I’ve never wanted to touch or date a kid and I don’t really know how to describe it but i get reoccurring thoughts about it when i see a video of a baby that just tells me that I’m attracted to it. It keeps popping back into my head that i like kids like everywhere i go now and now I’m really not sure if it’s true or not.
I know how my intrusive thoughts feel but this one is recurring enough that I’m worried it’s true now and I’m like actually attracted to them.
I know it seems crazy to people when i describe the intrusive thoughts i have, and for some people they think i can just turn them off or be less nervous about them, but the things i think feel very real to me and it’s important to me that i talk about it. I know that i would never touch a child and it’s not like i fantasize about them but i do like it when babies cry it kind of makes me happy and like what if thats actually sexual intrest.
Comments
this is textbook OCD, specifically P-OCD
you need to see a mental health professional ASAP. meds can help (SSRIs specifcially), so can TMS, so can ketamine. in terms of therapy, your options are going to be ERP or I-CBT. i recommend I-CBT because it’s more focused on the obsessions/intrusive thoughts while ERP is more focused on the compulsions.
to anyone commenting: please do not provide reassurance to OP. it’s human nature to want to reassure someone who is suffering, but reassurance seeking is an OCD compulsion and receiving that reassurance only strengths the disorder in the long run, even if it provides short-term relief from the anxiety. we can’t possibly know whether OP is truly a pedophile or not. is it likely? probably not. but by reassuring them, it only rewires their brain into believing reassurance seeking is a healthy way of relieving anxiety. it is not.
(i’ve suffered from OCD, including P-OCD for 20 years. i’m also a therapist. not diagnosing OP, but i won’t be shocked if a professional concluded they have OCD.)