My(33M) wife(32f) and I have been married for 1 year this Monday but have been together for 3 years.
My truck broke down when I was getting home from work so I got a ride from a friend. His car is really quiet compared to my truck so my wife didn’t hear it pull into the driveway. I quietly unlocked the door because I wanted to surprise her but she was on a video call with a friend in the kitchen so I just listend. They were talking about marraiges when her friend asked her why she got married to me when she doesn’t even love me. She answerd, “I love how much he loves me – he’s nice”. From the start of our relationship I had a sense that I loved her more than she did me as I was always clingy and affectionate all the time but I just thought she wasn’t affectionate in general. At the time what she said hurt but also confused me so I just stood there behind the wall for about 15 minties trying to make sense of what I heard. I eventually came out and acted normal; explaining about the truck and my day and what not but later that evening I confronted her by saying I came home a bit earlier and ended up overhearing what she said on the video call. She barely reacted then explained that it’s true that she really does care about me inspite of not loving me romantically and wants to continue our marraige. At this point things were emotional on both sides and it was getting late. She suggested we go to bed and continue this tomorrow after we both get off work but I rejected this and to sleeping in the same bed which made her upset. After some failed convincing attempts to get me to agree she went to bed alone and I slept on the couch. I get up early to get to work so this is where i’m at right now.
So many thoughts are going through my head, I obviously can’t continue to be with somsone who doesn’t love me romantically but does that mean the past 3 years were not real? What if she’s just confused and she does love me? Is she just with me for stability?
How do I approach this situation? I still love her but I can’t continue knowing it isn’t mutual.I’ve decided not to go to work today to sort this out but it seems like she is planning to based on last night.
TlDR; overheard my wife saying she doesn’t love me on the phone, we talked about it but it didn’t end well. I’m re-evaulating out entire marraige.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Dude, I am sorry. But, there is no coming back from that. A least you know before you had kids. You can move on a find someone who truly loves you.
If you want to be married to someone who love you then you need to end this marriage.
That’s really rough. At this point there is no coming back from this. See a divorce lawyer and start the ball rolling. At home, move into another room, if you have one, and start doing your own cooking, laundry etc. Do your own thing. Make her know that she’s now just a housemate until the divorce goes through.
Ouch. This isn’t something I think I could come back from. I’d be too afraid that as soon as the grass was greener, and or she got bored/ tired of what I give, it’d be over. Life’s short. People are plenty. We all deserve to be with someone who loves us.
Comfortable doesn’t equal love. No one wants to be the one she “settled” to be with.
This relationship is over. Moving on is the only logical step.
Don’t stay in an unhappy marriage just to stay not single. You owe yourself more than a false love life
She doesn’t love you so why stay? If you are only cares about you tell her to get a dog and get the fuck out of there.
My dude, if she doesn’t love you, then why would she marry you? That doesn’t make sense.
I think you need to understand that love isn’t a feeling it’s a choice. My wife doesn’t feel in love with me all the time, but she still shows compassion and love. Likewise there’s some times I wish I was a woman so I could batter her but I still choose to hold her when she’s not well likewise she chooses to love me when she has to clean skid marks off the toilet etc it’s a choice.
You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them… if she is willing to look you in the face and tell you she doesn’t love you she not confused…. I’d divorce her..
There’s a potential of this marriage getting worse as time goes on.
She may treat you as a ‘less than’. What happens if some other guy catches her eye? She’d probably have the attitude of ‘oh, he (meaning you) is not going to leave me anyway…’
She doesn’t love you, she loves the things you do for her. She will eventually cheat or dump you. Leave her preemptively. Updateme
I’m sorry – that is brutal. But I don’t think you can live with that information. You deserve someone who loves you.
And I don’t mean that you need someone who is head-over-heels or infatuated. A calm quiet love that may not be lust-driven is totally fine. But the woman you’ve married doesn’t even feel a familial or fraternal love for you.
I think she married you for stability/safety/status. Some women just want to be married to anyone who will have them. You deserve better.
She is not confused. She doesn’t love you.
When people show you who they really are, believe them. Lawyer up. Move on. Heal. And then find someone who loves you. Who is in love with you. Not someone who is with you because you’re NICE.
You deserve better
Realize this
Best wishes 💛
Update me if you will please 🙏🏽
That’s got to be a gut punch. If this is a first marriage for you both, and there are no kids together, you might wish to divorce.
My first wife did the same thing to me, told me she doesn’t love me. This, after a 7 year relationship and a three year marriage. That was it for me. Took me 6 months to get the courage to move out and it destroyed my relationship with my step daughters.
You can’t stay with someone who doesn’t love you. First, you can’t trust them or their so called honesty. Second, you don’t know that at any moment the person will up and say, I love someone else. Time to leave bro, time to leave.
I’d be done if she wouldn’t love me romantically. Sorry bro. Good thing you heard this early when it’s still relatively easy to separate.