Seeking advice on how to respond to the following situation:
My boyfriend (30M) woke me up this morning touching on me (27F) and kissing me like he wanted to have sex. He continues to touch on me and then starts kissing/nibbling at my neck. I tell him “Oo hey no hickies” and proceeds to stop and push me away. He is dark skinned and I’m pale white and bruise easy. Hickies never show up on him so he never has to deal with this problem but I have important work related events today and REALLY don’t want one there TODAY of all days. He proceeds to push me away and I asked why did he stop. He said he got turned off by me saying that. I asked how and he said “How do you expect me to not get turned off by that?” I said accidents happen and I just don’t want an accident to happen today of all days. He said “Well when have I EVER given you a hickie? Like you should just know that I’m not going to give you one?” So then I said, so me reminding you means that I just get cold shouldered all together? And he said “I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say?!” So then I replied I just don’t think this is something to be completely turned off for. Then he starts getting even more mad and annoyed at me for this conversation. What do I even do? Do I apologize? Do I just ignore him? I don’t even know.
Comments
Ask yourself, is it fun to deal with someone so childish and difficult?
Then find another boyfriend.
If you were 16 I’d give long winded advice about communication and navigating mutual boundaries. Do you really want to teach a grown ass man how to not be a child? I wouldn’t.
He’s 30? And this is how he responds to a simple request for bodily respect?
30??! Just wow
I’d reevaluate things.
People still give hickies??? I
He was sexually frustrates. On a nice day, have a conversation with him, set your boundaries. If he’s not respecting it, then by means I agreed with the rest of the people’s answers on this treadmill.
Lmao everybody telling you to leave him. This sub is a joke and I’m officially unfollowing on this account. You all have a great rest of your day, advising people you don’t know how to work out their relationship.
27 & 30? Y’all aren’t past the hockey stage in life at these ages? I thought that went away when you turned 21. If he can’t respect your job by purposely putting a hickey on your neck, maybe he needs more respect lessons towards you.
You did absolutely nothing wrong
Is this how he regularly responds to your concerns over other things. Gets upset then trys to make you feel bad.
Is this a type of behavior you want to deal with the rest of your life?
I will probably get downvoted like crazy for this, but whatever.
I agree with him. Yea, he may have gotten a wee bit over sensitive, but if I am reading him correctly, he was attempting to be passionate and romantic. Being sensual about it, instead of so many men that just poke their partner with their morning wood and expect things to happen.
You getting defensive about something that he has never done in the first place, according to what you said, was more insulting in his mind. Cause like where is the trust then. It is like you completely took away trusting him in this passionate moment he was trying to create. So yea, it is a turn-off in a way.
I get where you are coming from. Big important day; you want to remain professional. But do you not have any concealer? If he accidentally, for the first time, did leave a hickey, a little bit of concealer on your neck would not have destroyed your day.
Just my humble opinion
What do you do, what do you do…
I imagine adult communication is out of the question..?
I never ever understood the whole concept of hickies. Never wanted to give one, never wanted to get one. Like, wtf? Why would anyone?
It’s a pretty immature way to deal with this, and maybe he has a bit of growing up to do.
But I’m glad at least no meant no to him.
I do understand, though. I sldo have pale skin, bite makes, or hickies show from a mile away, so our rule was no marks on our bodies where other people can see. It also turns you on more, knowing its secret.
As a grown woman, with a grown partner, who respects my autonomy and I respect his, your partner putting a boundary during sex should not be a total turn off. Yeah, maybe it could knock you off balance for a moment, but we’ve never passed up an entire opportunity for that just because one of us said “no” to something.. not only is he a grown adult getting upset, but he’s getting upset about you saying “no” to something? You can give it a shot to talk it out but if he is firm in his views, this relationship doesn’t have a good outcome.
Girl… that’s too little context but that a weird way to react to a simple request. There’s plenty of fish in the ocean.