So last night I was on the phone with the guy I was seeing. I brought up sex and told him that I don’t like BDSM acts. I don’t like choking, spitting, slapping , etc. He said he wasn’t into rough stuff either. He then asked me what I’m into and I told him honestly I’m very vanilla which probably sounds boring………he then asked me the thought provoking question “Wait why is it boring”…. And it took me a few minutes to answer.
Upon realization, I thought that because of pornography people especially women have been conditioned to think vanilla sex or sex that doesn’t involve choking or violence is boring…..when vanilla sex can be just as fun depending on the parties. So actually no vanilla sex is not boring. It can be quite delicious and luxurious haha!
Comments
I think it’s reallllly interesting how society has created this idea that vanilla sex is somehow less exciting, when in reality it can be just as deep and meaningful if both people are truly connected and communicative.
The normalization of abuse in the sex scene nowadays is insane to me. I don’t consider it BDSM if it’s not consensual, agreed upon, with safe words etc etc. It’s just abuse without the proper constraints. It’s absolutely mental that people just default to choking, slapping, spitting, etc.
There is lots of sex that doesn’t involve violence that isn’t vanilla. You should get out…er, around more. 😉
How refreshing! Especially coming from a man (in my particular experience). It’s so true, sex is interesting and fun and just because it’s not like porn doesn’t mean it’s not good or exciting. I think widespread porn has really skewed people’s perspectives and it has changed what turns them on.
Wow wait. He wasn’t weird? Well get it then! 😂
Three cheers to the guy for asking the question! He seems like a good one!
I think the first people to agree with you on this would be… people in the BDSM community. Not necessarily always for themselves but more for the general idea that sex is about what YOU want and enjoy without judgement and that just as much includes vanilla sex as anything else.
Thank you! Oh man, knowing other women feel this way makes me relieved.
I have major trauma and PTSD episodes from my ex and his porn/BDSM obsession. I mean, sure. A little rough can be fun, but I’m not into all the other stuff. I actually have a visceral reaction when someone mentions liking to cum on a woman. My ex used it as a sign of control (I hate the smell and always tried to get me to swallow).
My girlfriend and I have vanilla sex all the time. It’s not just missionary position, but we don’t have to have kinky bdsm style rough sex to get each other to climax.
Vanilla sex is wonderful. Hardcore kinky sex is wonderful, in its own way. Just snuggling and hanging out is wonderful, too. Even just vibin’ at a kinky party is a wonderful experience for me.
All sex is valid and I’m glad you and your guy agree that you don’t need to be rough!
You’re absolutely right. Slow romantic sex is amazing. Being held and kissed is amazing. My partner isn’t into living out porn acts either. I’m not missing out on anything.
I mean to be honest, early in a relationship vanilla sex is amazing. After 20 years though lol…you need to do something different, that’s my personal experience.
Nothing boring about vanilla sex imo, but there are a lot of things that would t be considered vanilla that aren’t violent/rough/aggressive
Vanilla, the actual spice, is actually a relatively rare delicacy. It’s native to the Americas, so up until the 1500s, Europe, Asia, and Africa had no experience with it. It comes from a specific species of orchid with rigid growing conditions and has to be pollinated by hand, making it the second-most-expensive spice by weight after saffron. Most things that are labelled as “vanilla-flavored” are actually artificially flavored, and very small amounts of vanilla are used in natural flavorings.
The idea of vanilla as bland or boring is basically a construct of the ice cream parlor industry that was able to produce vanilla-flavored icecream cheaply using artificial vanillin, but the result was much blander than true vanilla. So they treated it as a plain base and encouraged customers to add things to it, like extra toppings, for an additional fee.
I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there about the porn industry.
I prefer vanilla sex but have no qualms about doing whatever would make my partner feel great.
Vanilla is perennially one of the most popular flavours for a reason. It’s delicious. Nothing wrong with vanilla.
That goes for ice cream and sex.
In my old age, good sex is squishing naughty bits together in a way that is pleasurable for us both.
What even counts as vanilla sex? Im pretty sure im vanilla but idk what falls into what catagory. Like im not into bdsm or hitting but I love sitting on my fiancés face and 69ing
I love vanilla. Have you ever had vanilla? It’s DELICIOUS!
Isn’t BDSM about power roles and constraints? Isn’t choking, slapping and stuff rough sex? Aren’t these very clearly separate?
I am too deeply buried in my vanilla life too really know. It’s really lovely over here in established married vanilla life.
r/pornismisogyny
Vanilla is a complex flavor with many, many layers.
Bad vanilla is bad. Good vanilla is mind blowing.