I was just walking home. It’s currently 2am where I live. I was walking on a small street, no cars, no lanterns. A man passed by me. In front of me, right where a small even darker ally turns right, stood a guy. He just stood there staring at me swaying drunkenly. I stopped in my tracks. I thought I’d just wait and see in which direction he’d walk so I could take the other. Suddenly I realise I didn’t hear the man who surpassed me walk anymore. He shouts at me: “are you scared?” I didn’t answer. Him in a broken accent: “are you scared of him? I’ll walk you home.” Me: “no!” I continued to walk but the man in the ally started to point at me and shout something. Again, I stopped. The man behind me: “don’t be scared, I’ll walk you home!” I felt trapped. I took a sharp left through somebodys yard and took another route home. Now in retrospect I’m fairly certain, that the man offering to walk me home was actually trying to help me and maybe the language barrier didn’t help. And it’s somewhat whack of me to also percieve him as a threat in that moment. But at the same time that’s just how I felt. Even if he was in the catergory of “not all men”, in this moment I had to assume he was.
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Ah, yes, I always try to suggest escorting people home after midnight when I don’t speak their language well. Works without misunderstanding 100% of the time
Don’t second-guess yourself. Both options you were presented with had potential hazards, you had no way of realistically determining if either one was better and chose to rely on yourself. No one followed you, both men were probably benign, but you acted to preserve your own safety because those threats are real. Keep doing that.
Are you regularly out that late at night alone on streets you perceive as being hazardous? Being in this position in the first place is where you should focus your energy and thought, not what you did when in that situation. You did the right thing.
It happens. Being an ally is rather thankless work, and we’re all imperfect at it.
I don’t think you were whack at all.
Maybe he’ll reflect on how he could have been more helpful, but in the end, it’s not on you for having a rational reaction in the moment, and doing your best to keep yourself safe.
If he is actually an ally, he can be expected to manage his own feels about it and understand that a misfiring threat detection on a dark street at 2 am, isn’t a personal character assassination. It’s just a rational human response.
You had no way of knowing if they were buddies trafficking. You dipped and ran because you felt off. Had you been nabbed trying to be ‘nice,’ the same men that condemn you now would have blamed you, then
Honestly, you did exactly what women are conditioned not to do: trust your instincts and prioritize your safety over being nice. You don’t need to justify why you felt unsafe. It was 2am, you were alone, and a man was inserting himself into your path. That alone is enough. You didn’t know him, his intentions, or whether he would respect your boundaries. That isn’t paranoia. It’s survival.
We spend our entire lives being told to downplay our fear so we don’t offend men. But that kind of social conditioning doesn’t keep us safe. It just makes us more vulnerable. You don’t owe any man comfort or the benefit of the doubt when your gut is telling you something feels off. So many of us have learned the hard way what happens when we ignore that feeling.
This isn’t about whether that man was nice or helpful. It’s about the fact that you couldn’t know. And the truth is, it’s not just strangers in alleyways. Most harm comes from men we already know. So even if not all men are dangerous, enough are that women have to treat situations like any of them could be. That isn’t cruel. That’s just the reality we live in.
You were smart and brave to listen to yourself. You don’t have to feel bad for doing what you needed to do to stay safe.
You did the right thing. Theres no way to know if they were working together to snatch women for trafficking. Best to trust no one in these situations.