I recently got engaged to my fiancé who is extremely affectionate, loving, and sweet to me daily. We have been together for 5 years and are both 30 years old.
However, today I got really upset that I had gained a bit of weight and we argued about it. I always thought (-and he assured me) he kept our disagreements and my insecurities private. I keep everything private that he confides to me. Today I overheard him talking about me while gaming. He had thought that I had gone to volleyball.
He was saying how much he hates women, that we are all the same. Fucking cant stand women and that I drive him crazy. Women are all psychos and are all the same. That it would be easier if they could just be gay together. If your woman doesn’t drive you crazy then she’s a dude. He loves me but I drive him crazy
I was honestly absolutely shocked because I’ve never heard him talk this way about women or me for that matter. He said after our 3rd date he ‘sealed the deal’ and asked his friend all about his sex life and started talking about how crazy different girls in the past were. He called other women fucking bitches….fat and that some are only good for the buck and then you drop them.
He honestly sounded like a stranger to me. I have never heard him say things like this and I understand ranting and blowing off steam but this made me feel like I didn’t even know him. It really bothers me to be with someone that sounds so misogynistic. Am I being overly sensitive?
Comments
If this is true, then no as a guy the dude sounds crazy. This is probably enough to call off the engagement if I were you but this is your choice. However, the universe works in mysterious ways. Maybe this was its way of showing you that this guy might not be the one to marry.
This sounds like a huge red flag to me.
Ooooo huge red flags 🚩 universe is showing you a glimpse into your future if you marry that man. I’m so sorry. If your comfortable with him being that way then w e but it doesn’t sound like you are
Although you might not understand it, this happened for a reason. Before you got married and real problems really start from this. He can’t hide this stuff forever. When you talk to him about it he will probably say he was just talking shit with the boys or something like that. But. It’s a giant red flag. One that calls for some distance for sure.
Having heard a lot of guys trash talk or vent in private it’s one thing to poke fun at each other or express frustrations but this isn’t that. He revealed what he really thinks about women and you. Theres no coming back from that. Even if he says it was all a joke or he was trying to fit in or some stupid excuse, he’s a grown man. If all it takes is some peer pressure or social anxiety to make him speak about you and women in such an ugly manner, why would you want to dedicate your life and future to this person. I don’t see any explanation that would justify staying.
I’d leave him. Don’t stay with someone capable of talking about you like this.
I agree with others red flags. Also have you all ever talked about women’s rights? How he feels women should be treated.
I was dating someone like this and kept ignoring the flags that he would talk about me to other people like that. I would think to myself, my partner of 6 years couldn’t possibly be talking shit about me behind my back when we don’t even fight or argue with one another. This is a flag if I’ve ever seen one. Take it seriously, be with someone who respects you and talks you up to other people, not puts you down
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
I’d leave. Sorry for the Reddit answer.
There’s no excuse for this. None. I’ve got zero tolerance for this shit. Especially in today’s political climate where women’s rights are being attacked and stripped. Nope.
Imagine the very real possibility that things get worse and you lose rights as a woman and THIS is the man you’re stuck with who is supposed to have your best interest at heart? No fucking way.
If you don’t end the relationship please don’t change your last name. They are already trying to prevent women from voting because the new last name doesn’t match the birth certificate.
When someone shows you who they are? Listen.
It’s better to know before getting married and having a child and/or furbabies if that was your plan. I don’t understand people like that. He acts as though the relationship was forced yet, he was the one who proposed.
Sorry for the heartache.
My friend dealt with a similar situation only they found out by thinking a Victoria’s Secret bag was a gift for them then they saw the size. Butthole was cheating on them the entire time. Which didn’t make sense to me because butthole pursued my friend, even proposed.
He showed you who he really is, believe him.
Speaking as a man, that rant was way over the top, not just some throw away line. I think you got a glimpse into what he really thinks.
Give the ring back.
“I don’t want to marry someone who talks about me like that. Have a nice life. Goodbye.”
🏃♂️
I’d get away from that guy pronto. If he says he’s doing it just to “fit in with the guys” that also means he has no spine.
Also, I can’t stand hearing people complain about their SOs. I’ve called some folks out about it; “Why don’t you break up, then?” “Oh no, he’s really a good guy!” “Then why don’t you ever say anything nice about him?” Dead silence.
My insides are screaming run.
When I tell you that I am absolutely shocked by this….I am the breadwinner and have a nice job and he would always hype me up about how amazing I am to other people and smart. I just honestly can’t wrap my head around what he said behind my back. I didn’t see this coming at all. I am about to head into my volleyball game. This only happened a few hours ago and I want a clearer head before I react to what I heard and can process it.
He sounds like he has gone down the pipeline. Very sad. A lot of the games are used to radicalize boys and men. Better you know now.
I wouldn’t even talk like that about ex’s who did terrible things to me.
If you were to have children and a daughter how would he treat her? I would walk away now.
How fortunate you found out who he truly is BEFORE you planned a wedding &/or married him. You are worth more than this.
He’s not the person he shows you. This is who he really is. Leave immediately.
Wow, that is some deep seated hatred toward women. His friends must either think he’s a piece of shit or be pieces of shit themselves. Would you let a guy who you heard talk like that date your daughter?
He sounds psycho, and he is not showing his true colors.
I would never feel safe tying myself legally to someone who was so willing to say such vile things about me behind my back.
Who needs haters when you have fiancé’s like this? Your significant other is supposed to be your greatest confident, your hype man and your teammate. Your ride or die. I’ll be honest… If I ever hear myself talk like this about someone I’m with? I know the relationship is over. Because I don’t speak words even close to this about anyone until we are done in my mind.
I would tell him that I am offering him the opportunity to go explore his gay self, and I would show him the door.
He is vile my dear, I wish you well and safety. I would end the relationship.
Yikes-well now you know who he is. Don’t let him bamboozle you when you confront him. Because, no, all men do not talk like that.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩be glad you found this out now. You’ve got some hard decisions to make. You’ve gotten some good suggestions on this thread, and you’ve got some thinking to do.
Above all, keep yourself safe.
Well he certainly tricked you. Make a plan to get away from him safely. Then spend some time thinking about how you fell for his BS and how to avoid this situation again.
I think the universe needed you to hear that. That’s not what love sounds like. Red flag and downright disrespectful.
I don’t think you are being overly sensitive at all. I would feel the same way.
Do you live together? If so, and you decide to leave him, I recommend not telling him until you’ve moved out, or removed his stuff and changed the locks. The whole “women are psychos” thing is probably projection and he could be dangerous.
I know you’ve been together for a long time but please don’t make it the reason you stay. You know you deserve to be with someone who respects you.
Something I learned after my divorce: some people are in love but aren’t meant to be together.
I stayed in a marriage that was a disaster (it started out okay and then it escalated into emotional and physical abuse) and it would have been so much easier if I had the guts to leave him earlier.
It was 11 years total. He stole my 20s from me. But I let him.
everyone’s saying you should leave and yeah I agree lol but let’s just propose you stay. you get married knowing he has this completely different side when you’re not around and that he’s only acting to keep getting pussy essentially. then you build this resentment towards him and start feeling uncomfortable and unable to be vulnerable with him and it will snowball into a slew of other problems… I would save yourself the stress and get away now. a simple “I don’t think our values align anymore but I wish you the best” and be on your way to find a partner who loves, respects and supports you and other women whether you’re around or not 🫶
That’s a major red flag if he’s talking that way and you guys just got engaged.
I don’t think it’s something you’re going to be able to forget about, so I’d sit down with him sometime and explain how you overheard him. Ask him about what he said, make him explain himself.
Because you don’t want to get locked down with a guy that’s raging in secret about some bullshit.
Either he was saying bs to his guy friends to seem cool or whatever (which would be very childish)…. or he is the last person to marry.
Its like he is 2 people. Jekyl and Hyde….
This is his true self. Run as fast as you can. If you marry him, his true self will come out sooner than later. Luckily you know now. Just dodged a bullet
I honestly wouldn’t be able to marry him if I heard my dude say such things.
Honestly, I hope you recorded it so you could play it back for him. He’s going to try and say you didn’t hear him right. Or, it’ll be one of those things like the guy who went on a racist tirade at his girlfriend’s mom for some discord challenge.
Either way, he’s showing you who he is when the mask isn’t on.
When my dad gave me his computer he told me not to download his emails – why he didn’t wipe it I’ll never know
Anyway, an email downloaded and he was talking to his mates about things one does to get “pussy”.
Lots of men are like this. I’m glad my partner is not because it would be a dealbreaker for me
Just read you are the breadwinner. He is putting on a nicey-nice face for you so as to not disrupt his lifestyle. You accidentally heard his mask slip. He was his true self when he thought you weren’t listening. If you confront him, he will probably chalk it up to “locker room talk”. If it was me, I’d not want to be with anyone that thought those kinds of things about women or people in general.
The fact that the title isn’t ex-fiancé shows me you’re not sensitive enough.
I don’t care if it’s just BS “guy talk”… But I know for sure that there’s more than a kernal of truth in such talk, and also that any half decent guy wouldn’t do this shit.
Think about things this way when you’re wondering whether he’s a POS or not. Would you want your daughter to be raised thinking this is OK for guys to think about her? Would you want your mother, grandmother, of sister to hear him talk about you this way? What would his mother think hearing that? Would you be OK if your bestfriends BFs talked about them that way?
Any self-respecting women shouldn’t and wouldn’t put up with this shit happening to themselves nor ones they care about and love.
Even if he claims he’s doing it because “guy talk”, he’s saying these things. You’ll never unhear them. And you’ll always wonder how much of him is real and honest with you. Tell him you heard what he said, give him the ring back, and tell him you wouldn’t want him to marry someone he hates. Tell him to go find someone who actually makes him happy. And you will find someone who does the same for yourself.
Abusive people do massive personality 180s after marriage when they have you trapped and uh the way he’s talking sounds very much like that should be something to fear
He will insist that he was “just blowing off steam” and go DARVO on you. Be prepared. And stay strong.
You’re not being sensitive enough.
Like all those horror stories of abusive husbands who suddenly flipped on a dime from Prince Charming to Monster once the wedding papers were signed, he would act exactly the same had you never heard him say those things.
And you got lucky enough to discover the monster before you were legally bound to him.
You can’t fix this, because you’ve been his prey from the beginning.
Even in the most charitable interpretation of his words, that he was simply saying it to fit in, means he has no spine, and is more than willing to let people walk all over him, and you.
In either scenario, is that a man you want to marry?
Believe what you heard and leave him.. he’s not going to change
Ew.
I’d probably start the talk with ‘So I guess I’m good for more than just the buck but…’
I think you don’t know anyone’s truthful personal thoughts. Period.
I would dump him, but first, REVENGE. Wait until he’s in another room, but you can play it off like you think he can’t hear you. Next step, call a friend or pretend to. Now the FUN part… start talking about how slow guys are. How they all believe it when women say size doesn’t matter… how you can’t believe he fell for that. Say how you aren’t happy about being tied to such a short guy for life. Even if he isn’t short, it’ll get in his head. Then throw in some stuff about terrible driving, inability to support his family, and if you REALLY want to, bring up halitosis. Checkmate. Then strut out with your middle fingers held as high as your head and don’t look back.
You are not overly sensitive. This dude is disgusting and will drop the loving act as soon as he has you locked down. You deserve respect and love. Get out.
That’s a Lot of venom. Sis, you just saw what lies beneath. Who he really is. Don’t marry him. I wouldn’t stay with him.
better hope you never have daughters if you stay with him
He’s the psycho here. I’m sure most women can’t stand him. Run baby run!! 🏃🏻♀️
Unfortunately there are still men out there who think this way towards women. Most of their so called respect towards women is them avoiding conflict.
It comes down to safety too. If this is who really he is, I’d be very careful to plan your exit as safely as possible, OP.
After he “seals the deal” of marriage, your life will be a living hell. His mask will come off and he will no longer have to play the role of a loving partner. RUN.
OP- he has been performing for you in order to trap you after the signing of the marriage certificate. Thank god you were in the right place at the right time (before children). I’m sorry you bc it is messed up to love a person that doesn’t really exist…
My husband would LITERALLY NEVER say anything like that. Run girl
Run. Asap. Please
This man is scary. Run!
I’m so sorry. This has got to have been so disorienting for you to hear him talk this way, and devastating.
This is really, really hard for him to come back from. Your spouse is supposed to be your life partner in crime – you’re supposed to be a team! Saying stuff like this behind your partner’s back is a major breach of trust and destroys the sanctity of your bond with each other. He dismissed not just you as annoying and crazy but your whole category of people – women – and that is nothing short of dehumanizing. You’re not a person to him. You’re an annoying crazy woman.
Don’t let the temporary excitement of your recent engagement make you go through with it and marry this guy. It’s so much easier to tell people now, “it just didn’t work out,” than it will be in 5 years when you are legally tied together and possibly have children. Even the easiest of divorces are a long and nightmarish process.
A person like this is not likely to improve short of going through years of therapy to figure out what went so wrong in his life so as to lead him to “love” you in one moment and say such vile things behind your back another. Sometimes the best thing to do is just leave. You can’t live the rest of your life wondering what shit he’s saying about you to other people all the time. You’ll never have closeness and peace in your relationship. And in that case, it’s better to be single than stuck with someone who secretly hates you.
I suppose the real question is can you go to sleep and wake up with this man every day for the next 50yrs? Will a mortgage, bills, kids, and baby weight make him a better person? What else don’t you know about him? He’s probably a dog kicker.
Dump him, and if he asks why, tell him you don’t want him to spend the rest of his life with someone who drives him crazy. 🙄
dump him as his mask will fall away as soon as yiu are married.
hoooly shhiittt get away from that psycho as fast as possible. to be so two faced is insane. that’s the real him! the one who is sweet to you just wants sex! wowww.
This happened to me. He became abusive and started to jokingly put his hands around my neck. I didn’t stick around for him to joke again. I’d consider him as a loss and move on. Better noe than my 16 years and 8 married only for extreme heartbreak later. He said he loved me too, but he only used me, so he didn’t feel lonely. He had an extremely controlling side and was self-conscious basically like a incel, hated himself even worse and never did good with women. But for some reason, he always sought them on the side, I was suppse to be the exception but eventuallyI became the problem. He cheated 3 years into our relationship too..
You lost me when you said he was gaming…
He’s a problem. Dump him and find someone else before he gets worse.
This is a massive red flag. His private misogyny reveals his true character, not his affectionate persona. You are not being overly sensitive… this is a serious breach of trust and respect. You deserve a partner who doesn’t harbor such degrading views about you or your gender.
This isn’t a rant it’s a reveal. He showed you who he is when he thinks you aren’t listening. Someone who hates women doesn’t make a good husband. Confront him:
“I heard what you said about women while gaming. It was degrading and unacceptable. We need to talk now.”
If he dismisses or excuses it, he’s telling you he meant it. If he truly regrets it, he’ll show change not just apologies.
You deserve a partner who respects women not one who trashes them. Trust what you heard.
Dude unlocked the secret Discord mod voice while gaming
Updateme
Giant red flag… I’d seriously consider breaking up…
Some guys don’t rant, they just accidentally show you who they really are.
This isn’t venting or getting frustrations out. He may have been talking crap to impress his friends too. But honestly this would be more than enough for me to break up with someone, I’d never be able to stop wondering if that’s how he truly feels. I’d probably have walked into the room halfway through his convo and said if you feel that way then leave lmao
Fuck no that’s insane
Don’t marry him
Married for…45 years here.
I’ve never heard my husband talk about me like that. And I’ve never talked about him like that.
About 25 years ago I worked in a group where everyone “trash” talked about their spouse or partner. Not me. I just let them talk. Several months went by and one of the guys turned to me and said “I’ve never once heard you say anything bad about your husband” I replied that while neither of us is perfect, we each have flaws and annoyances, we respect each other and our marriage. He said “thats the kind of marriage I’d like, I bet you stay married forever”.
Anyway…I can only wish the best for you OP, we all deserve it.
Why would you want to marry a misogynist?
I’d be running. Immediately. 5 years and he never showed a single sign😳 That’s truly disturbing.
It’s so crazy that he successfully hid that side of himself for you for 5 years. I mean that’s like really bad and truly I feel like it will only get worse. He will only get worse.
As a man, take this advise: when he’s out, leave. Pack your stuff, and leave. Don’t say a word, don’t give him the chance to argue. Pack up and leave. Let him blow up your phone, let him say what he’s gonna say. When he gets his mom to call you (and we all know he will) you can tell her you’ve gone off to be gay with other women like your man suggested, so he can go be gay with the dudes that hate women so much. This is the biggest red flag you will ever ignore if you stay. Men like this will flip the switch so fast as soon as your married. Once he knows leaving is as hard as possible he will cut you down every chance he gets. I’m telling you because I’ve seen it so often. First, it’ll be “babe you’ve put on too much weight, you should go to a gym” and then before you know it, it’ll be “you should be ashamed of your fat ass. No one will love you, good luck leaving me, I’m the only one who will put up with you like that.”
Please. Run. Fast.
As a man and husband, I can tell you that I never talked about my girlfriend, fiancée and now wife like this. This is who he really is, he’s just waiting until you are legally bound together. Yeah does my wife drive me crazy? Yes. Do we have our problems? Yeah. Do I sometimes vent to my friends? Yes. But do I ever get into our private details or disrespect her? No. Never. Not once.
My friends are dear to my heart. But my wife, our souls are eternally bound, wherever she is, that’s home. I would never disrespect her like that.
Some say boys will be boys. But maybe it’s time to ditch the boy and find a man, you deserve that. Someone who will never disrespect you. Period.
Sounds so misogynistic? I know you’re still in shock because he hid himself from you, but he IS. I’m so sorry he tricked you, OP. He straight up scammed you. After marriage, he was likely going to become abusive. At least you know before it started. A lot of women didn’t get that chance. Run while you can.
Already starting a smear campaign about you. I lived this life. Was completely blind sided. He’s a narcissist and it will get worse. You will doubt yourself, then the isolation begins, all while he’s running you down to everyone and learning your weaknesses to use against you further down the road. Then turning your family and friends against you. People will believe you are crazy when you finally snap into reality and ask for help and try to leave. Because the whole time you were lying to people to make him look good. He was lying to people to destroy you
You’re not wrong for feeling hurt, shocked, or questioning everything right now. If anything, your reaction shows strength and clarity
when somebody shows you who they are, always believe them. the best piece of advice i have ever been given and believe me that advice should be taken with this situation.
You’re not being sensitive, you’re seeing the real him. Affectionate or not, if he’s comfy calling women “psychos” and “bitches” to his friends, that’s who he really is when you’re not around.
WOW!!
God made it happen to free you from a life of misery.
It’s better that you grieve this loss and work on yourself than your family grieving you and a photo of you on TV. That behavior comes across as psychopathic! It’s terrifying!
Get into therapy, hit the gym and love yourself!
One day he will have no problem sayong it to your face
You are being overly BLIND. You found him without his mask off. If you tell him he will probably deny deny deny deflect OR admit it and say “but I love you, you’re less crazy” or some shit to save face..
If you marry him… don’t be surprised he actually takes off his mask permanently because he’s GOT YOU. Also, don’t get pregnant, my GOD no sex. Until you decide when you’re dumping his ass.
I have been with my husband 32 years and he texted some things about me to his sister that made me feel awful. He said some things to me directly that are excruciating. Then he retracted his statements and said he was just mad. Honestly, I have never felt loved since. If I had a Time Machine I would go back and never meet him. Even though he seems mostly loving I just can’t believe it’s sincere. You know yourself if you’re the type of person that would be heartbroken if that’s how he really felt then just get out of it. Some people are okay with saying horrible things to their mates and okay with brutal fighting. If you’re not one of those kinds of people then get out.
Sounds like he hates women and might be gay? That’s an odd thing to say if he’s actually straight. If he’s in the closet it would make more sense.
The it be Easier if I was gay quote is facts 😂😭
Dealbreaker. He’s been hiding who he is. Sounds like he’s been listening to many misogynistic YouTubers.
Have a serious think if you want to be tied to this person
Considering that he has been able to hide this side of himself from you for 5 years is freaking terrifying. Imagine what else he could be hiding…..😯
If I were you, I’d let myself be upset, talk to him calmly, and see how he reacts. His response will tell you a lot about whether he respects your feelings and boundaries.
Pfff. That is not how you deserved to be talked about. Know your worth.
I don’t believe in signs or the universe or gods, but there have been so many times that I’ve been saved from making a huge mistake by small things like these, and I believe this may be one of those “signs” that you shouldn’t marry this man, even if you don’t fully understand it yet, you should get away from him
Trust and mutual respect has left the chat
Do not marry this man.
Ewwww, are you planning on having kids with this guy? Imagine a daughter being brought up with that attitude.
Also I’ve always loved the saying “the measure of a man (person), is what he’d do if he knew he would never be found out”
This applies to this situation as much as it does actual deeds. I know that blokes can ‘ham it up’ with their ‘bros’ but the disrespect and treating women as objects, that would be a hard line for me.
You’re the only one who can decide whether this is a guy you want to marry. I personally don’t like people who tear others down rather than build them up. The last straw for me would be sharing confidential information and using it to tear down women in general and get a ‘laugh’ out of his friends.
You got a involuntary peep behind the curtain, now you have to decide how you decide to move forward.
Best of luck.
Whatever behavior you see while you’re dating….will be 100x more when you’re married.
Run away from him, seriously.
My husband says “run”.
I speak from experience when I say this is a red flag and points to some major underlying issues he has. And i speak from experience when I say this will affect your relationship at some point. Consider yourself very lucky you found out before getting married. Truly do yourself a favour and move on from this person. You’ll thank yourself later. Guaranteed.
He’s going to tell you that he was just saying shit to fit in with the dudes.
Personally, I think the worst thing that people, especially women, do when ending a relationship is to try and get their partner to see where they were wrong.
I wouldn’t do that. He’s shown you who you are. Believe him. Don’t even tell him why you are leaving. He’s not going to learn anyway. Let him wonder why (add all the things he’ll label you) left.
You say he’s affectionate, loving, and sweet. He just described that to his friends as something he does to “seal the deal” with you. He sees your relationship as transactional, and all that sweetness is an act to get something from you – sex, housekeeping, contributions to finances?
Now you know how he really feels. Don’t tell him why you’re leaving. Just wait until he goes to work one day, call in sick, and have friends or family help you move your stuff.
This would no longer be a fiancé if this were me.
I would have waited till he noticed me standing there behind him and toss the ring back at him. No way in hell I’d be marrying him after that.
How about making him your ex? This man doesn`t respect you or any other women. He doesn`t love you.
As a Married woman, for a man to say this about his Fiancée & along with women in general is not only very disrespectful, it’s evil, cruel, inexcusable, ignorant, plain stupid of him, & a major Red flag!! You just accidentally witnessed a side of him that he’s been hiding well from you! Imagine if you still end up marrying him, how quickly he’ll turn on you & maybe even abuse you. God revealed a side of him that you’ve never seen before. That’s concerning & should be an automatic reason to Run! You do NOT want to marry someone like him. Be grateful that you now know. It will hurt, you’ll be sad, be depressed…. along with upset…. but, I consider this a blessing. He doesn’t deserve you!
He is real good at performing in front of you to fool you into marrying him.
Please leave him. That’s exactly how he really feels about you. Using you. I’m glad you got to see this before having children marriage or what not. He should be gay with the people he talked to online since he says all women should be. The world would be a better place if they kept it real with themselves. But they want your free labor of taking care of them. He hates you and refuses to leave. Clear sign he’s using you. Let him be with whomever he’s online with. Girl please 🙏🏾 run for the hills.
You know what you have to do…
Well no surprise… Arguing because you gained some weight is already misogynistic… I feel like that part of the story was the worst
That’s not just blowing off steam that’s showing you who he really is when he thinks you’re not around.
Whoever you fell in love with doesn’t actually exist. You need to grieve the loss of that person and move on. Even if you stayed, the person he was is long gone.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽
I think the best possible way to interpret this would be to hope he was trying to impress his buddy with ‘guy talk’ ???🤔🤔. Is the buddy that kind of a guy??
Leave leave leave. You don’t want your children to have such a father or to be married to such a person yourself.
Dont get married. You need answers to his behavior. I hope you’re using birth control.
I think I would quietly prepare everything to leave asap. After that is in place, for me safety, maybe give it one more open conversation.
This last bit depends on what your instincts are telling you: is this man a pathological liar, incapable of real empathy and respect? Or just avoidant as fuck? Addicted to anything (substance or behavior)?Then skip the conversation, just break up as quickly and cleanly as you can.
Is he damaged, traumatized and insecure? Living in fear but in his core capable of empathy and love? And willing to confront his fears and do the work? Then you can try giving him some insights, staying friends and supporting him as he goes to therapy. Keep yourself safe first though.
Either way, don’t marry him. And move out asap.
Now you know. It’s painful, but you can’t stay with someone who feels that way.
You’re not overreacting, what you heard was disrespectful and misogynistic.
Affection isn’t enough without respect, and it’s valid to bring this up and see how he responds.
Your ex said what?
You don’t understand it dear.
It was god’s sign that he made you hear that.
How a person behaves in front of you barely matters.
Who he is when you are not looking that is the main scene.
I know easier said than done, but think about a year after marriage when the mask will come off, when he knows you are bound, he knows he can put you down, he knows he can treat you the way he feel, then it will be too late.
End this now.
Signs should be taken very seriously.
Do not marry him. I beg of you.
Do not marry this guy whatsoever. that is UNACCEPTABLE behaviour. Your man is a god damn loser, and he just proved it to you.
Did you let him know you were there?
Updateme
Sorry but this guy is a loser.
I (27m) have been with my now wife for 11 years now, and you’d never catch me saying any of this nonsense to my boys.
Time to plan your exit.
How many times after marriage the true beast emerges.
Count it as a blessing that you hear all that before being married. Imagine if you had kids with this person the terrible things he teach them.
If someone secretly shows their true colors, trust what you heard.
You should have recorded that. Get out honey, there is no excuses for taking about you or women in general like that. He’s not respecting you
Hates women= gay. Run!
I guarantee he’s on the game talking shit to women.