We have all seen the Pinterest-worthy “please wash your hands” signs for newborn visits, and maybe a gentle request to not kiss the baby. That is totally normal. But one new mom on Reddit has taken the concept of “protecting her peace” to a level that feels more like a high-security prison intake combined with a GoFundMe page. If you want to see this baby, you better bring your wallet, your cleaning supplies, and a five-star meal, or you can officially kiss that visitation right goodbye.
The Original Poster (OP) gave birth on Christmas Day, but the planning started way back in October. She and her husband created a manifesto of rules for anyone daring enough to want a peek at their new bundle of joy. Some of the rules are standard, like being up to date on vaccines and staying away if you’re sick. But then things get weird. Very weird. Guests are restricted to one-hour visits, no perfume is allowed, and you are forbidden from offering any advice or taking pictures.
But wait, there is a literal “cover charge” to enter this house. If it is your first time visiting, you are required to bring a gift card for the mom and a gift for the baby from an approved list. Oh, and it doesn’t matter if it is your first or fiftieth visit, you must also bring a specific list of food or groceries AND complete a chore of the parents’ choosing. It is basically a “pay-to-play” system where the baby is the prize and the guests are the unpaid labor.
The drama officially exploded when the OP’s 20-year-old sister-in-law asked to meet her nephew before heading back to college. Since she lives across the country, this was her only chance to see the baby until June. Most families would be thrilled, but the OP and her husband treated it like a business transaction. They sent her the link to the gift list, the specific takeout they wanted, and the list of chores she had to pick from.
The SIL, being a broke college student, sent a heartbreaking text back. She literally couldn’t afford the “entry fee” and asked if she could just do extra chores instead of buying the gifts and food. Instead of having a shred of human empathy for a young girl who just wanted to love on her nephew, the couple had a meeting and decided that “bending the rules” would lead to total chaos. They told her no. She begged, offering to clean the entire house, and they still hit her with a cold “no.”
Unsurprisingly, the SIL left for school without seeing the baby, and the rest of the family has absolutely lost their sh!t. The in-laws sent a barrage of texts calling the couple out for using their child as a “cash grab,” which, let’s be honest, is exactly what this looks like. The husband’s response? He blocked his entire family and put them on a “time out” like they were the toddlers in this situation.
Now, even the OP’s own family and friends are telling her she was wrong. They pointed out that looking the other way for a broke student who was offering to do manual labor wouldn’t have k!lled anyone. But the OP is still looking for validation that “treating everyone equally” is more important than her sister-in-law getting to bond with the baby. Spoiler alert: equality doesn’t mean being equally mean to everyone you love.
There is a huge difference between asking for help after a baby is born and demanding a “subscription service” for visitation. Most of us are happy to bring a casserole or toss a load of laundry in the dryer when we visit a new mom because we love her. But when it becomes a mandatory requirement paired with a gift card and a specific grocery list, it stops being about “support” and starts being about greed.
The “no is no we won’t explain why” rule is the ultimate red flag of a power trip. This couple isn’t just protecting their newborn; they are testing how much bullsh!t their loved ones will put up with to see a child. They effectively held their son hostage for a Chipotle bowl and a gift card, and in the process, they broke a 20-year-old girl’s heart.
The fact that the SIL won’t reply to their texts now is the most predictable part of this entire story. Why would she? She was told her presence was only valuable if she brought a gift card and dinner. The “magic” of a new baby is supposed to bring families together, but this couple managed to use it as a tool to alienate every single person who cares about them.
If you find yourself blocking your entire family because they think you’re being “heartless” for demanding groceries from a college student, you might want to take a long look in the mirror. You aren’t “setting boundaries”; you’re setting a price tag. And once people realize they have to pay to be in your life, they might just decide they can’t afford you anymore.
So, is this mom the ahole? Yes, a thousand times yes. NTA would be a miracle here. You don’t treat your family like customers at a retail store, and you certainly don’t use your baby as a “cash grab.” We hope the gift cards were worth the silence she’s now getting from her sister-in-law.
What do you think? Are these “newborn rules” a smart way to get help, or is this the most entitled thing you’ve ever heard? Let us know in the comments if you’d be willing to do chores and buy a gift card just to see a baby for an hour!
YTAH in a monster of a way. Did you come to be this much of an entitled bitch on your own or did your pregnancy just screw up your brain. Man a gift for you and your baby didn’t you get a wedding gift and baby shower. Bringing food and doing chores on a 1 or so hour visit. I am sure I will be seeing a post about your divorce soon. As well as how my mom is a control freak that needs a straight jacket. You are definitely the most messed up person I have ever heard of. Your kids are going to go no contact with you I am positive of that. Good luck with your upcoming divorce cause you are wound way to tight. Do you ever smile? And the sister is better off not meeting her brother’s child cause you suck.