I don’t want to reveal too much because I worry some of this is too specific but I (M18) have no relationship with my father. He was sentenced to prison for drug related charges and attempting to grab an officer’s gun when I was really young. I have few memories of him before this, and none of them are good. Either neutral or bad. Starting out in his sentence, I would talk to him on the phone when he called. Around age 10 I began to avoid his phone calls, everytime I talked to him it felt like some kind of guilt trip. He’d talk about how I never wrote him, that I didn’t talk enough, I got tired of feeling bad so I quit. I know that sounds terrible, I had so much else going on growing up.
From what I remember and what I’ve been told, my dad wasn’t a great man. He cheated on my mom with her sister, they fought often, I have vivid memories of them fighting. He’d take me and my brother to his girlfriend’s house just to get high with her in the bedroom.
My mom wasn’t around much, it was very on and off, so I lived with my grandparents. They tried their best to raise me but I often feel like I was failed in a way. I ended up becoming a victim to some bad people online at a young age because of it. This lasted for several years and would be considered grooming I believe. I don’t want to get into it here, but I do hold a lot of resentment towards my parents and grandparents for letting this happen. I became suicidal at age 11, put on all kinds of medications through out the years, diagnosed with several things. As far as I know, my dad knows none of this.
He knows nothing about me, all he’s heard is things from my brother. He knows I’m continuing my education, that’s it I think. I honestly have no interest in reconnecting with him when he gets out of prison, but my other family wants me to. They tell me that in prison, he has to fight to be able to make a phone call, that it’s cruel of me to not even pick up. I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t care. I’ve made it this far without him, I don’t need him now.
Another complication is that I’m LGBTQ+, I have no idea how he’d react to that. No one knows his views on that kind of thing. I don’t want to form a relationship just to be disowned or belittled over that.
I guess I just need some advice on what I should do.. he gets out in a few years, I don’t know if he plans on staying around this area or not, but my family urges me to reconnect and I feel like a monster for not wanting that
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