the cause of the accident because he was careless and not paying attention to what he was doing. I got hurt, he didn’t. And throughout all these years he has never shown remorse. I lost my life that night. In the way that doesn’t allow you to be a person anymore. Neurologists put me on a no drive order. I lost friends. I’ve become a recluse from being a social butterfly and yes at times I’ve contemplated suicide and attempted to hang myself once.
I think if my dad had taken accountability for his actions I would be different, I may be less angry at what I have had to endure.
But like I said, I commend you for your remorse. You can’t fix what happened and you can’t take back what she did to herself. But you have an understanding of the severity of what our actions can impact on people, and that is rare.
I can’t tell you how you should feel or if you should forgive yourself, life moves on. The best thing we can do is never forget and try to be the best version of our self every day.
She chose to drink that night despite knowing the risks associated with alcohol. So by all means its her fault, don’t be so hard on yourself.
My Dad usto be a bus driver and he hit an 18 year old on a 125cc who was on the wrong side of the road racing one of his friends.
He went under the wheels of my Dads bus. My Dad got out and the guy made eye contact with my Dad as he died… he literally starred my Dad down as he passed away.
This was around the same time.. 2001/2002 and the lads family literally harassed us for years and even somehow found out where we live, we had to move house and get restraining orders. It didn’t help that the police informed his family that he was on the wrong side of the road and there is nothing my Dad could have done.
Anyway 23 years later my Dad still blames himself and i know he often thinks about it. But it isn’t his fault in the same way it wasn’t yours.
My point is the way you feel is completely normal.. but it isn’t your fault.
I feel you. Your story hit me deep. 15 years ago my 25 yr old son was in an accident and hospitalized, I had to make “that decision”.
It haunts me to this day. My second son (who was 21 at the time) was screaming at me.
I’ll never forget.
I think of it daily, but I don’t talk about it l because, well, because, why. What would it change.
I now live for my other children. That’s what keeps me going.
I’m so sorry you experienced and are experiencing this horrific situation.
From one traumatized human to another,
I want to hug you.
She was drunk, she suddenly wandered into the street.
You were not drunk, you did not abandon her, you stopped to check if she was okay.
She blamed you. Her friends blamed you. They harassed you for over a year over something that wasn’t your fault. It looks to me like she ruined your life.
You are not a murderer, it was a very unfortunate event that happened to both of you. PLEASE do not let this cause any more issue than it already has and get some help. You have children now, you cannot let this hurt them too
Please look into EMDR with a psychologist. There are variations of ways to do it. It worked on myself, my mom and a friend. I think it would help you.
Dear op. First of all im gonna start bu givlng you a gigantic virtual hug. Second
Sweetheart this wasnt your fault, you did NOT kill this girl. She got drunk and walking out on the street infront of your car. You did NOT have a chance to change the outcome. She has chosen to end her life. I dont know how paralyzed she got..but alot of people that has known the freedom of walking gets really depressed about not being able to, at the same time, she had to live with that her stupid choices was the cause of it. You did NOT kill her. She killed herself because she couldn’t live with the consequences of her choices. Is it sad? Absolutely. I feel very much for the both of you. You where both victims that night. The difference is, she gave up by her own choice still a victim instead of a survivor. You didnt..you fought long and hard for the life you have now despite of the trauma and guilt. So dear op. Go back to therapy, keep fighting for yourself, your family and kids.
You didn’t drive while intoxicated. You didn’t drive outside the road. You didn’t run away when you realised someone was hit. I assume you weren’t speeding either.
You didn’t choose to have a girl suddenly walking in front of your car in the middle of the night.
It seems you were both victims of her careless actions and unlucky that your paths crossed in that moment.
Her family and friends coming at you is a common behaviour, it is easier to direct their anger at someone than accept that it was no one’s fault or their own loved one’s fault.
You are not a murderer.
You can’t change what happened that day.
I was once walking late at night down a road that had no street lights and no sidewalk (country road). I was also wearing black because, well, that’s my wardrobe, I’m a metalhead, lol.
Like a moron, I momentarily lost track of what side I was on and a car came around the bend and almost took me out.
I felt HORRIBLE because I gave that driver the fright of their life and if they’d hit me, it would’ve 100% been my fault. Especially as I was completely sober and well aware that it was dark, there was no moon, I was wearing black, etc. I should’ve been more responsible. Short version: I fucking learned from it.
So when I read your post, I didn’t automatically think you were an evil murderer, just a guy who had the bad luck to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It happens.
Sometimes the onus really is on the pedestrian. And as harsh as it sounds, just because she was paralyzed doesn’t mean her life was over. Plenty of people still have rich, full lives despite being paralyzed. Yes, it’s a difficult transition, and you have to relearn how to do almost everything, but it’s not death. Personally, I’d just be grateful that paralyzed was all that happened. I’d rather be paralyzed than dead, even though it would mean I couldn’t travel any more, and wouldn’t be able to drive any more. Sure, I’d have my dark days, but there’s still so much to live for.
I’m sure everyone in your life’s told you this, but it’s not your fault.
With all due respect, it happened. It wasn’t your fault and there is nothing you could have done to prevent that fate. You didn’t drive intoxicated and did everything correct, sometimes it is physically impossible so prevent someone’s injury or death in certain situations. People get injured and die, life goes on. Stop blaming yourself for something you had no way of changing. Get back into therapy
You wasn’t at fault she walked into the middle of the road drunk if it wasn’t you it be someone else, please forgive yourself it wasn’t your fault
Not your fault. Shit happens
I feel like the friends of the paralysed girl haven’t gone through the five stages of grief yet.
I mean, if they had kept her drunk self on the sidewalk, then none of this would have ever happened. They could have had her walk in front or behind or simply squeezed in closer together? They need someone to blame so they can hide from their own guilt. They’re in denial.
But at the end of the day, she was the one who decided to walk in the road. Yes, she was drunk. But she could have decided not to drink so much that her judgment is fucked?
It’s a vicious circle. We could be going over what-if’s all day.
Yes, what happened is tragic for everyone. But it’s an accident. It’s okay to feel bad. But there is no guilt or blame here.
It’s that weird thing people in groups do now. They make roadblocks so people on the opposite side of the sidewalk can’t even pass without having to walk into the road and risk themselves.
I have an irrational fear of being hit by cars. So when facing a roadblock of family members or friends, I stand still and cover my head with my arms and posture myself as if im preparing to be tackled.
Yea, they get mad. But I’d rather pick a different way to die. Like, I was almost ran over by a monster truck at Truckfest around this time last year. That would have been an amazing way to go.
She was drunk and walked into the road, u cannot be blamed for that, u wasn’t intoxicated so your reactions wasn’t slowed down, u did all u could u stopped at the scene u proved u wasn’t intoxicated, as sad as it is people will always try and blame someone else, she only has herself to blame, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT sending u a massive bear hug 🤗
Continue with therapy. This woman make a drunken mistake. It was an accident, but you wre in no way responsible for it. If you had been, you would have been arrested and charged.
Being drunk and incapable while on a sidewalk means you get home and feel rubbish in the morning. She left the sidewalk and walked into the path of an oncoming car. Maybe she intended to. Maybe she was just too drunk to recgnise the risk. But this was a consequence of her actions. It was too serious a consequence, but it was still from her actions.
One thing that might help you is to volunteer to speak at schools. Tell them the story. Let them draw their own conclusions about looking out for drunk friends if walking home, driving with an eye on what could happen if someone suddenly veers into the road, and the lasting consequences of momentary decisions and accidents that blight the lives of too many people both directly and indirectly.
You are not a murderer. You did not take a life. The girl was drunk and did not deserve to die, but it was an accident of her doing. And finally her choice when she felt she had no other.
There’s nothing to forgive yourself for, OP. No action on your part led to this event, it happened to you, not because of you.
Somehow you need to let it go and stop blaming yourself, for it was not your fault. The accident or the girl taking her life are not your fault. Somehow release the blame, guilt or what ever. I send love and hugs. Good luck.
wish i did that
This is a very sad accident. But don’t ruin your life and the life of the ones who love you by blaming yourself constantly. You cannot make it undone and you cannot make things better with these feelings.
You owe her and yourself to live your life.
Forgive yourself, you haven’t done anything wrong!
Your regret is understandable. Your guilt is too but it’s unfounded. And you need to start understanding that all that followed was not because of you, but because of free will. That allowed individuals to make choices and the choices they made were not based on that event, but shaped by all that came before it and you. If you could go back and change the outcome, would you? Of course. To be forgiven for ANYTHING, all we have to do is ask. Forgiving ourselves is so much more difficult. I’ve got you on my prayers now and I hope you find peace.
She jaywalked to drunkenly to road and paid the price, move on.
The police wouldn’t have cleared you if you were at fault. Period. Sometimes bad stuff just happens. It’s easier for the family to blame you to take their anger out somewhere. And it was easier for the victim to blame you at the time but the hard truth is that she shouldn’t have gotten so drunk she ran out into traffic. We all do dumb stuff. Unfortunately hers made a life changing situation for herself. I hope you can find peace eventually.
Suicide prevention and Rehab worker here, plenty of experience with people who have done some heinous things and been through some terrible stuff. Please take this with my most sincere intent of compassion.
If you didn’t feel devastated, that might mean you weren’t sad and you weren’t sorry about it. It’s an appropriate pain to have.
You’ll carry it for life, so live your life very well as she didn’t get to live hers. Nobody is able-bodied forever, and believe me, I’m very sorry she didn’t see a way forward for herself. But if you are, live that way.
It may help to find a meaningful way to honour her, like donating to a SCI organization or volunteering with a group like The Arc. Help others up. It’s not penance, it’s recognition that these things do happen and that it’s not the end of the story by a long shot.
This experience is heavy, but it is yours to bear, so bear it with dignity; you won’t drop it. The more compassion you keep as you bear it, the better it will settle.
Good luck.
You didn’t mean to do it, so quit thinking you’re a murderer or a killer. Sadly she was as much responsible as you, and it was an ACCIDENT. All you can do is advocate to your circle NOT to get intoxicated and to drive more carefully. Perhaps donate to paralysis research & therapy. The rest was her destiny.
I feel this… recently something similar happened to me… she was sober, just crossing at an unsafe spot supposedly against traffic wrong… she was 19 and had her whole life ahead of her. She was someone’s daughter… I stayed with her too. I can’t get her last moments out of my head. And even though it was ruled as not my fault, I can’t NEVER forget the few things I can remember from that. The feelings, the sounds and smells… it is all engrained in my brain…
I wish you so much peace and strength. 🩷
Also, not sure if you were referred to it, but when I was struggling, I was referred to the Hyacinth Group for Accidental injury or death. It’s a support group and even though I work and can’t regularly attend, knowing others have experienced similar helps a bit.
This was never your fault. You were sober. You had no intentions to harm someone that night or ever. It was a tragic accident and I’m sorry it happened to you. I hope you continue to get the help you need and live a beautiful life ❤️