The minute a man goes to hit or hurt you, leave him immediately. They don’t change. I’ve never been hit but I’ve picked up my friends who have. Don’t be the one that keeps going back.
u/Lex070161 said it best. Have your own way to make money.
Depend upon yourself. No matter how much you may love someone you don’t know what the future holds. You want to earn your income and be able to make good decisions.
Self esteem is not granted to you – or to everyone BUT you – as a birthright. You are not lacking in self esteem because someone didn’t give you any. The Self Esteem Fairy does not come crap it onto your head in the night.
You have to grow it yourself, tend it like a garden your whole life, and learn the skills to keep the pests and predators out of it.
Do not just sit around sadly saying "oh well, bad things happen to me because I don’t have good self esteem" as if that’s not your problem to solve. Got trauma? Deal with it. Got bad people in your life? Get away. Getting hurt over and over again because you decided you are only allowed to beg for scraps from the worst people you can find? Decide something different today, my friend, and then get up and do it again tomorrow, and so on.
Put tools in your toolbox all the time so you have them in the future when you need them: when the hardships come, when the opportunities to succeed arrive and they are scary, when you need to be brave, when you need to support the people you love, when you need to accept help, when your body is acting wrong. You think you’re going to go your entire life, in THIS economy, never experiencing anxiety and/or depression, trauma, disappointment, fear, grief?? You will, and you should already know what to do when they come.
Learn to see it: almost everything in this world WANTS you begging for scraps so they can constantly sell you useless shit to make yourself feel better for maybe a minute. It’s in your crappy working conditions, it’s in the way science and medicine treat us as lesser entities, it’s an army of mediocre men who wouldn’t stand a chance if you set yourself standards higher than "breathing". The last thing any of these forces want are for you to place an appropriate value on your time, money, attention, and energy because they only want to bargain-shop. They need that value artificially lowered.
Be a friend to yourself the same way you’d be a friend to someone you really deeply care about – always have their back and also be prepared to lovingly call them on their bullshit when they need it. Talk to yourself like an ally, like a collaborator, and if that doesn’t come easily at first then at least start with talking to yourself with at least the civility you’d show a coworker you’ve never met before. At least talk to yourself appropriately enough that you wouldn’t get called in to HR.
You are the only relationship you will be forced to have your entire life. Make it work.
Recommended reading:
The Resilience Workbook: Essential Skills to Recover from Stress, Trauma, and Adversity
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook
The Self-Esteem Workbook (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
The Modern Trauma Toolkit: Nurture Your Post-Traumatic Growth with Personalized Solutions
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma
Be kind to your self and quick to forgive yourself. You are worth it. You are only promised to wake up and look at yourself. Everyone else is negotiable. Love those that love you and don’t ever try to convince any one of your value. You’ve got this!
Have self respect and create strong boundaries. Don’t make your life about your looks. Create a life that’s interesting and fulfilling for yourself — that will bring the right people to you.
In addition to what others have said about finances, insist on a yours/mine/ours system should you end up married or in a long term partnership. Each person contributes to a shared account for shared expenses, proportionate to their income. What each person has left is theirs, in a private account. This kept my husband and I from fighting over money. Always pay what’s fair, but never give up your autonomy.
Only have children if you truly want the experience of guiding a young person through childhood into adulthood. No child deserves to be raised by someone who had them resentfully due to social coercion or to check a box on an imagined "life list".
If you’re pretty, enjoy it. But don’t make it your identity. Your brain is likely to outlast your looks, and if you value your looks over your brain, you’ll be in a world of hurt when menopause comes knocking.
Get an education of some kind and always make your own money. Be a person of substance (read, travel, study, learn skills) and do good in the world. Learn to be your own comfort and never be afraid to get therapy/help if you need it. Good luck!
Never settle thinking you will be alone, a relationship that is just settling is not worth it.
As the others have said, always have the skills to be able to support yourself, Go to college, go to trade school but do what ever it takes for you to be able to support yourself. Have money put back that your partner may not know of. You may some day have an emergency situation that the money will be a huge help.
Never ever allow your partner to hit you. No 2nd chances. It is never your fault, and if they have done it once and gotten away with it, they will do it again.
Take care of your health and your body, it is the only one you have.
Remember you think you can depends on others, but the only 1 that you 100% know you can count on is YOU. Put yourself in the position to take care of you.
Stand up for yourself….. Do not give control to the patriarchy. ever. Keep your own name if you marry and have your own bank accounts. The world has changed since we were young. Women need to be stay assertive and be ready to fight for the freedoms we have left. whatever that looks like.
Hos over bros!!! Never ever give up your friends or social life or hobbies or anything else for a man (or woman). If they can’t fit with what’s important to you, they shouldn’t be in your important list.
Understanding how to manage money, budgeting, and saving is one of the keys to your sanity. Learn everything you can about managing and prioritizing expenses. Protect what you make, because others will find all sorts of ways to spend it if you donʻt have an organized plan.
Your no means no and it’s a sentence. Be confident in what you want. If you don’t like something you’re not required to stay around. Love and be loved. Save your money. Even if it’s $20/mo. Your older self will appreciate it. Travel and get a passport and use it.
appreciate how beautiful you are right now. don’t dream about some future moment when you will be more perfect. it’s vapor. be strong and grounded in this moment and have fun! your future partner and family will happen as they are supposed to. worrying about them only spoils today’s adventures. and it’s today’s adventures that make you the complex beautiful self that will attract the best people to your life.
Spend the money on a very well-made classic black purse. It will last your whole life, and it’s a must-have item. I bought a Louie when I got an unexpected cash windfall. It was 1990, I paid $1,800 for it and it’s still in perfect shape.
Buy shoes that fit. Outrageous high heels will be on your feet, maybe an hour before you pull them off.
A well-made black 2" kitten heel shoe will never be out of style. Another thing to spend a big amount of money on.
A Simple black dress with a jacket is also something that never goes out of style. Conservative neckline, and length falling just below the knee.
Dress classy, you will be classy. Classic is sexy.
Do not rely on anyone else for your financial freedom. 40% of marriages end and 100% think they’re the exception. Also, babies will not fix a marriage or change a spouse the way you want.
And lastly, please stop it with the fake eyelashes and shoe polish eyebrows. They look ridiculous and you’re so much prettier without that stuff.
Don’t base your self worth on how much romantic attention you get from men (or women). I used to think if a man wanted to sleep with me that meant I was pretty. I wish I had found my self-esteem and self-worth so much earlier.
A partner is not a project. Don’t pick your partner based on potential or in the hope that they will change for the better. And if you choose poorly, don’t complain about them not changing if you aren’t willing to change your life to leave them.
Use sunscreen. Avoid too much alcohol consumption. Exercise and eat right so that when you’re an old woman, you’ll still be active and great looking for your 50s and 60s!
Edit to add: get spare keys. Carry one but not in your purse. If you can lock your desk at work and it’s safe, hide one in a locked drawer. Had a friend once who didnt carry a spare. But if she had one at work, she could have gone home that night instead of staying at a friend’s with no change of clothes!
Get your education and don’t give any man wife privileges if he hasn’t made you his wife. That includes living together! I know young women not trying to hear that but FOR REAL y’all need to stop letting these men make you ‘prove’ you’re wife material. Including a test-run of living together
I can’t even fake, I did everything backwards myself and it worked out, but I’m pretty much the ONLY woman I know where it worked out. I’ve seen plenty of women get the short end in these situations, for nearly 30 years now. If you want to get married then just do that and skip playing house. If you don’t want to get married, cool then just stay dating and living apart. Otherwise you’ll be expected to do wife stuff without the legal protections and benefits.
Do not marry what I call a baby-man. This is the guy willing to let you do everything because he has pretend incompetence. If he’s into too much gaming, or drugs, or alcohol, or gambling…he’ll take you down with him. If you have kids, they go down too and when they’re old enough, he’ll expect them to wait on him too. Have your own marketable skill set so you can always support yourself and your kids. Don’t pick a guy who wants you to quit school, or a good job, or work for him for free and he doesn’t have to pay into social security for you. For guys, don’t marry who you know is a bimbo. Marry someone with a proven track record and no crazy ex mates. Having a child is OK as long as you know the kid comes first and you’re fine with that. For both sexes don’t have sex with people you’d be ashamed to be in public with. In fact, remember sexual intercourse is one of the most hazardous experiences. This is serious baby making, STD forever, naked with a potential serial killer event.
Start saving now! Financial independence is key to freedom that way you can take a man or leave them! You won’t be stuck for financial reasons , take care of your skin, body, mental health,
Be protective of your own body. Learn self defense and never let anyone convince you that you don’t need a condom. Fuck sob stories, look out for yourself.
Learn how to be happy on your own. No one can take that away from you and it will keep you from jumping into a bad relationship just because you are lonely.
Also…. don’t get pregnant. Especially if you aren’t in an extremely committed, stable, grown up relationship- one in which there is healthy, mutual respect and you’re both employed with a healthy “power” balance. It’s not romantic or sexy or cool – it doesn’t trap or guarantee.
(1) When choosing a partner, make sure it is a true partnership. Both of you need to see each other as equals and actively seeking each other’s true happiness. Know your own value, but don’t forget how precious your partner is to you. Without this, you are better off alone.
(2) The best way to look your best is to take care of your health. Regular exercise, good nutrition, and a good skin moisturizer are your best anti-aging tools. We all want to look our best, but aging is inevitable, and there comes a day when you realize you aren’t young anymore. At that point, you can either spend all of your time and money on trying to hold onto your youth (which fools no one) or you can embrace the inner beauty, strength, and wisdom that comes with experience. A mature woman who still takes care of herself but knows that her worth is far deeper than her wrinkles and belly fat is truly beautiful.
(3) Start saving money when you’re young. Make it a habit, even if it’s only a few dollars every payday, and don’t touch it. Also, stay out of debt. If you can’t afford a purchase outright, wait until you can. Make compound interest work for you, not against you.
Really great advice on here. I would add, learn how to do things you would expect a man to do. Learn how to fix things and how to use basic tools. If something is broken, there is at least one, if not dozens of videos on you tube showing how to fix it. I’ve fixed my dishwasher and dryer. It’s very satisfying and money saving. My best fix was getting a plastic bottle stuck in the toilet curves by putting the toilet on its side and blowing the bottle out with a leaf blower. Purely creative thinking.
Do all the things that you think that you don’t have time for or that you think you can get away with not doing. Using sunscreen, flossing, moisturizing and exercising & stretches. Not necessarily exercising for vanity but for stability, balance, and overall flexibility. I wish I had listened when I was younger. I’m in decent shape but it would have been better if I was consistent earlier in life.
Appreciate how beautiful you are and quit hating on your body.
Don’t tie yourself to a man who doesn’t prioritize you and look out for your needs and wants as well as his own. Discuss things like children and bank accounts BEFORE you marry.
Make time for friendships. So often we sideline friends when we marry and it leaves a hole.
When you hit your 40s research perimenopause and talk to your doctor about any symptoms. If they blow you off, find another doctor.
Same advice I have for young men – all that crap the movies/tv tell you are super important? They aren’t.
No amount of being popular or the right body shape or the right clothes or dating partner will ever feel as good as the self confidence and comfort of being and liking who you truly are.
Your people are out there. Find them. If you can’t find a group of them start adopting the stray ones you find in the wild and make a group out of them.
Also, don’t smoke, wear sunscreen/uva uvb protection sunglasses, and brush/floss your teeth everyday.
Your boyfriend is not going to change. Do NOT waste your time waiting for it to happen. People are on their best behavior at the beginning of the relationship – if anything, he’ll just get worse.
First, gain self confidence in any way you can. People can sense insecurity a mile away, and will use you. Read every book written about abusive relationships. Get educated doing something you enjoy. Save money your whole life. Have good paying jobs. Don’t have children unless you’re 1000% sure, ,and even then, not to keep up with your friends. When you’re young, you may have to learn some of these things the hard way, which may ruin your mental health. If you depend on your good looks to get by, they will be gone soon enough, and you’ll have nothing.
Do not sacrifice your needs or comfort for the comfort of others. You’ll be tempted by thinking, well, I love them and they would do the same for me. No, they won’t. Anyone who would actually do the same for you, would never ask you to sacrifice yourself for them. You can still be kind and generous, but only do so from a place of abundance.
Don’t stay in a job, relationship, or anything else that turns you into someone you don’t want to be. If you end up hating what you’ve become in that situation, you have to leave.
Don’t settle when it comes to a life time partner. Do all the health care preventative stuff that they tell you to and make sure you love who you are before you share your life with someone for life – spouses can’t fix you
Stop chasing men. Don’t beg them to talk about the relationship and send them texts. If a guy likes you, he will call or text you. Keep your own interests and friends and leave a little mystery about yourself.
Never allow yourself to become dependent on another person. Not a partner, parents, or anyone else.
Then, do all you can to maintain your independence for as long as possible-well into your senior years. Meaning, take excellent care of your physical body, protect your mind and mental health. Prepare financially and protect your assets.
Be smart. Learn all you can, never stop education, whether formally or independently.
The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. Build it strong and nurture it throughout your life.
Be mindful of stress. Avoid unnecessary stressors.
Build deep, strong friendships. Let the shallow ones fall away.
You’ve got a lot of good comments here. Take some from all of us and be kind. Be kind to everyone, especially yourself.
Ask a few questions of your potential partners, gauge their attitudes toward addiction, gambling, violence, finances. Listen to their opinion on their friends relationship breakups. LOOK AT HOW THEY TREAT THE WOMEN IN THEIR FAMILY. Look at that family’s standards and norms, they will be your norms soon enough.
Make your own money, maintain your job skills one way or the other, keep separate bank accounts. Keep some money secret if you’re married. Just in case
The first time your significant other yells at you , belittles you, puts their hands on you in a non.playful way, run don’t walk. Always , always have a plan b
Women spend so much of their youth finding their value in the eyes of men and forget what they, women, bring to the table.
We start becoming what men want us to be too soon. Know your worth! Know that you are smart, or funny, or athletic, or creative, or whatever and never, ever let that be minimized. The first time he tries to belittle you or your accomplishments is the last time. Know. Your. Worth.
Lift weights
Drink lots of water
Wear sunscreen religiously all the way down your neck to your boobs, and on your arms and hands too
Don’t have kids if you don’t want them
Don’t waste time looking to be in a relationship or chasing someone. Spend your 20s figuring out yourself – what do you love to do for fun, what are you good at professionally and what about yourself is holding you back? Really learn to love yourself.
Don’t drink so much. I know it’s a thing but .. it’s not good for you and you will probably do stuff you wish you hadn’t. Spend more time at the gym, cultivating strong relationships with people, and finding people who share your interests.
The partnership will (or won’t) come, but don’t wait for it to begin your life.
Save your money… Never settle….WE teach people how to treat us…. Travel in your 20s…. Volunteer … Smile all the b time- people will wonder what you are up to!
Do not shrink yourself because you think it will make someone love you. The RIGHT man will love you for your strength, your intelligence and your independence.
Practice becoming the partner you wish to have. Be authentic in everything you do, and don’t let anyone tell you that you are unlovable or unworthy. Anyone that will tell you that is projecting their feelings about themselves upon you
Slow down enough to think things thru. Evaluate all your relationships and take care of the good ones. Really look at your priorities and make a plan to get there.
Don’t get married. And if you do have a prenup- always. Half of marriages end in divorce and plenty of unhappy people stay married due to finances. People change over years and decades – don’t think your marriage is any different than any other- they all start with people assuming it’s forever.
Take care of your back. When it goes, your screwed.
Don’t waste your time with men that are not keepers.
Birth control until your ready.
Maintain a modicum of independence, don’t depend on a man fully.
Love it not a fairy tale. It’s hard work, but worth it when its your person.
Find ways to he successful without man. Don’t spend your life looking for rich man. Instead be the rich woman. Build strong career, be ready to learn and take new challenges
Make sure that you have your own house, car, money. Don’t allow yourself to be put in a position where you depend on someone else’s support to stay afloat.
Don’t settle for the wrong relationship just because you feel like you’re on a timeline. Also piggybacking off of that – this is very important – PLEASE be picky with whom you decide to have children with.
Date and fall in love with yourself. I got tired of dating and started taking myself out to dinner and a movie, etc. Once you love yourself, you can accomplish anything.
Make a soundtrack of your life with your favorite tracks. I find that singing before an interview or something difficult relieves part of the anxiety and nervousness.
Music also gives your brain the same levels of oxyticin as narcotic drugs and makes you feel happier.But then again I’m a junkie for music anyway. I believe it’s the glue of the world. The one thing that can bring us all back together.
Make sure you have your own money. Don’t ever depend on a guy to be your financial source. If you do, you’ll be sorry when you get into your 40’s (or sooner) and realize you should have had something you could have fallen back on to take care of yourself. Of course this is not how everyone’s life will be but if you want confidence in yourself and security later in life, you’ll do just this.
Find away to be financially independent and always be prepared to leave if your needs aren’t being met. If a man has the ability to feed you he has the ability to starve you. Have your own means to support you.
Remember -if everybody likes you you are doing something wrong. It’s okay to not be everybody’s cup of tea. And It’s not just okay, it’s actually important to not be all things and in alignment with all people. It is okay to respectfully disagree. Having independent thoughts and opinions is a wonderful thing!
Don’t get into whatever this choking sex thing that I see when I’m watching porn. What the hell! It may have been a niche thing years ago that some people done but it’s been made so mainstream now it almost looks like it’s a natural part of sex. Fuck that!
Don’t pin your expectations on another person. If you put off something you want because you are waiting for the “perfect” whatever (time, person, paycheck), you don’t want it enough.
I mean grad school, traveling, getting a dog, buying a house, even having a kid, you absolutely do not have to wait for the perfect school, time, or person. You are a fully separate human being, separate from family and friends and love interests. Your own personal decision has value. But once you commit to the dog, the school, the house, the trip, the kid, do it well. Honor yourself by being who you expect YOURSELF to be. And finish what you start.
Enjoy all the parts, the hard parts, the easy parts, the challenging but rewarding, the beauty and the sorrows. Earn every birth stretch mark, hike sprained ankle, broken heart, and have good learning from gaining these marks of life and make good choices going forward that help you enjoy living.
And when you do fall in love, let it happen, and enjoy it, and if it ends, end it and grieve it. And stand up and move on.
We are built to experience things with many senses. We move through life feeling and learning and growing and knowing. May you thrive.
Ignore men. I’m 46 and I’ve got what, 40 years left and I’ve NO INTEREST in men. They suddenly seem like a huge waste of energy. Have kids and live in a group environment with WOMEN. If I could tell my young self it’d be this: compromise nothing for a man.
Moisturize your face and neck daily. Always wear sunscreen. Start a savings account, even if you only put i. $10 at a time. Start one asap.
Take time to enjoy being young. Take time with your parents and siblings. They won’t be with us as long as we think.
Someday you will look back at a picture of yourself at this age and say, wow I looked great. So stop looking at yourself right now and picking all the insignificant things you think aren’t perfect.
Comments
Know your worth.
Always have the work skills necessary to take care of yourself entirely. Then you will be able to walk from any unhealthy situation.
Take care of your body and your teeth. Mental health too. Prioritize yourself and your happiness. Don’t settle just because you want kids.
Don’t get sucked into crush culture.
Train yourself to not like people who don’t like you back, and focus on people who already like you.
Forget trying to be skinny. Lift weights to be strong instead. Your bones will thank you later too.
The minute a man goes to hit or hurt you, leave him immediately. They don’t change. I’ve never been hit but I’ve picked up my friends who have. Don’t be the one that keeps going back.
u/Lex070161 said it best. Have your own way to make money.
Depend upon yourself. No matter how much you may love someone you don’t know what the future holds. You want to earn your income and be able to make good decisions.
As my husband says. Choose wisely.
Always have a Plan "B"
Self esteem is not granted to you – or to everyone BUT you – as a birthright. You are not lacking in self esteem because someone didn’t give you any. The Self Esteem Fairy does not come crap it onto your head in the night.
You have to grow it yourself, tend it like a garden your whole life, and learn the skills to keep the pests and predators out of it.
Do not just sit around sadly saying "oh well, bad things happen to me because I don’t have good self esteem" as if that’s not your problem to solve. Got trauma? Deal with it. Got bad people in your life? Get away. Getting hurt over and over again because you decided you are only allowed to beg for scraps from the worst people you can find? Decide something different today, my friend, and then get up and do it again tomorrow, and so on.
Put tools in your toolbox all the time so you have them in the future when you need them: when the hardships come, when the opportunities to succeed arrive and they are scary, when you need to be brave, when you need to support the people you love, when you need to accept help, when your body is acting wrong. You think you’re going to go your entire life, in THIS economy, never experiencing anxiety and/or depression, trauma, disappointment, fear, grief?? You will, and you should already know what to do when they come.
Learn to see it: almost everything in this world WANTS you begging for scraps so they can constantly sell you useless shit to make yourself feel better for maybe a minute. It’s in your crappy working conditions, it’s in the way science and medicine treat us as lesser entities, it’s an army of mediocre men who wouldn’t stand a chance if you set yourself standards higher than "breathing". The last thing any of these forces want are for you to place an appropriate value on your time, money, attention, and energy because they only want to bargain-shop. They need that value artificially lowered.
Be a friend to yourself the same way you’d be a friend to someone you really deeply care about – always have their back and also be prepared to lovingly call them on their bullshit when they need it. Talk to yourself like an ally, like a collaborator, and if that doesn’t come easily at first then at least start with talking to yourself with at least the civility you’d show a coworker you’ve never met before. At least talk to yourself appropriately enough that you wouldn’t get called in to HR.
You are the only relationship you will be forced to have your entire life. Make it work.
Recommended reading:
Be smart…about money, career, your body and health. Keep learning and an open mind. It ALL matters!!!
Exercise. Starting around 30 years old, muscle strength drops. I went from floor pushups on my knees to not being able to do them at all.
Be kind to your self and quick to forgive yourself. You are worth it. You are only promised to wake up and look at yourself. Everyone else is negotiable. Love those that love you and don’t ever try to convince any one of your value. You’ve got this!
Decenter men. They are not the fantasy protectors and partners you’ve been told they are.
Have self respect and create strong boundaries. Don’t make your life about your looks. Create a life that’s interesting and fulfilling for yourself — that will bring the right people to you.
Wear sunscreen. And sunglasses.
Learn to invest for yourself. Learn to do your own taxes. Don’t be afraid to travel on your own.
Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own secret battles.
Know yourself and be true to yourself.
Have a sense of humor and a good work ethic.
Don’t ditch a friend because something better came up. Be a real friend.
Stay. True. To. Yourself.
In addition to what others have said about finances, insist on a yours/mine/ours system should you end up married or in a long term partnership. Each person contributes to a shared account for shared expenses, proportionate to their income. What each person has left is theirs, in a private account. This kept my husband and I from fighting over money. Always pay what’s fair, but never give up your autonomy.
Only have children if you truly want the experience of guiding a young person through childhood into adulthood. No child deserves to be raised by someone who had them resentfully due to social coercion or to check a box on an imagined "life list".
If you’re pretty, enjoy it. But don’t make it your identity. Your brain is likely to outlast your looks, and if you value your looks over your brain, you’ll be in a world of hurt when menopause comes knocking.
Get an education of some kind and always make your own money. Be a person of substance (read, travel, study, learn skills) and do good in the world. Learn to be your own comfort and never be afraid to get therapy/help if you need it. Good luck!
Strong over sexy.
Invest early and consistently.
Never settle.
Make sure you have some kind of marketable skill and your own money
Never settle thinking you will be alone, a relationship that is just settling is not worth it.
As the others have said, always have the skills to be able to support yourself, Go to college, go to trade school but do what ever it takes for you to be able to support yourself. Have money put back that your partner may not know of. You may some day have an emergency situation that the money will be a huge help.
Never ever allow your partner to hit you. No 2nd chances. It is never your fault, and if they have done it once and gotten away with it, they will do it again.
Take care of your health and your body, it is the only one you have.
Remember you think you can depends on others, but the only 1 that you 100% know you can count on is YOU. Put yourself in the position to take care of you.
Stand up for yourself….. Do not give control to the patriarchy. ever. Keep your own name if you marry and have your own bank accounts. The world has changed since we were young. Women need to be stay assertive and be ready to fight for the freedoms we have left. whatever that looks like.
There are 49 other states if your boyfriend breaks up with you. Follow your dreams
Hos over bros!!! Never ever give up your friends or social life or hobbies or anything else for a man (or woman). If they can’t fit with what’s important to you, they shouldn’t be in your important list.
Look into nutrition. Real food heals and keeps you healthy. Research the hell out of any diagnosis. If you don’t have health nothing else matters.
Understanding how to manage money, budgeting, and saving is one of the keys to your sanity. Learn everything you can about managing and prioritizing expenses. Protect what you make, because others will find all sorts of ways to spend it if you donʻt have an organized plan.
And don’t let anyone treat you badly.
Your no means no and it’s a sentence. Be confident in what you want. If you don’t like something you’re not required to stay around. Love and be loved. Save your money. Even if it’s $20/mo. Your older self will appreciate it. Travel and get a passport and use it.
Don’t be so desperate! You probably have way more power than you realize.
appreciate how beautiful you are right now. don’t dream about some future moment when you will be more perfect. it’s vapor. be strong and grounded in this moment and have fun! your future partner and family will happen as they are supposed to. worrying about them only spoils today’s adventures. and it’s today’s adventures that make you the complex beautiful self that will attract the best people to your life.
you guys have such great advice thank you so much<3
Women play at sex for love and men play at love for sex. Once you understand that, have as much sex as you want, but no expectations.
Don’t have kids without a village.
Treat yourself with the same kindness you would treat a beloved friend or family member. We are just SO hard on ourselves!!
Spend the money on a very well-made classic black purse. It will last your whole life, and it’s a must-have item. I bought a Louie when I got an unexpected cash windfall. It was 1990, I paid $1,800 for it and it’s still in perfect shape.
Buy shoes that fit. Outrageous high heels will be on your feet, maybe an hour before you pull them off.
A well-made black 2" kitten heel shoe will never be out of style. Another thing to spend a big amount of money on.
A Simple black dress with a jacket is also something that never goes out of style. Conservative neckline, and length falling just below the knee.
Dress classy, you will be classy. Classic is sexy.
Do not rely on anyone else for your financial freedom. 40% of marriages end and 100% think they’re the exception. Also, babies will not fix a marriage or change a spouse the way you want.
And lastly, please stop it with the fake eyelashes and shoe polish eyebrows. They look ridiculous and you’re so much prettier without that stuff.
Put yourself first!
Bond with your mother for as long as you have her.
You always cum first!
Do not let anyone gaslight you. I crumbled, not believing in myself, don’t let that happen to you.good luck
You don’t need a guy but if you get one keep your own self including bank account.
Don’t base your self worth on how much romantic attention you get from men (or women). I used to think if a man wanted to sleep with me that meant I was pretty. I wish I had found my self-esteem and self-worth so much earlier.
A partner is not a project. Don’t pick your partner based on potential or in the hope that they will change for the better. And if you choose poorly, don’t complain about them not changing if you aren’t willing to change your life to leave them.
Also, wear sunscreen and stay hydrated.
Use sunscreen. Avoid too much alcohol consumption. Exercise and eat right so that when you’re an old woman, you’ll still be active and great looking for your 50s and 60s!
Edit to add: get spare keys. Carry one but not in your purse. If you can lock your desk at work and it’s safe, hide one in a locked drawer. Had a friend once who didnt carry a spare. But if she had one at work, she could have gone home that night instead of staying at a friend’s with no change of clothes!
Get your education and don’t give any man wife privileges if he hasn’t made you his wife. That includes living together! I know young women not trying to hear that but FOR REAL y’all need to stop letting these men make you ‘prove’ you’re wife material. Including a test-run of living together
I can’t even fake, I did everything backwards myself and it worked out, but I’m pretty much the ONLY woman I know where it worked out. I’ve seen plenty of women get the short end in these situations, for nearly 30 years now. If you want to get married then just do that and skip playing house. If you don’t want to get married, cool then just stay dating and living apart. Otherwise you’ll be expected to do wife stuff without the legal protections and benefits.
Take care of your knees and your back. Never let resentments fester. Deal with them asap, this is good self care. Always have your own bank account.
Get an education and travel as much as you can before you settle down.
Usually people (men) tell us who they are and we set about fixing them. Women are not rehabilitation centers for toxic people.
Don’t get knocked up.
Don’t worry about grey hair or wrinkles. They give you character. At the same time take care of your skin.
And really, we don’t turn invisible. Some of us became more visible.
Be self sufficient! Depend on no one.
Do not marry what I call a baby-man. This is the guy willing to let you do everything because he has pretend incompetence. If he’s into too much gaming, or drugs, or alcohol, or gambling…he’ll take you down with him. If you have kids, they go down too and when they’re old enough, he’ll expect them to wait on him too. Have your own marketable skill set so you can always support yourself and your kids. Don’t pick a guy who wants you to quit school, or a good job, or work for him for free and he doesn’t have to pay into social security for you. For guys, don’t marry who you know is a bimbo. Marry someone with a proven track record and no crazy ex mates. Having a child is OK as long as you know the kid comes first and you’re fine with that. For both sexes don’t have sex with people you’d be ashamed to be in public with. In fact, remember sexual intercourse is one of the most hazardous experiences. This is serious baby making, STD forever, naked with a potential serial killer event.
When you go through hell, keep going.
Do not get into intimate relationships with people who drink too much or do drugs. It’s a tough life.
Signed: Daughter and step-daughter of alcoholics and ex wife of two alcoholics.
Start saving now! Financial independence is key to freedom that way you can take a man or leave them! You won’t be stuck for financial reasons , take care of your skin, body, mental health,
Be protective of your own body. Learn self defense and never let anyone convince you that you don’t need a condom. Fuck sob stories, look out for yourself.
Marry someone you love and respect and actually want to wake up with when you’re 85. Don’t marry just to have a wedding.
Learn how to be happy on your own. No one can take that away from you and it will keep you from jumping into a bad relationship just because you are lonely.
Pretty much everything that has been mentioned.
Also…. don’t get pregnant. Especially if you aren’t in an extremely committed, stable, grown up relationship- one in which there is healthy, mutual respect and you’re both employed with a healthy “power” balance. It’s not romantic or sexy or cool – it doesn’t trap or guarantee.
(1) When choosing a partner, make sure it is a true partnership. Both of you need to see each other as equals and actively seeking each other’s true happiness. Know your own value, but don’t forget how precious your partner is to you. Without this, you are better off alone.
(2) The best way to look your best is to take care of your health. Regular exercise, good nutrition, and a good skin moisturizer are your best anti-aging tools. We all want to look our best, but aging is inevitable, and there comes a day when you realize you aren’t young anymore. At that point, you can either spend all of your time and money on trying to hold onto your youth (which fools no one) or you can embrace the inner beauty, strength, and wisdom that comes with experience. A mature woman who still takes care of herself but knows that her worth is far deeper than her wrinkles and belly fat is truly beautiful.
(3) Start saving money when you’re young. Make it a habit, even if it’s only a few dollars every payday, and don’t touch it. Also, stay out of debt. If you can’t afford a purchase outright, wait until you can. Make compound interest work for you, not against you.
Really great advice on here. I would add, learn how to do things you would expect a man to do. Learn how to fix things and how to use basic tools. If something is broken, there is at least one, if not dozens of videos on you tube showing how to fix it. I’ve fixed my dishwasher and dryer. It’s very satisfying and money saving. My best fix was getting a plastic bottle stuck in the toilet curves by putting the toilet on its side and blowing the bottle out with a leaf blower. Purely creative thinking.
Put yourself first, always. Find out what YOU are all about and experience life before getting married.
Do all the things that you think that you don’t have time for or that you think you can get away with not doing. Using sunscreen, flossing, moisturizing and exercising & stretches. Not necessarily exercising for vanity but for stability, balance, and overall flexibility. I wish I had listened when I was younger. I’m in decent shape but it would have been better if I was consistent earlier in life.
Find your passion and make it your job. Don’t try to be like anyone else. Trust your intuition.
Stop caring so much about what other people think. Learn to be independent.
Mine is pretty shallow, but skin care for your neck is essential!
Where sunscreen, don’t overdo your hair and see a dentist regularly.
Wear sunscreen on your face, neck and hands. Don’t have a baby with an asshole. Make your own money.
Work hard and save your money! Never expect to be taken care of by a man. Look after yourself and remember that some day, you’ll be too old to work.
Make your own money and place in your own bank account and don’t rely on a partner to support you.
Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Get an education & a great job
Being single can be better than being part of a couple. Even long term.
Have, build your own career.
Never be reliant on a man for money
Same advice I have for young men – all that crap the movies/tv tell you are super important? They aren’t.
No amount of being popular or the right body shape or the right clothes or dating partner will ever feel as good as the self confidence and comfort of being and liking who you truly are.
Your people are out there. Find them. If you can’t find a group of them start adopting the stray ones you find in the wild and make a group out of them.
Also, don’t smoke, wear sunscreen/uva uvb protection sunglasses, and brush/floss your teeth everyday.
Your boyfriend is not going to change. Do NOT waste your time waiting for it to happen. People are on their best behavior at the beginning of the relationship – if anything, he’ll just get worse.
Always maintain an emergency stash of cash, take care of your teeth, and take men as they are since you can’t change them.
Don’t adopt large undomesticated predatory animals as pets unless there is nothing else in life you want to do.
Don’t be in a hurry to get married. Live alone for awhile.
First, gain self confidence in any way you can. People can sense insecurity a mile away, and will use you. Read every book written about abusive relationships. Get educated doing something you enjoy. Save money your whole life. Have good paying jobs. Don’t have children unless you’re 1000% sure, ,and even then, not to keep up with your friends. When you’re young, you may have to learn some of these things the hard way, which may ruin your mental health. If you depend on your good looks to get by, they will be gone soon enough, and you’ll have nothing.
Know your worth and demand respect.
Do not sacrifice your needs or comfort for the comfort of others. You’ll be tempted by thinking, well, I love them and they would do the same for me. No, they won’t. Anyone who would actually do the same for you, would never ask you to sacrifice yourself for them. You can still be kind and generous, but only do so from a place of abundance.
Don’t stay in a job, relationship, or anything else that turns you into someone you don’t want to be. If you end up hating what you’ve become in that situation, you have to leave.
Don’t waste your time w/ men who have zero capacity to love you.
There are 8 billion people on this planet. You don’t have to stay with the one who doesn’t treat you right.
Contribute as much as you can to a Roth IRA starting now!!!
Never let any romantic partner treat you as “less than”.
Use birth control and a backup method – no pregnancy until you are ready
It’s never too late to take up a new hobby, degree, or even a career.
Not everyone is going to like you and there not anything you can do about that. So don’t try. Be kind and thoughtful but be yourself.
Get an education. Be able to walk if you have too. Support any children you may have. Eat healthy, exercise regularly.
Skin care!
Don’t settle when it comes to a life time partner. Do all the health care preventative stuff that they tell you to and make sure you love who you are before you share your life with someone for life – spouses can’t fix you
Stop chasing men. Don’t beg them to talk about the relationship and send them texts. If a guy likes you, he will call or text you. Keep your own interests and friends and leave a little mystery about yourself.
Never allow yourself to become dependent on another person. Not a partner, parents, or anyone else.
Then, do all you can to maintain your independence for as long as possible-well into your senior years. Meaning, take excellent care of your physical body, protect your mind and mental health. Prepare financially and protect your assets.
Be smart. Learn all you can, never stop education, whether formally or independently.
The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. Build it strong and nurture it throughout your life.
Be mindful of stress. Avoid unnecessary stressors.
Build deep, strong friendships. Let the shallow ones fall away.
You’ve got a lot of good comments here. Take some from all of us and be kind. Be kind to everyone, especially yourself.
Ask a few questions of your potential partners, gauge their attitudes toward addiction, gambling, violence, finances. Listen to their opinion on their friends relationship breakups. LOOK AT HOW THEY TREAT THE WOMEN IN THEIR FAMILY. Look at that family’s standards and norms, they will be your norms soon enough.
Make your own money, maintain your job skills one way or the other, keep separate bank accounts. Keep some money secret if you’re married. Just in case
Don’t be afraid to leave a bad relationship. Staying too long can really hurt you mentally emotionally and physically.
The first time your significant other yells at you , belittles you, puts their hands on you in a non.playful way, run don’t walk. Always , always have a plan b
Enjoy every moment. Start yoga asap. Wear the sunscreen. Everything in moderation. Treat yo self.
Know your worth!!
Women spend so much of their youth finding their value in the eyes of men and forget what they, women, bring to the table.
We start becoming what men want us to be too soon. Know your worth! Know that you are smart, or funny, or athletic, or creative, or whatever and never, ever let that be minimized. The first time he tries to belittle you or your accomplishments is the last time. Know. Your. Worth.
There’s more to life than being a mother and a wife. Focus on yourself and your career.
Lift weights
Drink lots of water
Wear sunscreen religiously all the way down your neck to your boobs, and on your arms and hands too
Don’t have kids if you don’t want them
Don’t ever let a man treat you with disrespect. It’s wrong.
When you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. Listen to your gut!
Don’t waste time looking to be in a relationship or chasing someone. Spend your 20s figuring out yourself – what do you love to do for fun, what are you good at professionally and what about yourself is holding you back? Really learn to love yourself.
Don’t drink so much. I know it’s a thing but .. it’s not good for you and you will probably do stuff you wish you hadn’t. Spend more time at the gym, cultivating strong relationships with people, and finding people who share your interests.
The partnership will (or won’t) come, but don’t wait for it to begin your life.
Save your money… Never settle….WE teach people how to treat us…. Travel in your 20s…. Volunteer … Smile all the b time- people will wonder what you are up to!
You will NOT EVER regret leaving a toxic relationship! I promise!
As soon as you figure out someone you’re dating or married to is toxic, abusive, narcissistic…LEAVE.
No man or woman is worth giving up your soul.
Do not shrink yourself because you think it will make someone love you. The RIGHT man will love you for your strength, your intelligence and your independence.
Practice becoming the partner you wish to have. Be authentic in everything you do, and don’t let anyone tell you that you are unlovable or unworthy. Anyone that will tell you that is projecting their feelings about themselves upon you
Slow down enough to think things thru. Evaluate all your relationships and take care of the good ones. Really look at your priorities and make a plan to get there.
Don’t get married. And if you do have a prenup- always. Half of marriages end in divorce and plenty of unhappy people stay married due to finances. People change over years and decades – don’t think your marriage is any different than any other- they all start with people assuming it’s forever.
Value yourself enough to not put up with nonsense from anyone
Keep exercising! Lift weights, walking, bowflex… and ALWAYS wear sunscreen on your face! Your older self will thank you.
Take care of your back. When it goes, your screwed.
Don’t waste your time with men that are not keepers.
Birth control until your ready.
Maintain a modicum of independence, don’t depend on a man fully.
Love it not a fairy tale. It’s hard work, but worth it when its your person.
Don’t sacrifice for others. Take care of what you want. You have one life and it’s yours!
Live for yourself.
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Take care of your money.
Find ways to he successful without man. Don’t spend your life looking for rich man. Instead be the rich woman. Build strong career, be ready to learn and take new challenges
Make sure that you have your own house, car, money. Don’t allow yourself to be put in a position where you depend on someone else’s support to stay afloat.
Don’t settle for the wrong relationship just because you feel like you’re on a timeline. Also piggybacking off of that – this is very important – PLEASE be picky with whom you decide to have children with.
Date and fall in love with yourself. I got tired of dating and started taking myself out to dinner and a movie, etc. Once you love yourself, you can accomplish anything.
Make a soundtrack of your life with your favorite tracks. I find that singing before an interview or something difficult relieves part of the anxiety and nervousness.
Music also gives your brain the same levels of oxyticin as narcotic drugs and makes you feel happier.But then again I’m a junkie for music anyway. I believe it’s the glue of the world. The one thing that can bring us all back together.
Make sure you have your own money. Don’t ever depend on a guy to be your financial source. If you do, you’ll be sorry when you get into your 40’s (or sooner) and realize you should have had something you could have fallen back on to take care of yourself. Of course this is not how everyone’s life will be but if you want confidence in yourself and security later in life, you’ll do just this.
Never comingle your money with a boyfriend/husband/spouse and never change your name on your social security card.
Know your worth and don’t give people discounts.
No one is coming to save you. Save yourself.
Don’t be a doormat. Learn to assert yourself in a way that sets clear boundaries. Work hard, do your best.
Find away to be financially independent and always be prepared to leave if your needs aren’t being met. If a man has the ability to feed you he has the ability to starve you. Have your own means to support you.
Remember -if everybody likes you you are doing something wrong. It’s okay to not be everybody’s cup of tea. And It’s not just okay, it’s actually important to not be all things and in alignment with all people. It is okay to respectfully disagree. Having independent thoughts and opinions is a wonderful thing!
Don’t get into whatever this choking sex thing that I see when I’m watching porn. What the hell! It may have been a niche thing years ago that some people done but it’s been made so mainstream now it almost looks like it’s a natural part of sex. Fuck that!
Develop your self as an independent person who can take care of yourself.
Don’t pin your expectations on another person. If you put off something you want because you are waiting for the “perfect” whatever (time, person, paycheck), you don’t want it enough.
I mean grad school, traveling, getting a dog, buying a house, even having a kid, you absolutely do not have to wait for the perfect school, time, or person. You are a fully separate human being, separate from family and friends and love interests. Your own personal decision has value. But once you commit to the dog, the school, the house, the trip, the kid, do it well. Honor yourself by being who you expect YOURSELF to be. And finish what you start.
Enjoy all the parts, the hard parts, the easy parts, the challenging but rewarding, the beauty and the sorrows. Earn every birth stretch mark, hike sprained ankle, broken heart, and have good learning from gaining these marks of life and make good choices going forward that help you enjoy living.
And when you do fall in love, let it happen, and enjoy it, and if it ends, end it and grieve it. And stand up and move on.
We are built to experience things with many senses. We move through life feeling and learning and growing and knowing. May you thrive.
Follow your favorite dream before you follow a man.
Ignore men. I’m 46 and I’ve got what, 40 years left and I’ve NO INTEREST in men. They suddenly seem like a huge waste of energy. Have kids and live in a group environment with WOMEN. If I could tell my young self it’d be this: compromise nothing for a man.
Don’t let any man tell you twice he don’t want you! – my wise mama
When someone shows you who they are, believe them… the first time! – our wise Maya
Moisturize your face and neck daily. Always wear sunscreen. Start a savings account, even if you only put i. $10 at a time. Start one asap.
Take time to enjoy being young. Take time with your parents and siblings. They won’t be with us as long as we think.
Sleeping with him will not make him like you more.
So basic yet so misunderstood.
Never co-sign on a loan, especially for a significant other.
Don’t jump from one relationship straight into another. Spend time alone and learn to love yourself first.
My wee granny (may she rest in peace) once told me ‘Never be beholden to a man!’ And that had stuck with me!
Basically never be financially dependent on someone else!
Also – social media is not real life!
Don’t let men run your life
Start saving for retirement now.
Someday you will look back at a picture of yourself at this age and say, wow I looked great. So stop looking at yourself right now and picking all the insignificant things you think aren’t perfect.