Last week I (f23) found out that I was pregnant. My boyfriend of 2 year doesn’t want kids and I understand why. Since I found out that I am pregnant he has been pushing me to get an abortion and I don’t know what to do. The only way that I can justify to myself to get an abortion is if the fetus is a medical danger to myself. He pushed me for an answer on Tuesday and now he is pushing me away and is acting very cold to me. I don’t know what to do, if we split up there is a lot of things that need to happen but if we stay together, I don’t know how much longer that would last with what he has put me through this past week. I really need some advice on what to do from someone that has no connection to the situation.
Need advice about what to do
r/Advice
Comments
This is a huge decision, and it’s understandable you feel overwhelmed. Your choice should come from what you want for your future, not from pressure, whether that’s from your partner, family, or anyone else. It might help to speak with a counselor or a trusted, unbiased person to sort through your thoughts. Also, consider your long-term well-being: emotionally, financially, and physically. Relationships can recover from disagreements, but resentment from feeling forced into a decision is harder to heal from. Take your time if you can; you deserve clarity before acting.
Any woman having a baby should consider the possibility of single motherhood and whether they want to do it, and that should be what drives your decision imo.
Damn, girl, u don’t owe anyone an explanation or even a quick decision. Remember, it’s YOUR body. He can voice his concerns but he can’t force you to do anything. If he’s giving you the cold shoulder now, think about what other pressure he might put you under in the future. It’s a tough call but ask urself this – can you see yourself raising a child with someone like this? GL on whatever you decide, it’s your life, your call! 🙏💪💌
Nobody should ever try and force you to have an abortion. Fundamentally, it’s your body and your decision. Don’t make a decision you’ll regret for the rest of your life because some man-baby is trying to impose his will upon you.
I am a believer that its best for both parents to discuss and come to a decision together. However, because he is acting how he is acting. Demanding an answer by a deadline and acting cold towards you. At this point your decision needs to come solely from you without his influence because he is being manipulative and not helpful at all. Its disrespectful and selfish tk be completely honest. You can take your relationship with him into consideration in how it effects you, but with all due respect, fck his feelings on the matter at this point. He has proved that his feelings are irrational
He is not showing you any respect. I would ditch him. What you do about the baby is up to you but the boyfriend needs to go.
Yo, u gotta realize this is YOUR body, YOUR decision, boo. I get it, he’s ur bf n all, but at the end of the day, it’s you who’s gotta live with whatever comes next. Actually, tbh, the fact he’s pushin u so hard, being cold, it’s a major 🚩for me. You’re in a tough spot, nobody’s denying that. But remember, you ain’t alone. Talk to a doc, a counselor, hell even an internet stranger if ya need to. Stand ur ground, it’s your life. 😤💪💕
The Final decisions period are yours to decide. Don’t be pressured by anyone.
Keep the baby, get rid of the man. He should know better than to put his sperm inside of a fertile woman.
Go with your beliefs when you said if you were at risk. Tell him you’re keep the baby and that he can leave while you try to figure out a way with you and your baby.
I promise you, you can do this.
I have an appointment this coming Wednesday with an OB, i told him multiple times that I don’t want to make a decision until after that because I would have all the facts and know if there was anything wrong that the OB could see or if there is more than one
It’s about valuing you and your unborn babies life over his. He wants to avoid responsibility obviously, but regardless it’s a reflection of his attitude towards major situation even if you did get an abortion.
You seem like a good person and your attitude in general it’s logical. I can’t tell you what to do but it literally is life and death for a potential baby and will affect your life either way. I know the affects of going through with an abortion that was not the wishes of the person haunts them years after the fact if not their whole life. I’ve dated women that have had trauma about it and still think about if even though their live moved on.
I know A LOT of people that didn’t necessarily plan to have kids when they did or period and 99% say having kids are the best thing that ever happened to them 💯
To everyone reading this, Let’s all thank our parents for not aborting us whether our existence was planned or not.
To OP, personally I hope you’ll carry through your wishes to have the baby and know you’ll be a great momma!
If he were a good man and didn’t want kids, he would not have gotten you pregnant. He knows how this works.
Don’t punish the child because of him. There are a lot of support programs for women in unplanned pregnancies. Start locally by looking for “pregnancy center.”
OK first of all the relationship is over
Once you accept that you can move forward
It will be your biggest regret if you get an abortion that you didn’t want.
If he didn’t want kids, were you (both) using some form of birth control?? Hello!!!
If she knew he didn’t want kids, then what form of birth control was being used. They both are responsible for the fact that OP is pregnant. Did he use a condom? Was she using or taking some form of birth control? Did she get pregnant thinking he would change his mind? Many people that don’t want children manage to avoid this situation.
Getting an abortion is a very big decision. You have to feel comfortable with it. If I had to guess, this relationship is over already. He’s going to leave whether you get an abortion or not.
The real question is – Can you live with yourself if you terminate your baby?
You’re the only one who will have to deal with the consequences of your decision. Make sure it is the right one FOR YOU.
Call Preborn. They will help you. If he’s asking you to go against your values, you need to set him free.
Dump him. Get an abortion asap. And pretend it never happened.
The decision is up to the mother. The man is fully allowed to say what he feels. But the final decision is up to her and no matter what he needs to stand by that.
You want it. He doesn’t.
That means you’re on your own. No child support. Your life is forever changed
I believe in pro choice.
Abortion is an emotionally charged issue, and it’s your body. Don’t let anyone pressure or push you into having an abortion.
If he really didn’t want kids, he could have gotten a vasectomy.
If I were in your position, I would go my own way and keep the baby without his help.
you will split up regardless. are you able to support this baby by yourself?
He sounds like a jerk. Surely he’s known that pregnancy is a possibility! My vote is keep the baby and get child support.
In this day and age, contraception is extremely effective. What happened?
Another option – adoption. There are a lot of people out there that can’t have kids and really want one. I am adopted and have had a great life and made a lot of positive impacts on a lot of people. Please consider this option! My have a very close relative that had an abortion when she was young and she has regretted it her entire life.
I was your age when I accidently got pregnant at university. I kept him and he’s at university now living his dreams! No regrets! All I want to add though is don’t put your other dreams on hold because you’re a (going to be) a single mum. I did and that’s the only thing I regret. Its very easy to get caught up in motherhood and that’s 100% amazing and great but try and follow your other dreams too. Obviously it’s going to be more difficult being a single mum, but don’t wait for them to happen, make them happen. Not sure if this makes sense. But I felt I needed to say something.
To have a child or not is not something you can compromise over. Your boyfriend should take matters into his own hands if he absolutely doesn’t want the possibility of a pregnancy and either be celibate or have a vasectomy.
Whichever decision you make will change you – both you as an individual and in your relationship with your boyfriend. His cards are on the table over this. Take enough time to make the decision that is right for you at this time, and a decision that you can deal with going forward.
From what you say, he may split with you if you continue with the pregnancy, but you may not want to continue the relationship with him if you feel pressured to terminate.
Sending you an internet hug.
I know you are in a jamb but if you both knew he didn’t want kids then why haven’t you both been more careful so it wouldn’t happen ..idiots