So I (m26) just started dating a girl (f26). It’s moving really quickly. I haven’t been in a relationship in years because how traumatized my ex girlfriend left me. For context I’m in recovery and she isn’t. So I have a highly addictive personality (obviously). She was the one that reached out to me even though we had never met.
So she is really into me, and I feel the same. Like I said I haven’t had a relationship in years so I’m having difficulty navigating it. All of my relationships with girls in the past few years have been primarily sexual. The thing is, is that I have more feelings for her than that.
One of the primary issues I’m having in this is the speed. It’s partly my fault. I haven’t done this in a long time so (as an addict) I’m kind of addicted to the feeling she gives me. I’m just spinning out. I feel like this isn’t gonna end good but maybe thats just me catastrophizing.
It’s been less than a month and she’s saying she loves me, which is partly my fault because I accidentally said it because my emotions were high. She wants to get matching tattoo’s which is cute. And we have talked about our future and like living together and other stuff like that.
Is this normal? I just don’t know. I don’t know if the speed is normal or if it’s way to fast. Are my worries valid? How should I approach this and my anxiety?
TL;DR: Relationship that is just beginning is moving really fast and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
Comments
Don’t let her rush you faster than you are ready for. Tell her you want to take things slowly and enjoy getting to know each other in the here and now, let the future happen however it will happen.
Some people do genuinely fall hard and fast for a new partner and are eager to move it forward cos they love you (or feel they do at the moment). But there are people fast forwarding and pushing for more commitment than you are ready for to get you locked down. They do this for bad reasons.
Even if she is genuine in her feelings, the two of you hardly know each other. You are both in the heady early days where you are putting out your best selves to impress each other. It is love when you both feel comfortable enough to share the bad days and the issues in your lives with each other and both accept each other’s flaws. That’s why we date. To find out you are attracted to each other, can enjoy spending time together having fun, then learn more about how they handle real life.
Right now don’t do anything, promise anything or even suggest you might be up for something permanent or not easily undone. Like the tattoo. Only get it if you would have wanted it if it wasn’t her idea, or maybe suggest swapping matching cheap pendants or something?