So my boyfriend is insecure that i don’t find him sexually attractive when i do! I don’t react much though when he is trying to turn me on when he’s turned on because I fear an obligation to him and feel pressured to have sex. And I feel that he expects it to lead to that and it pisses me off a bit.
This is the first relationship I’ve had and am realizing how incompatible we are when it comes to libido :/
I also just have major performance anxiety and I don’t think he realizes how stressful pleasuring him can be for me sometimes, but how do I possibly explain that to him without him feeling shitty?
I nearly cried this morning because he was touching me and making me feel good and was being hot as fuck but out of fear of having to have sex, I pretended like I was too sleepy :/
Only to find that he wasn’t trying to have sex, but how was I supposed to know that when every other instance resulted in sex.
I make him insecure with my nonchalantness but I’m so fearful to reveal to him the reason because last time I tried to, he had trouble comprehending what I was trying to say.
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A healthy 20 year old male would fuck a stop sign if it had a hole. If this is something you can’t handle, and you’ve already explained yourself, then you have to learn to accept it or move on. There isn’t a magic combination of words that’s going to make him change
You two are not sexually compatible. Just end it.
Bring it up. You’re in a relationship. You have a problem with how things are happening. You’re admitting that the problem isn’t solved and that you’re not telling him the reason you feel this way. Sit him down, talk to him, see what comes of it. If you don’t try to fix the issue, it’s not gonna fix itself. If you try and he can’t control himself, you’ll know you two were just incompatible. Being in a relationship means you have to have difficult conversations, even when it’s uncomfortable. Just like women, men can’t read minds. Stop expecting him to, and COMMUNICATE. He can’t help you fix an issue you have if he doesn’t know it exists. He also can’t help but feel insecure if you turn him down often and just leave it at that. I’m not saying you’re wrong for not wanting to have sex with him. I’m just saying that as his partner, you need to communicate these sorts of things or the disconnect will only grow. If you two are just sexually incompatible, no one is at fault, and the best thing would be to cut your losses and move on, but that can happen in multiple ways as well.
I had a very similar experience
I am a guy
But i was in a relationship that we didn’t have sex for months
When i read your post I felt empty for my ex
Because i was the one who wanted to have sex all the time
Hear me out
If my ex would have communicated well
And i was a bit understanding/ which was impossible until i really see who is it looks like from a woman side without internalising and take every single thing personal
That may would have worked
I would say just sit with him
Try to explain
Try to say it is a thing, common issue that couples has,
Also try to tell him lets find a middle ground
I wanted have sex every day
My partner didn’t even in a month
The problem was i was stressed all the time, this is a common issue , when guys are stressed, they tend to have more sex, because as a guy, it gives you for a very short amount of time a relaxed and quiet brain
If your Bf has the same problem he should try to find it
But this not gonna happen also when u don’t do anything from your side
I would say if u need less than once per week sex
Try to do some sports
Or go to a doctor or something
But if u really want to fix it
Try your best
This is a big issue unfortunately
Sorry for hearing that
First off, this is not a relationship ender at all.
Have an honest conversation with him about your worries about yourself, you seem to enjoy him a lot so that is obviously not an issue. Talking about being nervous and stressed about performing won’t make him insecure, just reiterate that you enjoy him sexually a lot.
The main problem here is the miscommunication, try to find a compromise with him and come to a good agreement, from what I can tell here he will be understanding.
Good luck and have a nice and thoughtful conversation. Solving issues like these will definitely help your relationship in the long term as well.