This is a throwaway account since my main one has a recognizable username. Also, I apologize for the format since I’m on mobile.
Like the title says, my (24f) sister (28f) was taking ozempic to lose weight. I saw her eating less and less and losing an impressive amount of weight in a short period. She always had issues with an ED, but this was a new level of tunnel vision, focused on an impossible skinny that would never come. I was an idiot at the time and instead of being concerned I joined her and also started losing weight, fast. I was enjoying the feeling of achievement and the way I looked so much, but towards the third month I stopped taking it because I kept having moments where I suddenly got dizzy, started shaking and broke into a cold sweat, and it scared me. My sister used those moments as a cue to eat and no other time, and since she had long shifts at work I came to find out whenever she said she ate at work, she lied. She lied to them saying she ate at home, and she lied to me saying she ate at work.
A few weeks ago, I realized she never woke up to get ready for her shift at work. She usually sleeps in until very late in the afternoon (she works nights) but even then, it was getting close to where she wouldn’t make it to work on time. So I went to check up on her. That’s when the nightmare started. She was moaning, pupils dilated, her body stiff and stuck in place. Her arms were against her chest and her hands were twisted and curled up into tight fists. Her feet were stretched to points and her mouth was locked shut. I thought she ODed at first (she has a personality disorder so she has access to psychiatric medication) and tried to make her throw up, but to no avail. I took her to the ER where they pumped her stomach and sent her to another hospital with better equipment since she needed to get studies done to assess her damage. She’s been stuck in place ever since.
She was in the ICU for about 10 days where I could only see her twice a day for half an hour each time. She just stared into nothing while I tried to hold it in and not cry in front of her, getting updates once a day and hearing the same thing over and over: The damage is done and it’s irreversible, we don’t know IF she’s gonna come back to her body and IF she wakes up, it’ll be a long time to know for sure what the redt of her life will look like.
She’s now out of the ICU since she can breathe on her own and her vitals are stable, but that means my every other day in charge entails taking care of her for 24 hours at a time: feeding her (through a tube in her nose), bathing her, making sure she’s okay. She got pneumonia in the ICU so we also have to monitor that, vacuum(?) her throat every few hours, and clean the vacuum system every day.
My sister was my best friend. We used to do almost everything together, she was my safe space growing up in an abusive household and she was my partner in crime while living together as adults and taking care of things together. We talked about so much, including this situation, somehow. She used to clearly say she’d rather be dead than bedridden, unable to speak or wipe her own ass. Seeing her going through her worst fear pains me to my core, to the point where my body doesn’t feel real and I’m just numb, unable to do anything else but go through the motions. It’s like it’s not happening to me, I just have to get the task done. There’s glimpses where it does feel real, but the emotions are so many, conflicting and overwhelming I just shut down and go right back to numb. I’m sad my best friend is gone and whoever is left is just suffering in her body. I’m angry at her for doing that to herself. I feel guilty for finding her so late and not being able to fix anything. I’m frustrated that I have to interact with my abusive mother because no one else can help me on the days I can’t be here (that in itself brings a plethora of issues I don’t even have time to process fully).
I feel like I’m in an in-between of grief and responsibility. I feel like I was jumping on a bouncy castle and it disappeared on the way down, and I just crashed on the floor and haven’t been able to gasp for air yet. She was my caretaker, emotionally and in all the practical ways that matter, and now it’s up to me and I have no idea what I’m doing.
I don’t know, life just sucks right now, for her and me. Don’t take ozempic, it’s not worth it.