I just found out I’m pregnant. I’m 34, married, I can afford my own cost of living but I don’t think I can afford another human. I haven’t been to college and I make okay money despite that (around $50K / year), but I also know that I likely won’t find the same salary elsewhere should I happen to lose my job for whatever reason. My husband makes a few dollars over minimum wage.
The idea of being pregnant scares me, and to be honest I don’t know if I can deal with a crying baby or changing diapers. I had thought that maybe I wanted this, but the feeling of dread and panic when I saw the positive pregnancy test was like none other. There are just so many risks in terms of pregnancy and parenthood and I’m not a risk taker at all. My life is pretty low stress at this point and I like it that way.
I can’t talk to anyone about this so I just need some reassurance that I’m making the right choice.
Comments
You’re making the choice that’s right for you by listening to your body and your mind. Allow yourself a couple days to process, and then, if you still feel this way, it’s okay to make that choice.
Sending you hugs.
If you feel it deep in your gut, if your instinct tells you to back out, it’s the right choice. If you’re on the fence, give it a minute and do some research about motherhood.
There’s not really a right or a wrong here. If you do not want to have a child, get the abortion. Pregnancy is scary, yes. Especially right now when our reproductive rights are being stripped away from us. However, if the main reason for wanting the abortion is because of the pregnancy, maybe find a doula and reconsider your options. Parenthood is wild, and it’s full of surprises both good and bad…and it’s an adventure you should only take on if you are ready.
If you really wanted it you wouldn’t be here, it is the right choice ❤️
If that’s what you want to do of course it’s okay. This is really a choice that only you can make, there is no right or wrong.
I have children but I have absolutely no judgement whatsoever for people who think it isn’t for them. If you’ve thought hard about what you want and this isn’t it, then you know the choice you need to make.
Having said that, if the main thing is that you are scared… I hate the idea of making decisions like that out of fear, that’s just how I am. I’m not going to let fear rule my life. If it’s just being afraid but everything else is right, then you need to really think about what you want and make sure you’re making the right choice. You don’t get an infinite number of tries at this so it’s worth really thinking about.
For me, eventually, I realised that it was fear of the unknown and that fear was never going to go away, but everything else other than that was right, so we had kids. But if you make a different choice, that’s your choice, and you deserve all the respect in the world for it.
There is no right or wrong here. It’s what feels right for you. It’s ok no to want to be a parent. Head on over to r/childfree for many other perspectives.
I only read the title because whatever your choice is, that’s the right choice ❤️
The sense of dread you felt is how you truly felt about having a baby. Please listen to yourself
Hey! It’s totally okay to recognize that you’re not willing to risk your body and your lifestyle to become a parent. It’s hard work and no one should have to be one unless they’re 100% willing. Whatever choice you make is the right one for you.
I’m your age and still am on the fence about whether I want kids because I have the same concerns you do. I like my lifestyle and I don’t like the idea of crying babies or diapers either. Right now I much prefer fun auntie!!
Did you think you would ever start a family. Most people know when it’s the wrong time or that it’s simply not for them and that’s valid.
I wanted my kid(s) but i did have an existential crisis when I came home from the hospital with my firstborn and suddenly realised I was going to be responsible for her for the next 18 YEARS, minimum. And giving up pretty much every minute of your life for a baby is hard.