I [27F] am with a guy [27M] and its been 4 years. We have told each others parents for the intention to marry. But this relationship has always been rocky, never stable. Every second day we pick a fight, I blame him and he blames me. I took the charge and took therapies to understand where am I going wrong. I worked on myself, built my emotional intelligence and encouraged him to come couple therapy with me because I wanted it to work, I love him like crazy. He never agreed. Now, there is no mutual respect, no mutual understanding and no physical intimacy. In 4 years he has never gown down on me. I have given him BJ multiple times coz I wanted to. Because I love love him I gave BJ and not because he asked. For 4 years I have raised my concerns for him not going down but he never said anything. Last night I wanted a final answer why? He said because you drink less water so it smells. I was calm tto take this answer because nothing to be offended. But from last night I have been crying coz i realised he is not into me. He is not. It was not about the smell, he never showed interest, because this is something which can be easily fixed like him saying he if you dont know – it smells can you do something about it coz I wanna love you there right? It is fixable!! I would have not taken offense. I feel bad because for 4 years I never got an answer because he didn’t want to and now he put it on me to feel bad? I am crazy attracted to him even physically but you feel it if a person is not attracted and I feel he is not attracted to me. Since past few months, we are fighting everyday and I will not deny that he is the one to initiate talks after fight but not that he is talking it out. He says I don’t kiss him – which is a matter of few fews because I have been frustrated over oral sex. He told me that how can just one act of oral be a big deal for me, what about what all he has done? Tell me am I being extra or is this guy really not into me? When I want to give BJ because I love him and I love to see him enjoying – am i bad to be asking this? I am being gaslight?. He has leverage because his family is waiting for my family to meet but god knows why my parents are taking time. Anyways our relationship is dead already. I am just scared how will I survive the breakup because i feel i will be filled with guilt that he did everything, but I also did alot its just he makes me feel that I am doing nothing. But today I am not feeling it, I am sad, i feel lonely and depressed, too scared to breakup but no motivation to continue. FYI – within first 6 months of our relationship he cheated on me. But has shown improvement since then, I forgave him. TLDR
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You’ve done therapy but it sounds like he hasn’t. You said your relationship is dead. Time to change it. You have no motivation and are filled with dread because you know you have to change things. Change is scary but so is staying stagnant. You know what you have to do and you have your tools from therapy to support you. You can do hard things!
Idk, but keep moving forward!