I’m a mom to my perfect nearly 2 year old baby girl, who seems to have liked dad since the day she came into this world. 2-3 nurses said that at the hospital and in our early doctors visits, I didn’t pay much attention to it. But I do now, when she screams for dada and gets angry if I show up instead.
Dada is a great dad, no doubt about it, but I’m the one who always shows up. I’m there taking care of her every need, I spend more hours with her ( we both work), and my whole life is basically built around her ( with no regrets). It hurts to keep getting rejected and I wonder if I will always just be craving her love and approval. Parents who went through this and have older kids now, does this ever change?
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I don’t recommend competing with your partner.
All of our girls have done this with me from around 1 upwards. I was a novelty as they saw my wife more frequently given I was in the office long hours. As your daughter gets older, make sure you’re both disciplining her so she doesn’t choose sides. You’re more likely to be in the position to apply discipline is you’re around her more.
It’s all a great boost as a father, but over time I saw the sadness it created in my wife. We worked very hard to change it and we now have a great balance. I have a different relationship with my girls and son compared to that of my wife, but we are all close and welcome the differences to ensure our kids are well rounded.
The kids tend to go back and forth. As they grow, share their interests. That will help you bond.
This was my son for 2 years, from the ages of 2 to 4.
He just preferred dad for a while. It’s rough. It really sucks! Everybody kept telling me it’s a phase. But it was a phase that lasted 2 years…
He didn’t want me for any of the care work. If he wanted comfort, care or help, it was always daddy.
I focused on being an engaged and fun parent and spending some quality time with him every day.
Took him for walks, to the playground, little fun outings like indoor playground, petting farm, car wash. I read to him, played with him (like fully present play, phones away), sat and coloured with him, we did so much painting, dance parties, horseplay, etc. I didn’t buy him treats or toys, just focused on having fun together, often outdoors. Like I’d be happy to just push him on the swing at the park, run through the splash pad with him, go for a walk in the nearby forest and collect leaves, play hide and seek for a half hour, get down on the ground and play with trains for an hour.
Keep up the hugs and cuddles and kisses and telling her you love her.
If she’s yelling and screaming at you to go away because she wants Dada, don’t get mad.
Memorize these phrases:
“Well, I love you.”
“I know you want Dada, but today is my turn to do bedtime and I’m so excited to spend time with you.”
“I love taking care of you and doing your bedtime.”
“That’s okay if you don’t like me. Because I love you.”
It will eventually change. From 4 to 6, my son has liked me better. I’m still the fun parent. I still spend quality time with him every day.
Over time, he’s learned our different strengths. When he was 5, he said to me that Daddy is “an expert at cooking” and that I’m “an expert” at taking him “for little walks and to the playground.” Which is accurate.
oh yes 🙌, I completely understand it. I am in your position but as a dad.
You have to accept this first and then own your time, use it for doing other things, talk about it.
I think kids like rules, they are expecting this from us, like in a game, this is what makes it attractive and interesting.
But yes, eventually everything changes.
My kids are 11 and 6. They still prefer dad. My son knows it hurts my feelings sometimes, like when we are out at a restaurant or something and they fight over who gets to sit next to dad. Not me. But my son (11)came to me a few weeks ago and told me that yes, my husband is the fun dad, but when it counts, he knows I will be there. He said I am the one he prefers for things like his emotional support. He also told me he loves me so much. The older he gets, the more our mother son relationship grows. Kids will always gravitate to fun. But I have learned it doesn’t mean they love their dad more than me. I have fun with my kids too, didn’t want to sound like I don’t.