Would two people in a relationship behave like this when there is a problem or one person made an error or fucked up?
I 34F am in a serious 1-year relationship with my VERY possessive partner 30M. I am divorced with one child. Yesterday, by mistake, I called my ex by his nickname and not his real name. It happens sometimes because I called him that 8 years, and I am conscious to call him by his real name now that we are divorced. We are on good terms, very strong parents with our 3-year-old child. My partner has always been overly sensitive about my conversation with my ex. I swear to anything holy, on my son’s life, that our conversation is PURELY about our child. Even so, because I slipped up and called my ex by his nickname, I’m in a silent treatment, ‘go back to your ex’, ‘you lied to me’, cycle of HATE. When I try to explain myself, I am told that I am justifying myself and playing the victim.
- I thought that normal couples talk about their actions to help the other person understand why or what happened. IS that right? It is not justification, but an insight to what caused the mistake or fuck up.
- Would a serious couple risk a breakup over something like accidentally calling your ex husband by his nickname? Or would it be a conversation with resolve?
Mind you, my ex called me because my son used the toilet for the first time. I was talking too fast and I said his nickname. It happens! I am human! There’s nothing deeper to it.
On his side, I have forgiven and accepted a lot. He’s got a shady job where random women have his contact info, he’s almost gone to stay with a random woman during one of our breakups. But I am trusting where he finds any reason to accuse me of infidelity.
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With a VERY POSSESSIVE partner who gives you silent treatment and accuses you of infidelity, you can’t expect problem solving methods for healthy relationships to work.
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Ma’am you have two children
You know the answer, but for one, who’s playing the victim? He’s inferring he’s a victim because you called your ex by the nickname you had for the ex?
If the nickname is honey, or something similar, I can understand that he gets hurt or insecure. That’s when he needs to express how it hurt him. It’s probably jealousy, but then he needs to take responsibility and work on his jealousy issues.
Silent treatment is never OK. Wait until it settles and express your concern over how you handle conflicts, and tell him silent treatment will not be tolerated.
You have to walk on egg shells everyday?
Your boyfriend sounds like a jealous bully. There’s nothing wrong or abnormal about having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex – it’s a good thing and any mature and sensible partner would see it as a good thing for your child – and it’s absolutely not normal that you’re walking on eggshells to the point where you’re afraid to call your ex a nickname.
The silent treatment and accusations are abusive behaviours. This will not get better.
You probably haven’t gotten over your ex, your relationship isn’t formal but emotional, you still have feelings for your ex and don’t admit it.
You want to be connected to him and you keep him informed about everything, how many times do you call him a day??
I think it’s reasonable for your boyfriend to have doubts, he’s been watching your patterns with your ex and has understood that you’re not distanced from your ex.
You’re probably headed for a breakup, you’re behaving immaturely and you can’t support your relationship properly.
You’re divorced and you’re constantly on the phone with him about the slightest thing the child does.??
Your partner is probably right.
Sorry, you are clearly aware he is VERY possessive, so why are you in a relationship with him?
Why are you expecting the kind of talking that “normal” couples do, when being VERY possessive isn’t normal? Why would you expect normality from someone like that?
End it.
This isn’t ok. He’s acting insane. It’s normal for someone to slip up and use a nickname with someone they’ve known for ages, especially when you share a child together and see each other often.
The fact that he’s so quick to accuse you of infidelity when he’s the only one who has actively tried to cheat, means he’s still doing it and it’s why he’s so convinced you are.
Don’t bring your kids around people who are this possessive, and childish.