‘25f’ and my boyfriend ‘29m’ have been dating for a little over a year and half now. It started off great he was always making sure he did all the little things and we rarely had disagreements and then as the honeymoon phase wore off is when I noticed the change in behavior. At the beginning he would do anything I asked and do random gift giving and random post and plan dates.
Now any little favor I ask I get complaints and name calling. I also am the one normally planing our dates or asking to go out and do something. So sometimes not all the time I ask to do it anything night if I had a long day at work and his response is can’t you just stick to a plan ever like what is wrong with you.
The favors I normally ask for might be to grab a drink if he’s grabbing one for him self or if I already laying down and he’s standing I’ll ask him to hand me something that is right next to him. And he will normally reply with can’t you do anything for yourself. Yet he asks me for the same favor and I don’t complain at all. Any time I bring it up I’m told I overthink or that I am wrong for thinking this way.
Normal behavior or am I wrong for thinking this.
r/amiwrong
Comments
He was in Audition Mode before and now you’re seeing the real guy. If you’re unhappy with the real guy now, wait until he thinks he has you fully nailed down with a ring or a kid.
Are you seriously asking Redditers? That is not your boyfriend, and he doesn’t even like you.
Oh OP, it looks like his “mask” wore off, and now that he thinks that he’s got a hold on you, he feels free to be his true awful self. If he treats you like this for small things like asking for a glass of water, can you imagine how he would/will treat you if you’re really sick one day? Please don’t get pregnant with that shadow of a partner. Take care
This is not normal. Partners should be generous with each other. Think about things you would do for a coworker. If they asked you to hand them a stapler or grab them a drink (and they will get you next time), you would do that right?
He’s using classic manipulation tactics to get you to do what he wants without putting hardly any effort in himself. His refusing to talk about the issues means he won’t ever change.
I hate to be that person, but seriously, get out. This relationship is a waste of your time and it’s going to damage your mental health the longer you stay in it.
dump. him. name-calling when you asked him to bring you a drink? Hard pass.
This issue right here is why I live alone. Every relationship I entered and either lived with or married to change after moving in together was profound. They went from trying, being fully present in the relationship and communicating well to me being taken for granted. My last husband told me that he would do anything I could get him to do. Turned out that was nothing.
In the beginning people put their best foot forward, and we have our Rose colored glasses on and we ignore the red flags if there are any. But no matter how healthy relationship mine have appeared to be moving in together was the beginning of the end. I vowed that I would never do so again. I date, I have relationships but I do not live with people. I would be willing to have houses next door and that would be the extent of it.
>Now any little favor I ask I get complaints and name calling.
This is your sign of what the future WILL hold. For your sake, move on, and quickly.
No, not normal. Look – you shouldn’t have to GUESS if a guy loves you or not, appreciates you or not. If you have to guess- they DON’T.
This guy isn’t a keeper.
>Yet he asks me for the same favor and I don’t complain
SO STOP DOING IT FOR HIM.
It’s not normal. He has legs and thumbs. Why do you even want to be with someone who is abusive?
Keeping the relationship fresh is an art that we must work at. I am in a good relationship with both my ex and my bride of decades now. This man may never have learned to respect others correctly, especially women.
OP can do better….
Start making the same complaints and comments that he does, see how he responds
nahh ur not overthinking it he just stopped putting in effort
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He’s giving off selfish asshole vibes, so…selfish asshole. Also, he’s trying to gaslight you and is deploying weaponized incompetence to get you to stop asking him for things. He cannot have his cake and eat it too. Do you want to live with this the rest of your life?
My neighbor fosters dogs. I think he’s had 68 fosters go through his house now, our dog Abigail is one of them.
He said that all dogs know to be on their best behavior for the first 3 weeks. Shortly after that 3 week mark, you see the real dog.
He said the same is for humans, but humans know to put up the facade for much, much longer. He told me that he dated one woman for 3 years before the real woman came out of her shell… he said that it was a really dramatic and nearly dangerous change.
Another buddy got married and within 6 months had filed for divorce. Turns out she was bipolar and had either been really good at hiding it or taking her meds, but once married either stopped caring to hide it or stopped the meds as she’d tried to kill him one night.
Luckily for most people, they only get treated less kindly than during the "audition phase".
I could maybe overlook the lack of consideration, but name calling? Yeah, that’s out of line. You don’t call people you care about names (seriously, I’m not talking about mutual joking).
Congratulations, you’re now getting to meet the real him.
Take note, it will only get worse from here. He’s being manipulative, demeaning, and controlling. If you want to save yourself a lot of headache and preserve your self-esteem it’s probably best to cut ties now. Let him belittle someone else or live alone.
He’s now out of the “love bombing” stage.
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-relationship/
You don’t have any obligation to stay with someone who treats you disrespectfully and unkindly. In fact, I would suggest that you don’t stay with him. You deserve so much better. Now that he has dropped the mask and shown you his true character, you don’t need to continue seeing him. You should only date people who have excellent character.
Not wrong. He’s showing you who he truly is… please believe him. He’s not going to go back the way he was acting because he’s confident you’re going to put up with his BS. Don’t let that be the case. You definitely deserve better.
Can someone please link Why Does He Do That? I’m on mobile and it’s not letting me.
Not wrong OP.
Always remember….Love is in the little things. He is completely unaware and ignorant of this fact.
So dump him and move along.
Are you sure you aren’t leaving anything out? Are you always appreciative of the effort he puts in, or do you complain or make comments when he plans something. Do you offer to grab him a drink when you are getting one?
He could be a total arse but he could also feel like he is being taken advantage of.
Speak to him.
Troll- check post history 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩
Break up while you’re ahead, this is the REAL him.
Behave the same way he is behaving and when he calls you out on your behaviour you can remind him you are doing the exact same thing he is…
Or you can just leave because he’s not going to change, he’ll probably just get worse.
Sorry to break it to you, he’s a jerk, don’t settle. That’s what you’re doing. Settling for bad behavior.
Name calling? Absolutely never put up with verbal abuse. It’ll only get worse. Time to walk away
He doesn’t respect or deserve you. It’s time to bounce.
He was a ‘nice guy’ to lure you in. He now feels that he’s got you locked down and he’s free to be the absolute asshole that he actually is.
He did all the work to get you
Now he got you
So it’s ok for him to give up
You need to talk to him and make sure he really understands how his behavior is effecting you. How he reacts to the conversation will be a tell tale sign for you to leave if you don’t have one already (you do)
You are wrong for staying with someone like that , move on
You don’t call the people you love names in anger. Joking around? Sure. Having a laugh? Sure. But NEVER in anger.
I would be leaving this relationship if it was me.