My bf and I are having a son and I am not comfortable with him taking his last name. I’m hurt by a lot of his actions and I feel like him having my last name would make sure that I’m protecting him and myself from any future harm. My bf doesn’t agree but I wasn’t even gonna ask him just turn in the paper work how I fill it out, Does this make me the bad guy?
Not wanting to name my bf as the father legally?
r/Advice
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No, definitely not the bad guy.
Keep you and your baby safe 💕
Him being the father of the child doesn’t give him the right to be around you or the baby if he’s not respectful of you.
Sending hugs! I wish you and your baby all the best.
No.
And, if you distrust your boyfriend so much you don’t feel safe giving your child his last name, it’s time for him to be an ex bf.
Why is he still your bf?
Nope. Both my children have my last name, and when I was married I kept my name.
Do what you want! Just try to stay civil, the father has rights, too.
If you’re worried about such serious things, break up.
You don’t want the child to have his last name, don’t want him on the birth certificate or both?
You can “ignore” his existence both in name and on the birth certificate, but if at any point he’s willing to petition the court and prove paternity that could change.
You should still list him as the father, but you dont have to give your son his last name. Listing him as the father typically establishes paternity, which will make collecting child support much easier, which you will want when you leave him. Also, it sounds like you need to leave him.
Just fill it out yourself. You don’t have to even let him see you or the baby at the hospital. If you don’t want him to have custody or visitation right away, don’t put him on the birth certificate at all.
If you want him on the birth certificate as the father but you’re not sure you’ll stay together, 100% give baby your own last name. You can run into issues with paperwork later on with different last names.
If you want to change his name later and you both agree to it, it’s fine. If you give him the dad’s name and you regret it later, you can’t change it without both of your consent. So the only mistake you could fix is if you give your own name.
You can give your son any last name you want but it won’t actually protect him or you in anyway. The father still has the same rights.
Probably a conversation you should have had before making a baby?
I don’t know the full story but this warrants some type of mediation.
Not a good start to your parenting journey, if you lie – by omission.
Two separate things there. You can list him as your baby’s father without giving your baby his surname.
No, it doesn’t make you the bad guy, but if you distrust your boyfriend so much, and are so hurt and upset by him, why is he your boyfriend and not your ex boyfriend.
Make him an ex and raise your baby withoot (what you’re clearly avoiding saying is) abuse. 👊
NTA. Name him as the baby’s father for child support. You aren’t married, the baby legally falls under your name, only losers put the fathers name if they aren’t married.
How does giving your kid his last name put him in any danger ? … honestly ? Like what?
He should become your ex and no your child doesn’t have to have his last name. You will be the one filling out the paperwork and you can tell them beforehand that he is NOT to touch the paperwork. If you don’t want him there at any point you can have them ask him to leave, if he refuses security will escort him out if needed. If you don’t want him there during birth tell them beforehand they can block him from coming in or if you get there without him and he comes there asking for you they won’t even tell him you’re there..
You can choose not to give your child the father’s last name.
But that doesn’t impact his legal rights as a parent at all. He still has all the same legal rights to the child.
Maybe you should have through about that before you….
You don’t have to give the baby his last name for him to be the father. He can be on the birth certificate as the father and you can give your baby your last name. Or, if you prefer, just leave the father blank on the birth certificate. He could sue for rights/paternity down the road though.
You did all the work. You get to choose the name.
No. If your instincts are to protect you and your baby then do it.
You are not the bad guy.
But honestly, sweetie? If you are having these thoughts he probably shouldn’t be your boyfriend anymore. ❤️
You can’t deprive the child because you say the father is emotionally immature, he is the father, he has rights. Sorry, but you have to work out some co parenting plans and such for the sake of the child, this isn’t just about you and him now.
If anything this opens up a loop-hole for him to get out of it without any restriction like child support or duty of care.
In some places if your names on the birth certificate your legally bound to look after that child whether your the bio dad or not.
I also don’t understand what’s going on when you say you’re “protecting him from future harm”. That ship has already sailed, if you’re in the relationship and he’s going to be a primary care giver for any considerable length of time he can look for custody or visitation rights.
I know you have a lot going on and your mind is going crazy but you really need to talk to someone in real life that can help guide you on this.
Nobody on here can give reliable trustworthy advice and unfortunately I don’t know the right direction to point you in.
Maybe if you share your country or state someone might be able to share some resources or guidance options in your area.
Your not married. Give your son YOUR last name. It’s your choice, not the bf’s.
You may want to say where you are if you want legal type advice. It’s not the same everywhere.
Good luck whatever you decide to do x
What were his actions? You could try and take away a lot of things on the paper but if he wants his rights he can prove it on court easily.
Person who gives birth gets to name the child. If you didn’t push ’em out 🤫.
Now, in terms of the last name, most cultures recognize the mother’s lineage and last name first. So, it’s not that unusual, just because it’s not usual for your culture.
Do what you want. You’re going to be a mother and have to make decisions, the right decisions, for that kid until they’re 18. You got this and don’t listen to naysayers including the baby daddy.