Not sure where to start, please forgive the blunt points, but there’s a lot to cover and I could really use some honest advice.

Background:

• We’ve been together for 10 years (moved out together at 18)
• One-year-old child
• We have mortgage (Not easy to leave)
• He works full-time; I work part-time

The Main Issue

My partner is still really struggling with our son. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, or if this is just one of those difficult stages couples go through but I feel completely at a loss.

To be fair, he’s not all bad:

• He helps when he can
• He’s becoming more aware of our son’s needs
• He sometimes makes dinner and tidies up when he feels like it
• He offers to help and drive, but rarely follows through

That said, there are some serious issues I can’t keep brushing aside:

• He has a short temper and switches moods quickly something he acknowledges and says he’s working on
• I’m naturally very passive and easygoing, not one to make a fuss. I’m also extremely tidy and like things a certain way (which I know I need to work on)

Difficult Behaviours

These are just some of the things I’ve struggled with:

• He tells our son to “shut up”
• Leaves him to cry for long periods
• Can be manipulative when we argue
• I’ve asked him to leave before – he refused
• I’ve asked him not to argue in front of our son – again, he refused
• During arguments, he’s said things like “I wouldn’t care if we had nowhere to go”
• He has refused therapy
• Threatens to wake our son up

And there are many more examples, but I fear it would bore you to reel them all off.

My Emotional State

I feel completely worn out.

• He seems to try to change, but we always end up going in circles
• He had a very difficult childhood – I understand that, but I don’t think it excuses the way he behaves now
• Emotionally, I feel checked out – but I don’t understand why I can’t just leave
• I’m stuck between wanting to forgive him and feeling like I no longer can

Other Notes

• I did everything for our son for at least the first 11 months of his life
• He didn’t seem emotionally connected during my pregnancy
• When I had an infection, he showed little concern or care – and that still hurts
• Even now, I feel like I’m doing it all

I honestly don’t know what to do. Is this something that can be worked through, or am I holding onto something I should be letting go of? Any insight would be so appreciated.

TL;DR:
I’ve been with my partner for 10 years, we have a one-year-old child. He works full-time, I work part-time. He’s not all bad, he helps occasionally and says he’s trying to improve but he has a short temper, refuses therapy, argues in front of our child, and has said some very hurtful, threatening things during fights. I’ve done nearly everything for our child since birth, and I feel emotionally checked out. Despite everything, I still can’t seem to leave. I’m unsure if I’m overreacting or if this is a sign I need to walk away. Any advice is welcome. There are many more examples, but too many to list.