One of the most horrifying experiences I had recently was when I wrote on my local radio station’s discussion section about how I had a hard time finding people who liked the same kind of music I do, and the response was “well just stay here; we’re here every day!” And by “here”, they meant in this digital space, where our only communication with each other was typing words on our screens to one another. But not actually spending time together. They honestly thought that this was actually what I needed and what I was hoping to find.
Online communities, online “friends”, online GIRLFRIENDS and online BOYFRIENDS where you are dating each other? I’m sorry, but unless you are actually physically spending time with each other in real life, you are NOT dating and you are not a “couple”. If your only interaction with the other person is typing words at the person, that’s a pen pal. If you “voice chat”, which is just a fancy new term for talking to someone over the phone, that’s essentially just the same as phone sex at best and not all that more meaningful. Spend actual time with actual people and then I’ll consider it real.
It just bothers me so much that online spaces are where we seek out connections these days. People think of connections on Discord as their “friends”. It’s sad, in my opinion. Is it really better than nothing? I would argue no, since the complacency of calling these cheap connections “friendships” restricts you from actually putting yourself out there and making REAL connections. Online connections enable people to keep so much distance from each other and that makes people a lot more stressed, anxious, and depressed, and I think it needs to stop. But what really needs to stop is people thinking that their online connections with people actually fucking mean anything. Meet the person in real life, spend actual time with them, on planet earth, in the physical realm, and then it will actually count and actually do something for you. Don’t settle for less than that.
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For some maybe, but for others it works.
Some people are so desperate for social connection that they know they are being duped but they don’t care.
Yeah but isn’t real human connection just a cheap substitute for connecting with yourself?
As someone with both online and offline friends, this is super weird take, man.
I have both fulfilling online and offline connections. If they’re not for you, then just don’t connect online. You don’t have any rights to say what other people should do.
I met the person who would become my best friend online during the pandemic. We now text every day, talk on the phone a few times a week, and despite living on opposite sides of the continent, travel to see each other 2-3 times a year. They even showed up at my house for a surprise visit for my birthday last year.
Many of my best friends who are some of the best people I’ve ever known live in other places so we mostly talk and hang out online. Sure, occasionally we have the chance to meet up, but it’s rare and one of them doesn’t even live in my continent so I’ve never seen her in person.
That does not cheapen our friendship. We voice chat and play games together frequently. It’s not uncommon to watch a show or movie together. It’s not just words over the internet. These people have been incredibly supportive of me when I’ve needed it and I try to be for them as well.
These connections are the furthest you can get from cheap or fake. We do activities together we would be doing irl anyway. The fact that I couldn’t pinch them while doing it doesn’t change anything.
Hi! I have a super depressive issue and my friends that are nearby have a different schedule than those I have online.
I assure you; as someone WITH severe stress, anxiety, depression and more.. the “company” of my online friends do WONDERS to keep my mind away from the doom spiral of it all. And to me; that’s a very real, and very important to me.
This is an oddly specific take. Are you okay man? I mean, seriously. I really understand you’re frustrated but this doesn’t seem like an unpopular opinion. Seems like
r/rant would appreciate your post. But this isn’t the place for whatever weird take you have
What’s wrong? Don’t you want to live in the pods and eat ze bugz?
I would say the only gripe I have with your post is that you don’t define this for yourself, you go out of your way to decide that other people who are in these types of connections are “fake” and it’s “not real”. Maybe for some people they are real, and for you they just don’t work.
Good job on the unpopular opinion though
My 2 best friends of over a decade are people i met online. We spent years living at opposite sides of the country and talking every day. Now, we live 30 minutes apart and talk every day in person. Real connections are made between people all the time online.
I’ll upvote this bad take.
Before 2020, i would have wrongly agreed with you.
But now I have 1 really good online friend whom I connected with online during covid.
This online connection is very real. We keep in touch every week as we have very similar interests and attitudes towards life.
We have also met up a couple of times IRL and had fun. However, if we had never met up, that wouldn’t change our friendship.
Just cause it’s fake in your experience, doesn’t mean it is for others
Not sure this is unpopular.
Maybe you forgot that the people you talk with online are real people who actually exist, not bots lol. You can still share interests with them and count on them for emotional support and joke with them etc just like you would do with irl friends. Sure, it would be more fun to actually hang out, but there’s absolutely nothing that prevents an online friendship from being meaningful and deep
Yeah, online relationships have their limits and they don’t fully replace in-person interactions… but they can still be genuine and meaningful. Of course it’s amazing if the relationships that start virtually can move off-screen and evolve in the real-world.
This is a popular opinion for most people lol. A minority of people have long term online friends or would prioritize online friends over IRL interactions.
I personally have online friends I’ve known for 10+ years. We chat daily, moreso than with anyone I know IRL, and we have a ton in common. I have personally found that I forge deeper connection with people online than in person, because it’s easier to meet people with the same hobbies, interests, and views as you on the net. Especially so if you live in a small town. I live in a small town with small-minded people, and people I’ve met online are smarter, more open-minded, and more willing to talk about shit besides the weather and whose baby daddy did what. I have friends from Europe, Asia, and South America, who are all so fascinating and many of whom I have later met in person while travelling. Beats my IRL options by a mile.
My fiancé and I met online and were long distance for a few years before moving to be together. We used to keep a video call on pretty much 24/7 (different time zones, so I would sleep during his day time and he would sleep during mine, and we would still keep the call on even when the other person was asleep). We developed such a strong bond during those times when we were long distance, it was literally how we fell in love.
Our online relationship meant enough that he moved across the world and asked me to be his wife.
As someone who’s now had absolutely no offline friends for about 2 years now, used to VC and play games with the old friend group before I moved for a year, then left everyone for a year, then came back to just 1 irl friend (of course also online) and an exclusively online discord server of people idk irl, I absolutely agree with you.
The 1 year I spent after leaving everyone, I could not figure out why my brain made me do it. I came up with countless rationalisations, but never landing on one when asked. But one of the prominent rationalisations was…that I was sick of not having a genuine human connection, which is something I already struggle with and avoid irl, yet still crave. Having an online space of real and unknown friends was keeping me comfortable yet unfulfilled. It literally felt like my brain took over and executed a complex action to force me to make real connections. Of course, I myself did not follow through, and spent the year doing absolutely nothing, and very soon dropping the little (well it felt like a lot) that I WAS doing (freelance)…
I only keep major contact with the 1 real friend, and with the discord server because it’s the one I’ve been in longest and feels different, but I often uninstall the app for days to restrict myself, idk why, I feel like I have to, or I want to, or something.
Someone else I know who was very social but due to circumstance, has exclusively online friends now says otherwise (or at least something in the middle). In his experience, he has good, genuine connections online, but still confidently admits irl is better.
Perhaps it’s about how much one struggles with/is hesitant with connection, the more you are, the harder it becomes both online and offline. Online may get categorised as “fake” if it’s too hard.
If your irl friendship relies on being able to meet each other in person but the moment you have to move the stop inviting you or rarely talk to you that irl friendship was just as fake as the online one.
You do realize that some people who connect online live in entirely different countries, right? Not everyone can afford to fly to another country just to meet their online friend in real life.
Also, how does meeting someone in person change anything? There are plenty of hobbies that can be shared online. For example, according to you, playing video games together online isn’t a real connection, but if you met with that person and played the same game with them in person, it’s completely different and somehow more “real?” That doesn’t make any logical sense.
This is indeed an unpopular opinion
You know you posted this on an online discussion board right?
What are you hoping to get from this?
My online friend in norway has helped me pay rent, gave me money when I had to put my cat down, and was in call all night with me when I was thinking of ending it all. You can shove it.
I’m going to my friends wedding this summer as a groomsman. We’ve played COD for 6-7 years and only meet up twice a year over the last few years since we’re in different states.
So get fucked
Sometimes I think smartphones are making us less connected