I (23f) had an abortion at 19. I had the abortion because I was struggling extremely hard with alcohol, had a horrible boyfriend at the time, my living situation would not allow a child and I had no where else to life, and knew I wouldn’t be able to support a child financially, mentally or emotionally. With that being said, I do not regret it. Does that mean I would ever have another one? Absolutely not. I’ve spoken openly to all of my friends and family about it and they all supported me through everything. However, back in the beginning of May I met my now boyfriend (22m). I’ve never met someone who has made me feel more loved and supported. I feel I can talk to him about every thing, and I do. This is the one thing I haven’t talked about, I am worried about if he will look at me differently. It’s not that I’ve hid it, it’s just never been a topic of discussion…until today. We had watched a video about a politician who openly speaks on his support of abortion and other matters that I personally agree with. I asked my boyfriend what his view on it was, he said he supports abortion for people who were victims or sexual assault, took a pause, and said he also supports it for people who just don’t want a kid. But then he followed up by saying something along the lines of him not supporting it for himself, as it would be a spiritual conflict. Basically saying he would support it for other people, but wouldn’t be able to support it for himself, he also said it it’s taking away a chance at life. I completely agree with his outlook, as I don’t think I would be able to now have an abortion. But I was at a very different point in my life at 19 years old. This is something that I want to talk to him about because I don’t want to feel as if I’m hiding something, and the more time that goes on the worse I feel. We haven’t been dating that long. I think that’s why I’m so nervous, but also like I said I don’t want to go on longer. He is extremely patient and understanding so I don’t see it being an issue, I’m just so nervous to have him view me differently. Any advice would be so appreciated, please no judgement.
Nervous to talk to my boyfriend about my past
r/Advice
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You already said the most important thing—you don’t regret it, and that’s your truth, not something to be ashamed of
If he truly loves and respects you, he’ll hear the why and not just the what, and if he can’t handle that, he was never really the one anyway
It’s okay to feel nervous this is a deeply personal part of your story. You made the best choice you could at a hard time, and that doesn’t make you any less worthy of love. If your boyfriend truly cares for you, this won’t change how he sees you. Be honest and speak from the heart you have nothing to hide or be ashamed of
My past doesnt define my worth it shows my strengthv i made the best choice i could at the time and i deserve love that sees all of me and still stays
He says he supports it for people who don’t want a kid. That’s you, you didn’t want a kid. He also said he doesn’t support it for himself, which is great news because that’s not a decision he’ll ever have to make for himself! If you are worried this could end your relationship, I recommend talking about it sooner than later. It’s better to end it early if he is going to hold some sort of resentment towards you for the choices you made prior to his existence in your life. I wish you happiness!
Your choice to share your personal & private story if you ever chose to do so at some point in the future.
You will know when / if the time feels right.
somethings are not meant to be shared. some things are meant to be private. and that’s okay. we don’t have to be 100% transparent. that is your prerogative.
possible warning: the more you share of your secrets, the more chance they can use that against you.
peace, temet nosce
Stop thinking so hard and just do it. From what you explained, he’s a great guy. It had nothing to do with him and his life so he has no choice but to support you and understand.
I was in a similar situation, Im 21M and my girlfriend 22F met when i was 19 and she was 20. we were together for a few months when she told me that she had one when she was 18 and it wasn’t a big deal to me at all, and you said yourself hes patient and understanding, all should be well. Regardless though it’s your past so don’t be hard on yourself and take your time.
Also don’t beat yourself up on how long it takes you to fill him in, no matter how long. Whether it’s today, or 6 years from now. You in no shape or form are morally obligated to tell anyone anything so tell him whenever you don’t have nervousness and you know for a fact he won’t care.
The right guy would try to understand why you made the choices you did and not judge you even if he doesn’t personally agree with that choice.
Everything you’ve said here, say to him. If he’s as supportive and understanding as you say, then everything will work out just fine. That conversation could be a really good opening to be upfront with him. However, you don’t owe him or anyone else an explanation on a decision that you made for you and your body, when you were barely an adult. You are worthy of love and hopefully this will not change how he sees you. If it does, it’s better to do it now rather than down the line where it will hurt more, in my opinion.
I personally don’t think you need to share this, unless you want to. Some things are fine to disclose once you’re married or closer to it. What are you hoping to gain by sharing this?
I understand your nervousness, but think of it like this. You feel loved and supported by him. This is gonna be a good test of that.
Now I truly believe that one should never test a partner on purpose, but there are so many real world tests that we all have to deal with.
And remember. He isn’t dating who you used to be. He is dating who you are now.
Rip the band aid off, kid. At least you’ll know for sure.