I can’t hold this in anymore. I’m (30f) leaving my partner (39m). He’s been sneaky for so much of our relationship, he’s been mentally and physically abusive. He puts me down and I just can’t do it anymore. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and I can’t have her around him. He’s never done anything to her. In fact, he’s great with her. He’s never hurt me or treated me bad in front of her. It’s only when she’s with her dad. I’m not subjecting myself to this anymore. I’m saving into a separate account. Id leave now but I have no where to go. I have to get all new furniture, appliances, dish ware and silverware. I’m about to buy a small storage facility to store things as I slowly get to a financial position to leave. I’m a bartender so the money fluctuates. I’ve tried to apply for loans but due to my job, I can’t get one. I’m just desperate to get out. No one knows I’m planning on leaving. Not a soul except for the people who are reading this. If anyone can offer advice, help or suggestions to get out faster, please let me know.
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First thing is, don’t leave while he’s home, don’t leave during a fight or anything like that, leaving is most dangerous point in an abusive relationship where most women are killed. If you can get into a DV shelter do that, it will kinda suck but you can stay for free and save up and get a million resources from them to get back on your feet, lots of churches and other programs help with getting furniture and appliances etc. check free pages on Facebook too.
Good for you. You’re doing the right thing. Go and get stuff from a thrift store. Go and ask women’s shelters or charities if they can help. Accelerate the process.
Contact your local DV organizations and non profits. They will be able to help you get set up and advise you on how to leave safely.
If the separation from your daughter’s father was amicable, maybe see if you can sleep on his couch for a few days. Also reach out to local ‘motercyclists against abuse’ (don’t know what they’re actually called, to help get your stuff out
Your idea to rent a storage place is excellent. As soon as you have it, you can start moving out the small things that he won’t notice. Make sure to have all your important documents together so that you can grab them when leaving. If you have a car, you can store them there. You can get clothes out by saying that you’re getting rid of them.
I had a friend that made arrangements for a moving truck. As soon as her abusive husband left for work, the movers came and she was out.
Unfortunately, you’re not the first to have to make a stealthy move and you won’t be the last. By planning ahead hopefully you won’t need all of the luck that I am sending your way.
and after leaving no matter what he says about getting back together, please DO NOT FALL INTO THAT TRAP. there is no guarantee he won’t do it again
Be strong OP❤️
That’s awesome! You are doing the right thing. Saving into your own account is a great start. Getting a storage is too. Make sure bills from there don’t go to your house. You can find all kinds of stuff at second hand stores, even on the side of the road. Garage sales are good too. I’m a big clearance shopper, I find all kinds of things on clearance. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Be patient, you will be out before you know it.
When you get your new place, you can get furniture and dishes pretty recently at Goodwill or thrift store go through and see what you like and what you want to buy. You don’t have to drop a small fortune buying all new stuff as I said when you go to the Goodwill or the thrift store just buy the basics pots pans silverware plates whatever you need. And good for you find me. I need to leave an abusive relationship if it is as bad as you said it is do not pull the trigger until you have everything lined up as in a place to go to
I do not know if you can ask family or friends to help you move, but that’s another idea and I’m sorry that you were going to this with him. No one deserves it. Good luck.