24, good job (licensed mechanic, working on high end sports cars), loving girlfriend, nice apartment, physically fit/healthy, I feel like I’ve checked alot of important boxes in life, and yet I have essentially no guy friends. I had some friends from high school but they’ve all since moved away. It’s probably been a year since I’ve hung out one on one with another guy. I am not socially challenged by any means. Coworkers, acquaintances, gfs friends and family all seem to genuinely like me. Is there something wrong with me? Societal issue? Anyone else feeling this? Is our generation just fucked?
Any input appreciated here. I love my partner but I feel lonely sometimes not having friends of my own
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How many men have you reached out to and attempted to create a friendship with in the past year?
I will admit, creating friendships with other men will definitely take a lot of energy.
Expect to do ALL the work.
Expect to reach out more than they do. Expect to carry the conversation (because sometimes the other doesn’t, especially if they’re younger). And expect to lose energy.
But my sign of true friendship is growing: when they consistently keep responding to you. No matter if it’s late. Once a day. If they keep replying, you know they’re invested in the friendship. They just might absolutely SUCK at messaging.
But try to introduce hangouts. Don’t do it right away. I say, after a month of good connectivity.
I have a close friend I chat with pretty much everyday. Obviously, some days are skipped. Now, we’re not texting consistently back and forth. More like once a day, consistently replying back to each other.
I consider him a bro. Close friend. My Bestfriend. I hope I’n his Bestfriend, Lol. But it’s been consistent for about 2,3 going on 4 years.
Over time my true friends came down to 1-2 guys that no matter how much time passes we just hit each other up and it’s like no time has passed. Those are the dudes I would go shoot someone for. The rest of the dudes are coworkers or people I really get along with but they have their lives and I have mine. Messaging them is usually harder because people move on and make new connections
I was watching this video on Instagram on friendships.
The guy in it was saying that all genuine friendships are made during school years.
He said, friendships you make after school years are usually the fake kind and both sides are using each other to obtain something. Some type of mutual relationship. You both don’t share any common shared experiences.
He said the genuine relationships from school has to do with the innocence of that age and the common experience you share with people, aka going through the hurdles of schooling together. A shared problem you both face.
I feel the same way, on paper things should be fine. It feels like a people are not really motivated to branch out socially like some people who are in their thirties might have. It really depends on how they were raised I guess. At times it feels like people seek out other people who are struggling with similar things or are in a similar position in life. It’s not really about being a well adjusted individual, even though some people might want to imply otherwise. They will talk real big about how you should be, carry yourself, etc yet don’t do that stuff themselves.
At time reaching out and putting the healthy sort of social skills you were raised on and heard so much about don’t really work well with people around your age. It’s this wild goose chase sometimes. I’m not expecting other people to have all the answers, just to stop bullshitting people like they are the ones at fault. Some people aren’t perfect, but there should be more to doing well socially than fitting into these small boxes.
Are you putting yourself out there in environments where you can connect with people through shared interests? Easiest one one could running clubs, martial arts – you’re meeting new people every time and have something to connect on, then you can build from there and find the guys you vibe with and make moves. People are much more secluded and mind their own business nowadays due to social media, porn and the internet – what’s the point in putting in effort into something that could go sour? Friendships do require work and society has been conditioned to gratify themselves instantly.
it’s because a lot of men such as myself (i assume) likely don’t desire to form new friendships. i have friends from school and that’s it, and i don’t have any motivation to change that. my college friends and some high school friends are my only friends, and i really appreciate a lot of them, can talk to them whenever about most things, and we try to hang out a few times a year. but even then, i don’t have some burning desire to talk to any of them more than a few times a month, if that.
i am acquaintances with my GF’s sisters partners, coworkers, etc. but regardless of well we get along, i have no desire to hang out or hit them up in any friendly capacity. but I also have a lower than average interest in socializing.