This is one of those situations that I couldn’t fathom happening, but I always knew they were toxic people. You just hope they would be reasonable and have empathy, you know? Silly me.
Bit of background… My ex husband and I divorced because of his addiction/mental health issues. We had a young toddler at the time. I got sole custody. He moved in with his parents and got supervised visitation with his parents supervising once a week.
He ended up overdosing end of last year and I have been going to visit them every 3 or so weeks. I hate going but I did it to keep the relationship for my child. I think that amount of visits is reasonable and honestly it’s the most I can handle. I want to build the rest of my life and move on from the trauma of these past years.
Every visit turned into them pushing for more visits. EX FIL is a controlling old man. He’d text me asking when we’d come over and they’d have other family members over ask me when we’re coming over. They’d follow me out to my car when we’re trying to leave and hover while I’m trying to safely buckle DD into her seat. There was an increasing amount of manipulative tactics and intimidation that I wanted to set boundaries to get control back. Whenever he texted or asked in person, I’d tell them I’d let them know when we’re available. Pretty simple boundary — don’t ask me, I’ll tell you.
I could tell this was upsetting him and the next time I offered to come over, EX FIL, EX BIL, and EX MIL all pushed me to drop her off so MIL could spend the day with her. I’m not comfortable with that at all. They don’t have much of a history of having her alone. Mostly a handful of times so it’s not something that happens regularly. But after enabling history and poor judgement leaving my ex alone with DD while they were supposed to be supervisors, I don’t trust them.
After there was a group effort to push, I told EXFIL that I would be present for visits so that week would no work and I’d reach out when we’re available to visit again.
That didn’t go over well and he texted my mom demanding that I explain what had changed and what was going on. He then threatened her that he’d seek legal counsel if I don’t explain myself.
I’ve been NC since he sent that text ( and instructed my parents to do the same). I haven’t been engaging with any of his tactics but that was a major line to cross and I’m pissed. You don’t flippantly threaten to sue me because you don’t get your way. I immediately consulted with an attorney and I’m calling their bluff and staying NC. If they filed, I have a whole history of their manipulative ways and why visits with them aren’t in my child’s best interest. We’re in Ohio and unfortunately because my ex died they have an in to file.
All it took was a month of not allowing them to bully me and they couldn’t stand it. I can’t believe they would stoop to harassment and threatening to force their will. If I can help it, I never want to see them again.
Grandparents rights are absurd and a weapon for abusers to use the courts for harassment.
Anyone else dealing with this? My attorney said these cases are rare so every situation is different.