So my fiance’s mother does not like me – really, she loathes me – and now by extension both of his sisters and his dad feel much the same. I am accused of writing any messages to them, of not letting him see them (he is fully insured on my car after telling his mum he didn’t want her to insure one for him anymore – UK and we’re both 34) of being a narcissist and i don’t know what else.
I have a 4 year old son from a previous marriage who loves his dad and my partner, we all get on even the ex in laws. When my fiance and I got engaged his dad said he wouldn’t be celebrating and when my partner tried to suggest a family meal his mum said she didn’t want people shoved down her throat. Which i feel is such an overreaction and odd response? Hate me sure but my parents, child and sister you haven’t met?
For background, we had an unexpected pregnancy early on (again mid 30s, i switched contraception and had a fuck up, he knew) that resulted in a loss (my history will show my losses with my ex husband!) and I was accused of trapping, lying, narcissism, manipulation etc when in reality, i had a miscarriage and decided after a crap end to a marriage with lies i wanted to try and trust someone.
I want to know am i unreasonable for now being like no, door is shut? Hate me sure, but calling a civil family dinner shoving people down your throat feels extreme especially when she bullies my partner to see them. She accuses me continually of not letting him while ignoring he doesn’t want to because shiny spine, strong boundaries and extreme upset?
I don’t even get referred to by name, always she and her, I’m accused of writing his messages which at times are very harsh but I don’t even proof them. I try to support his hard boy boundaries but at this rate they won’t come to the wedding and it will always be my fault.
Any advice please x
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They don’t want to see you.
So don’t see them.
Twice you write, Hate me, sure, but… . I invite you to think that just them hating you is plenty of reason to remove them from your life as much as possible.
Yes, it will always be your fault – TO THEM. But they don’t matter. They can’t matter, if you are to live a life of peace.
You got this.