UPDATE: Thank you all. Based on a majority of the responses, I reached out to the host, kept it simple and noted that whether it be a budget or personality issue, I did not want to be involved but in case it was an oversight (because it happens to all of us), I simply wanted to let them know. They were very thankful and a bit embarrassed because…it was an oversight. Happy to say I think it will all work out.
And, to the responders who mentioned inclusion and community, thank you. As soon as I read those comments it hit home in so many ways. It’ll be so nice to be together, continuing the hard work their teachers have put in to make sure everyone is included and participating in their community.
Original Post:
I know this is tale as old as time, I am just struggling. My kid was invited to a party. I thought the whole class (20 kids) was invited and mentioned the party to another class parent. It turns out that other parent’s kid was not invited (and is the only kid not invited). I don’t know the parenting hosting the party all that well but I imagine it is an oversight. Do I just stay out of the whole thing or do I mention it to the parent hosting the party? I really don’t want to get involved so I would prefer not to bring it up with the host parent and just let it happen as is. But I also feel for the kid who is left out (who will certainly hear about the party in school).
Comments
Thank you u/AwesomeBlossom000 for posting on r/AskParents. All post titles must be in the form of a question.
Posts that do not conform to the subreddit rules are subject to removal at the discretion of a moderator.
Remember to read the rules and report rule breaking posts.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If you truly think it’s an oversight, I would maybe say, “Hey I’m so sorry, I mentioned the party to x parent bc I thought the whole class was invited. I just wanted to let you know.” Or, “Hey, I had heard the whole class was invited, but I just spoke to x parent, and she never received an invite, so I think you forgot to invite her.” I know from recent experience that mistakes do happen, and luckily the situation was caught and fixed because sometimes brought it up before the party, so no hard feelings.
Just tell the host that you didn’t mean to cause an issue, but you mentioned the party to "whomever". Now the host can adjust if needed. It’s possible the kid omitted the one child.
Is that kid a bully to the hosts kid though? There might be a perfectly reasonable explanation. There was a post on reddit a few weeks ago wondering if they should invite the one kid in class even though they make birthday kid uncomfortable..
Stay out of it. It’s none of your concern
Honestly I would say. I did this by accident and felt so bad after the party when I found out.
My son and a new boy in the class were the only ones left out of the WHOLE class. Then the following Monday the teacher asked THE WHOLE class who was invited to the party?!?! I was in the class when it happened! Her “ reasoning” was the two left out should be “ happy” for the others. BS! She never was a mom although she wanted them . Apparently the mom was trying to make her son popular. Not successfully though.
I volunteered in her class and WORKED MY BUTT OFF. Not after that ! I spent the rest of the year doing the minimum and “ observing “ her.
Fast forward to JH. The birthday boy was being shunned by EVERYONE in their grade. It was MY son who stood up for him!!!!
Another way is if 1) invitations were given out at school an2) like all the schools my kids have been in and I have worked in, if you are having a birthday or other party and handing out invitations or sending to a class , either everyone in the class or all girls or boys must be invited. You may just bring it up to the teacher. He or she may know either why or can casually bring it up to the hosting parent or just send an overall reminder to parents.
Just from experience, there was one time my 1st grade son got an invitation but because the inviting kid teased him he threw the invitation away. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t tell us and my husband worked with a couple of the other kids dads who told him about the pizza party. My husband called the parent to ask why our son was not invited. The mother said the whole class should have gotten invitations because she gave them to the teach to hand out.
A classroom is a community and things like this make the community fracture. If you truly think it was an oversight, there’s no harm in just checking with the birthday parent to make sure.
Best case scenario, they accidentally left off a friend and they can fix that invite quickly.
Worst case scenario, the purposefully left off one child out of twenty, and so now you know what kind of family they are.
This happened to my daughter. Turned out to totally be an accident. Apparently Mom gave the teacher the invites and somehow left out my daughter.
Maybe start with the teacher in case they are the ones who passed them out in cubbies?
The local elementary school has a policy that all birthday invitations must either be given out to ALL classmates or they must be given out off school property.
Id tell the parent you talked to them because you didn’t realize the kid wasn’t invited. Could just be an oversight. My school sends the invites home in folders so if her kid was absent the day they were sent out he would miss the invite.
Tell the host.
Stay out of the whole thing
100% tell/ask the aparents.
To put it brutally honest, this kids feelings of being left out and the possible impact on this kids life are more important than your temporary feeling of discomfort.
So I would say just do it. Maybe it is an oversight and if not, maybe ask their teacher about it.
It’s likely an oversight and happens all the time. Class lists aren’t always up to date and as a busy parent trying to plan a party, it’s easy to miss things. I’d raise it with the host but do it in a way that is "hey I noticed…" as opposed to coming across judgemental "why didn’t you invite…".
P.S: good on you for looking out for others and pushing for inclusion 😃
Maybe the kid did not give the invite to their Mom because they did not want to go?