This is very embarrassing. I’m in my 20s and I got really comfortable being alone. It was kind of what happened during the lockdown and I didn’t successfully make any connections in life after that. I put myself out there and then I stopped.
My aunt and my dad’s side of the family, we talk a lot.my mom never has time really and my dad just is a bit mean when we do talk. So my dad’s side is who calls me or talks. They get really mad at me if I cry. Like screaming. I’ve had trouble going to in person things or even going to doctors appointments out of this shaking panicky fear I can’t stop when it starts. They say I’m probably insane and want to stay this way. Then when they call and I don’t want to talk they say my mom’s brainwashing me.
The problem is I didn’t successfully move out. I’m really stagnant. So I live with them. And I’m in a child s place basically. They said to me family is #1 not friends or anything. They want me to live here but they hope I get a relationship so he can eventually move in. I feel scared for my future because I don’t want to be lazy and I don’t think I am but my brain just can’t when there’s something out of my routine. My heart physically starts to hurt and tomorrow I have something and I told my aunt and she said I can’t back out and laughed when I said I’m really nervous. She doesn’t wear her reading glasses so she didn’t see I was sobbing but I know this isn’t normal. I worry they’re right about me.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed and just want to cancel the event. It’s something I signed up for to change things up but I went before and didn’t enjoy it. I just thought I have to push myself.
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Well no wonder you might tremble if people scream at you that way! I am sorry they are so cruel to you, OP.
> They get really mad at me if I cry. Like screaming. I’ve had trouble going to in person things or even going to doctors appointments out of this shaking panicky fear I can’t stop when it starts.
They are your family so I hope you will forgive my frankness but they are so cruel to you. They scream at you or make fun of and laugh at you for having feelings.
It is OK to be afraid and nervous and to cry.
You fell out of practice going to things so now those types of things seem or feel ‘bigger’ than they used to. That’s understandable.
I think practicing again will improve things over time again. It will be worth it because you will not feel as dependent upon those who do not support you emotionally, but belittle you instead.
They are undermining you. I wonder why. It makes no sense does it? So the irrationally behaving ones are calling you irrational. Hmm.
Perhaps it is their judgment which needs adjusting.
As to the event, if you can make it there, and just get through it, imagine how much of an achievement it will feel like. Sometimes if something feels intimidating, telling oneself “but in 24 hours time it will be behind me and I will be back at home and can watch a favorite show or have a favorite snack as reward,” can help.
Reward yourself for each thing you are afraid of but accomplish anyway.
Hey there 👋 friendly internet parent, psychologist and older sister, and mom here. While I can’t treat you as a patient or anything I do want to explain some brain and boundary stuff to you.
First of all people screaming and yelling at you is abuse and says more about them than you.
Second, managing anxiety is about conquering avoidance. When we avoid things the connection between the event and fear gets stronger and stronger in our brain. What’s cool is you can rewire your own brain. You have got this! Every time you make it out to an event you are doing your own exposure exercise. You are creating a stronger neural connection between going out and safety. You may be uncomfortable while you’re there but every time you do it and survive those connections will get stronger! Eventually, you will be more calm when venturing out.
I’m proud of you for making these plans. I know you can do this. Set some more goals to visit other places as well even twice a week. You can do this. I’m sending you positive vibes and strength. I know housing is tough but when you feel up to it try to set some boundaries with the folks who yell. Let them know “i cannot keep talking to you while you’re yelling. I want to hear you. Please call me back or come back to talk when you’re calmed down.”
Your feelings matter, you deserve happiness, you deserve to feel confident and comfortable in your surroundings, and you deserve to have your feelings respected.
Okay, what you’re describing sounds *exactly* like panic attacks.
Difficulty breathing, feeling like your heart hurts or is pounding, feeling shaky, overwhelmed, and unable to control your reaction.
You aren’t crazy and there is nothing to be ashamed of, but they trigger you to have an attack and then when you have one they’re overreacting which is not de-escalating the problem.
Anxiety can make you physically sick.
So, the good news is I’m pretty confident this is not some big mystery you can’t overcome. The tougher news is that you really need to call and make an appointment with either your GP or with a mental health practitioner and talk about options for medication. Explain exactly the symptoms you mentioned here, that you feel overwhelmed with events and have become more isolated due to it. Describe the shaky feelings and the heart palpitations, and all of that and get a professional opinion.
There are meds if you feel anxious pretty much all the time, and there are other meds you can take in “emergency” circumstances when you feel yourself getting too ramped up that you start having an attack.
My doctor calls the anxiety about seeing a doctor “white coat syndrome” which is just another kind of anxiety reaction, just with a specific trigger (and happens to a LOT of people, most people have a higher BP and heart rate in the doctor’s office than they do normally because they’re stressed about being at and talking to a doctor because it *feels* judgemental).
Almost every doctor I’ve met, especially those in mental health, have been kind and thoughtful people. You are not crazy, your dad and aunt want you to support them and keep you dependent on them for some reason which is really weird. Maybe because they want someone they can push around, maybe because they want someone they can bully into doing the housework and taking care of them, whatever the reason I think you need to start by talking to a doctor and you need to figure out a way to get out of your current living arrangements into a space of your own because it seems like most of your issue is being caused by them.
You can do it.
What you are describing sounds like it could be depression/anxiety related based on my own experience. You don’t have a lot of support which sucks,who yells at someone for crying?But all you can fix is yourself,I suppose.
You say your heart starts to hurt,and that sounds like anxiety and depression. And the crying. I felt like a raw wound,everything hurt so much and I cried all the time. Meds have helped me,and also Buddhism and therapy. You need help finding resilience in yourself!❤️
Please consider medication to help you get this under control. Medication and therapy work better in conjunction than either one by itself. Your anxiety & panic attacks are likely not going to respond to just therapy. Best of luck to you.
You’re not crying because of little things. You’re crying because whenever anything goes wrong or not according to what your family accepts, they berate you. Reddit users obviously can’t diagnose anyone with anything, but I recommend looking into cPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) and the different forms that abuse can take. Trauma is stored in the body and often we can have extreme reactions to “small” things because they remind us of big things that happened in the past. That memory is sometimes not a memory in our brain, but in our body. Our nervous system recollects a similar situation where we felt unsafe and then reacts to that feeling of being unsafe, all the while our mind doesn’t fully recollect it and we think the reaction we’re having is an overreaction to what is happening in the moment.
Edit to add; if you’re constantly at your threshold because living at home with your family feels like walking on eggshells all the time, that’s also a possible reason for the crying. If you’re always at a point where the stress and anxiety are about to boil over, any little thing will cause it to boil over. That doesn’t mean the small thing that happened is why you’re having that reaction you are though. You’re having the reaction to all of the other things you’re trying to suppress, which are big things, so you have a big reaction.