My bf (29m) and I (27f) of almost 3 years moved from the West Coast to the SW last September for him to pursue a job opportunity. 6mo later the job fell through in a really fucked up way and he’s been depressed and wanting to move back near his family in the Midwest. It’s really triggering for him to be here.
Since we moved here last September I’ve enrolled in school, got two really fulfilling jobs, and am pursuing my passions in music. I’m in two bands and making music with local producers here. I have never been this fulfilled in my life. (Before we moved I was unemployed and manically depressed for 10 months, longest time in my life).
I do not want to move away. We agreed I would stay here for my first school year (10 months) while he moves back to his hometown, and then 2026-2027 school year I’ll transfer to the college near him. That’s our plan right now. But I don’t love it. I don’t like thinking about moving away, I’m more comfortable with the idea of us living apart for 10 months than the idea of leaving the life I built for myself. (My bf has been a huge contributing factor to my success and getting healthier).
It feels like life is pulling us apart. I guess for the next 10 months I’ll be able to keep living as I want to but after that I agreed to move in with him. I feel like I don’t have any other choice because I don’t want to break up. But I don’t want to move either!
All my friends and family who I’ve told about my decision to stay have been really positive and said it’s good for me. My sister was so relieved when I told her. She thinks I won’t like the Midwest. But it’s not about that, I will actually, his family lives next to the Ozark Mountains, it’s just that that’s not my life. I’m in school and working to pursue my passions and I don’t want to leave it im not ready to start over all over again.
My bf originally took the news of me wanting to stay really really bad we were discussing it back and forth for days now a couple weeks. His reaction made me scared, cause he called me selfish and was hurt that I’m willing to spend so much time apart. That scares me because it makes me feel like he doesn’t care about the fulfillment I’m getting from this and he just wants me to follow him. He said, “Just restart in hometown, there’s schools and jobs and studios there.” I don’t think that’s fair like I’m not gonna transfer schools every time he decides he wants to move. I know this decision for him to move back to the Midwest isn’t just a frivolous “fuck it” decision he’s thought about it and this is what he wants. I’ve thought about it and staying is what I want.
It feels like life is pulling us apart. I’m not sure what type of advice I’m looking for. Right now the plan is we’re both moving out of our apartment next month, he’s going to his hometown and I’m moving closer to my campus. Then in 10 months I’ll move to his hometown with him.
I hope in 10 months I’m more keen on the plan. But idk if I will be. It hurts my heart to not know what the future holds, especially when I planned out the next 5 years (that’s how long it’ll take to finish my double major), and now I have no idea who will be in my life and what it will look like in 10 months. That’s so scary.
It feels like I’m just following him around the country and he’s upset that I don’t want to do that. Neither of us want to break up at all. He wishes I would move to the Midwest and I wish he would stay here and move closer to my campus with me.
LISTEN UP I am NOT looking for advice to just break up with him. Despite all the things I described in this post he has been supportive and helping me find apartments and packing. PLEASE don’t make this about whether he’s “right” for me or not, he’s the reason I’m this far in life. We’re just in a really shitty position.
If you really want to give the advice to break up let it be based on where we’re at in our lives and not his reaction to me wanting to stay.
Thank you in advance for reading this. It felt good to type it all out.
TL;DR
My bf of 3 years is moving back to his hometown and I’m staying here, I agreed to move in with him after the school year ends but I actually don’t want to. I want to stay together but I don’t want to leave my life here. Have yall ever been through this? What happened with your relationship?