Parent that insists you’re a bad person

r/

Anyone have an N-parent who will accuse and attack you, trying to make you out to be some awful, immoral person? I’m so tired of feeling like I have to defend myself. I’m nice to a fault because I’ve been accused so much of being a bad person that I’ve tried to prove to everyone that I’m not. It’s made me a people pleaser and I’m tired of it. This shit sucks.

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

    This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in RBN.

    RBN is a heavily moderated subreddit. Any rule breaking, regardless if it is the first-time offense, may result in an immediate ban. Failure to read our rules in full will not absolve you from breaking the rules. If you have not read our rules, read them first before commenting.

    Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by a moderator.

    Our rules include (but not limited to):

    • No politics.
    • No victim blaming and/or personal attacks.
    • Advising anyone in RBN to take their life or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate, unappealable ban.
    • Do not derail OP’s post.
    • Narcissists are NOT allowed to participate in RBN.
    • No platitudes or generic motivational posts.
    • Always assume a context of abuse.
    • Do not ask or offer gifts, money, etc.
    • Do not advocate violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
    • No content about N-kids.
    • No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.

    For a full list of our rules/more information, click here.

    If you are confused about some acronyms or terminology, click here!

    Need info or resources? Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

  2. charmxfan20 Avatar

    My mom made me feel like a terrible person for eating meat. My family is vegetarian and my mom is a religious Hindu. She made so many jabs at me and a few years ago, I finally broke down and she stopped

  3. snaillubber Avatar

    Yeah they’d say I was a manipulator at like 13 years old :/

  4. JallsInYoBaw Avatar

    My mom always says I’m selfish while completely ignoring all the times I’ve paid for some of her stuff.

    One time, she said I treated her worse than a dog/like shit at the bottom of a shoe, and her horde of sheep (or my siblings) agreed with her. Why? Because I didn’t want to pay her to cook breakfast for me.

  5. ExactAd6278 Avatar

    Yes! It’s taken years to get my inner voice to not just parrot all of the things they’d say. “You’re being manipulative” “you’re not trustworthy” “you’ve got a sharp tongue” “you’ve always been a mean girl” etc. I’m still finding truths I fundamentally believe about myself that are so fkd. Therapy really helped me start to heal this, highly recommend if you haven’t gone before

  6. ManiacV12 Avatar

    Usually I’m the one trying to out the narcissist as a bad person ! And they are the ones trying to make me seem like I’m crazy telling me i need to go to therapy when i get passionate about what i believe

  7. FrugallyFickle Avatar

    My dad told my aunt that I was “promiscuous.” I was 14. And a virgin for many years after that.

  8. OkConsideration8964 Avatar

    I’m not just the black sheep. I’m the tie dyed, Technicolor sheep with lights and sparklers. And if I hadn’t been so bad, she wouldn’t have had to violently abuse me. According to her, anyway.

    I just live my life on my terms. I’ve had a successful career, have a large circle of friends, a beautiful daughter and an amazing husband that I’ve been married to for almost 30 years. That all makes her seethe with anger.

  9. Adept_Statement_4980 Avatar

    Stop trying to defend yourself. There is no point. Learn to love yourself. Get some therapy.

  10. Letusbegrateful Avatar

    Yeah I just ignore it and cry in my room when they say stuff like that. Idk I’m pretty good at keeping my distance from my parents even though I still live with them. But when they start saying I’m a bad person, it triggers something in me, because I’ve given so much of my life trying to be the perfect daughter  and it’s still never enough. Idunno hope we’ll get over it one day

  11. Unconsciouspotato333 Avatar

    I used to. I trained my parent like a dog to stop. Everytime he started to go down that path I would hang up (I had moved away so that was nice.). Took a few years and lots of distance but he watches his mouth, even in person. 

  12. Gullible_Chocolate40 Avatar

    For sure. But then I realized they’ve thought that since I could walk. And anyone who has beef with a baby doesn’t deserve my time. They’re going to think what they want about me, I can’t stop that. And I’m done bending over backwards trying to prove I’m not a bad person when most people already know that