hi so I’m a 19F and this older man comes into my job regularly. the first time i saw him, he was smiling alot and trying to make small conversation. i saw no issue with this, and just decided to be a nice employee.
today, i was helping another customer, and he saw me and asked for my name and such. again, i thought he was being nice. so then after he asked me, “what’s wrong name why don’t you have a rock on that pretty little finger?” and im assuming i looked taken aback so he followed up with a sorry.
he then asked me if i minded having an older man take me out, i said no. and i got this contact information.
he sent me a message, which showed no signs of red flags yet.
however i am a bit undecided if i should further this on. im 20 in August, and yes i can’t even buy myself an alcoholic beverage so im on the fences about this. i don’t mind seeing where it could go, butttttt i need some advice.
do i text him back or leave it alone completely and avoid him at work…?
older man asked for my number at work
r/Advice
Comments
Just be aware of the power dynamic older men usually love when it comes to younger women. If it’s no strings attached, have fun and be safe. If he’s trying to settle with you, well there’s a reason he’s going after young women. Chances are once you are a little older, his eyes will wonder to the next barely legal girl. Older men that want girls still in their teens gross me out in general. Overall be safe, aware, and have fun. These are your fun years! Don’t let a man stop you from that because he knows this is a fun time in everyone’s life and if he wants to take that from you that’s a red flag
What do you want out of this? Also how old is this guy?
How much older?
How much older?
Just go for it and see where it goes
There is no benefit to dating an older man aside from his money.
There is NO benefit to dating an older man aside from his money.
You can pursue this if you want but I’m telling you there is nothing aside from money that you will find with an older man that you won’t find with a man your age. Why? Because a man that is dating someone as young as you, not the age gap because a 30 and a 60 year old could maybe find common ground, but a man willing to date a 19 year old is only good for his money. Trust me.
Go for it.
I’m not sure what you can’t even buy alcohol on your own has to do with it. People are way too alcoholic I guess.
1 how much older and 2 is he rich. If 2 is yes forget 1
In my experience older guys who go after younger women are typically creeps. They usually say things like:
“I like them younger because you can mold them,” or “I like them younger because they let you be in charge”.
Another common one “women my age have too much baggage”. You know what “too much baggage” means? It means theyve learnt to stand up for themselves after being treated like crap by other guys.
This is about power to older guys. They want someone they can push around and control. Someone who doesn’t have the experience of how they should be treated.
It’s your life, but speaking as a guy who has known plenty of this kind of guy… There’s a 99% chance this will be an unpleasant relationship where he will try to control and manipulate you.
Older men only want to date teenagers bc women their age are privy to his bullshit and won’t date him. No normal adult man wants to date a girl whose age ends in teen. As are others, I’m curious how much older we’re talking here. 21? Bc that’s not weird. 25? 30? 35? Older than that? Kind of an important piece of information. How old is this older man. Guessing way older than you.
Generally an older guy likes you for who you are and wants you to be yourself.
His pick up lines sound cheesy, “what’s wrong name why don’t you have a rock on that pretty little finger?”
It sounds weak and like a cheap gimmick that he uses a lot to lure insecure gold diggers.
TBH I don’t like him, but I may be judging him wrong.
I mean, is this “older guy” 25 years old or is he 45 years old. Both would qualify as “older” relative to you, but it’s a big difference.
Hard Pass!
I love all of the people saying why you shouldn’t do it because they know all lol. It’s your life to do what you want
One thing I’ve learned from dating girls, and then asking them questions in the beginning is that, they all say
“Oh I thought he was just being nice to me so I was being nice back”
Like genuinely thinking a guy coming up and complimenting you is just a genuine compliment and he’s gonna move on with his day.
He’ll just use you and try to make you his property and also try having you obey his commands, he’s only nice now til he gets control of you
Be careful! Keep boundaries clear and I wouldn’t get yourself into any situation where you’ll be alone. You don’t really know this guy and as other people mentioned they enjoy the power dynamic and may take advantage of that.
Despite what people will tell you there’s not actually something morally wrong with dating someone older.
It just makes people uncomfortable. Your choice. I am a little curious about just how old he is though. 40 old, or 60 old?
Grand dad’s got weird intentions and beliefs, be ready for the weirdest treatment ever, or potentially the best you’ve ever had. He might be old school and expect 100% Old School traditional acts and treatment from you.
Nah …I’m older and that is gross
Text him back. Touch his butt.
The man being 10-20 years older is normal as he is established 10-20 after the woman.
I had a 50s guy in my early 20s. It was fun. He took me on my first real date. (not kfc or movies). He got me a nice outfit, commandeered a grand piano to play me a song he wrote over our steak dinner and we took a couple trips. He even brought my bff along buying her plane ticket. I think he knew it wouldn’t last- and it didn’t… If you’re single I’d take a shot. And If you’re not into it he’s old enough to accept “No, but thank you for the compliment!” 🙂
It really depends upon how old he is. If he’s like 30 that’s not terrible but you don’t really have much there. But if he’s like 50 unless he’s Keith Richards or somebody of that funky caliber I wouldn’t even consider it.
Is he Count Orlock?
So ?
Is he a dinosaurs?
We don’t know what older is from your perspective. There’s 3, 5, 7, 10, 15 years, etc.,.
Pass on it buddy, the pickup line alone told me all I needed to know. Dude is a creep and he’s just hiding the flags for rn. Immediately jumping straight to an assertion of marriage is a flag on the field, as he barely knows you and he’s asking why you aren’t married at 19.
Ask yourself why he isn’t with someone his own age, why is he hitting on people much younger than him. The rest of us in older age groups can see it, and that’s why they go after younger people instead, because y’all can’t see it yet from your perspective more often than not. They do it because people his age are experienced enough to see the game he’s up to and nobody wants to play.
Saying this as someone who was taken advantage of by older women when I was younger, they used similar lines.
If he is like 30 then not a big deal but if he is pushing 50, that’s creepy imo.
If you want to have casual sex with an older man go for it. Having experienced it from the opposite gender a relationship is a BAD idea. The reason older people date younger is because age appropriate partners see through their bullshit. But if the sex is all receiving and no giving drop that shit. Relationship wise the older woman I dated in my 20s was a mess. Sex wise she taught me a lot about pleasing a woman. So if you have a sexual relationship and he’s trying to help you explore your sexuality on like a mutual respect level where he cares as much about your pleasure as his own it could be a good experience.
Do not date this person long term. I’m sure there are plenty of cases where it worked out but as a dude I’m skeeved out by other grown ass men in their late 30s/40s dating younger women. The woman I dated in my 20s who was 40 was a walking red flag looking back so it’s not JUST men.
Generally older partners are able to impress younger partners with a lifestyle that a younger partner their own age can’t and so there is almost always a financial imbalance that can lead to financial abuse. Coupled with the life experience imbalance in general age gap relationships are often predatory.
I’ll take you out I’m 30 and I’m fun lol