I’m conflicted on what to do, and what what better way to get opinions than here.
I (23F) was recently invited to my high school best friend’s (23F) bachelorette party. I was really excited to get the invite as I haven’t been super involved with planning and things like that.
Some good background information would be that I was a little upset not being asked to be in her wedding party, as we talked about it when we graduated up until she was engaged. After that, the conversation stopped about being in her wedding party. The wedding is in October of this year, and I was anxiously awaiting for her to ask me. I never got asked and I know deep deep down I’m a little upset about it.
I got the text from her sister telling me I was invited and I responded saying I would check dates but count me in for now, for the financial and head count aspect. When I did get the response, two days later, I was flabbergasted by the price of everything.
In total the weekend would be $475 per person. Now that wouldn’t be outrageous if it was even out of my state, but it’s only an hour away. As far as I know it doesn’t include food, drink, outfits, or decor for the party. It is only including the house we’re staying in and the party bus.
My average paycheck is $540 so this would be quite the expense given it is only two months away. I’m not sure about everyone else going, but I’m still intro to my career and I’m not making enough to cover that on a whim.
Now, the part I’m conflicted about is who do I talk to about it? I’m very close with her mom and her, but her sister (I’ve known since I was 12) I’m not as close with as I thought. I’m getting dinner with the bride next week, and she seems to know about what is happening, and thought I might bring it up to her. I could also talk to her mom or sister, but I don’t think they’ll understand how much I want to go, but can’t afford it.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I’m conflicted on what to do, and what what better way to get opinions than here.
I (23F) was recently invited to my high school best friend’s (23F) bachelorette party. I was really excited to get the invite as I haven’t been super involved with planning and things like that.
Some good background information would be that I was a little upset not being asked to be in her wedding party, as we talked about it when we graduated up until she was engaged. After that, the conversation stopped about being in her wedding party. The wedding is in October of this year, and I was anxiously awaiting for her to ask me. I never got asked and I know deep deep down I’m a little upset about it.
I got the text from her sister telling me I was invited and I responded saying I would check dates but count me in for now, for the financial and head count aspect. When I did get the response, two days later, I was flabbergasted by the price of everything.
In total the weekend would be $475 per person. Now that wouldn’t be outrageous if it was even out of my state, but it’s only an hour away. As far as I know it doesn’t include food, drink, outfits, or decor for the party. It is only including the house we’re staying in and the party bus.
My average paycheck is $540 so this would be quite the expense given it is only two months away. I’m not sure about everyone else going, but I’m still intro to my career and I’m not making enough to cover that on a whim.
Now, the part I’m conflicted about is who do I talk to about it? I’m very close with her mom and her, but her sister (I’ve known since I was 12) I’m not as close with as I thought. I’m getting dinner with the bride next week, and she seems to know about what is happening, and thought I might bring it up to her. I could also talk to her mom or sister, but I don’t think they’ll understand how much I want to go, but can’t afford it.
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Tell them that you will be unable to make it. Tell them you realize it is more than you budget for right now. And you’d love to be there, and you hope they have a great time, and you can’t wait for the wedding.
— I don’t know that this is necessarily an overpriced bachelorette trip. Personally, I think expecting your friends to take you away for a fancy weekend and pay for you to have a nice time is unreasonable. But: it seems to be something a lot of people do, and I would definitely expect it to add up.
And I hate to say it: but you are lucky that they did not ask you to be a bridesmaid. It is ridiculous That being a bridesmaid means funding a sizable chunk of the brides experience. But that’s what it is, and you could not have afforded it.
Good luck…
You are not obliged in any way. And if you don’t earn that much, you don’t want the commitment of being a bridesmaid if she’s not respectful of people’s finances for a bachelorette party.
Just let her know you can’t commit to the expense and let it go. People make too much of a to-do over weddings and write cheques they can’t cash over it, and expect the people around them to splash out reality TV-style to make it all happen for the ‘gram. Don’t buy in.
You should confirm what it does include. If it includes food and any activities, $475 wouldn’t actually be terrible depending on where you live/are going. Is it 2 nights? Again, there are tons of factors here.
Depending on whether you’re in NYC vs. Alabama, for example, that amount is going to elicit different reactions. Where are you? An hour from NYC that may be reasonable, but somewhere in the middle of Alabama for $475 you could rent a mansion.
If you are making $540 a pay, you can’t afford to do anything with anyone. Obviously that will end up eventually costing you almost 2 pay checks. I don’t care if that is your Siamese twin, you are going to need to take a rain check for a while.
You don’t have any money. Tell the truth and don’t go.
Don’t make excuses, just tell the bride you’re sorry you can’t attend because you simply can’t afford to go.
I think you got invited so the price per person will be lower. Sorry. You aren’t in the bridal party. Isn’t that who goes on these Bachelorette parties? Idk bc I’m old and we didn’t do that when I got married – just a night out. Plus, you’ve hardly talked to the bride.i wouldn’t go. You really can’t afford it.
I wouldn’t mention to the mom or sister that you aren’t joining because of the cost. Just tell them that it turns out you aren’t able to make it. Prior commitment (to paying your own bills). I’m not sure about what to say to the bride.
Aren’t you glad you weren’t asked to be in the bridal party, now?
So, you’re not in the wedding party, but you’re invited to the bachelorette party? I might be missing something here (as I’m not married and have never been part of this process) but I thought the MOH and other people part of the bridal party were only the ones to be part of the bachelorette festivities? If I’m right and this is the case, it sounds like other people dropped out and you’re getting a “pity” invite. And that’s said with all respect in the world to YOU, because something is off here- especially because it was her SISTER that reached out to you with the invite and not even your “friend” from HS that was getting married, who you thought you’d get the invite from.
I have literally never paid a dime to be at any of my friends’ fancy weddings. If they can have a fancy wedding, they can afford it. And when I got married, I found the cheapest dresses I could for my bridesmaids and paid for their rooms, plane tickets, food, etc.
“Thank you so much for the invite. I’ve checked the dates, and unfortunately I unable to make it. I’m sure you’ll all have a great time celebrating Larla.”
Just send regrets. No need to explain.
YOU were chosen to help pay for the over priced trip. Seems more like they are using you to split cost. You have to be honest and tell them as much as you would love to go, it is WAY out of your budget. Be thankful you are not a bridesmaid, you would have all those expenses plus the bachelorette party.
Brides who financially break their friends are just selfish and entitled.
Talk to the person who reached out to you about the party. It seems like she is the one putting it together.
I wouldn’t go into detail and just respond… thank you for thinking of me for this but I will not be able to attend. Done and done
Jeez, people are so poor. Eww
Updateme