This doesn’t even just go for deadbeat dads but moms too. It’s seen as so normal and even acceptable for the parent with less or no custody to move away from their children’s home town/state. Be it for job security or even to start a new life with another partner.
I will never forget how traumatic it was when I was in third grade and had to accept my dad was moving across the country to be with my abusive stepmom and have a family with her.
I went from seeing him every weekend to only once every handful of years. And after he moved the first time I saw him was SIX YEARS later.
Parents should have an obligation to be physically present in their existing children’s lives. I don’t care- it’s so selfish to leave and restart as if nothing happened.
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you realize you are probably better off without your dad? in any case, nah, parents with limited to no custody is free to move away for any reason they deem fit.
And what if the parent with custody/the child lives with moves?
Because this works both ways. Especially fathers often get their kids ‘taken away’ this way, with no way to move as well.
Hey OP, do you know what is worse than growing up without a parent? Growing up with a parent who hates you.
Imagine getting back from school every single day and your dad looks at you and all he sees is “If it wasn’t for you, I would be with the woman I love in a life I’m happy with, but instead I’m stuck here in a town I hate and want to leave”. Sorry about your trauma, but you aren’t looking at the other side of things.
I think the issue here is that your dad abandoned you, not that he moved. After my parents divorce, the army moved my dad across the country. I still saw him several times a year. He was at every major school event, and I spent all extended breaks with him. Life might move a non-custodial parent, but its up to them to remain present in their child’s life.
i disagree. as long as his share is being paid i don’t really mind.
as someone that had an abusive mom i can tell you, the worst thing that you can do it’s to try to force someone to love you, because it won’t work.
if anything that person will hate you and resent you. forcing people to stick around never made anyone love anyone
This deserves more upvotes but I guess it’s actually an unpopular opinion so it won’t get them. My parents had 50/50 custody my mom got remarried and moved out of state and I had to choose who to go with. Psycho father but everything I’ve known or selfish mother in a shitty town.
There is a saying: “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
Meaning, either everyone gets to move away, parents, children, siblings, etc and abandon their families and communities (and then come on Reddit and whine that there’s no “third spaces” and community) and we don’t shame them, or we start shaming everyone who abandons their families. Can’t have it both ways.
This is one of the reasons I am so happy to be child free. The idea of not only having to keep an ex in my life longterm, but also be tied to a specific location sounds like such a burden to me.
Meh, I had nearly the same experience and didn’t understand it as a kid, Dad moves across the country, Mom never said a bad word about him until I started to when I was older. Turns out having a narcissist away from you is more beneficial. Sure you need to look to your friends dads to see what a man should be but I was fortunate, the dads around me were good men. The lasting thought I always had was, what kind of man chooses to move away from his children? Simple answer, it’s not a man, a weakling who shouldn’t have had kids in the first place.
Meh, I had nearly the same experience and didn’t understand it as a kid, Dad moves across the country, Mom never said a bad word about him until I started to when I was older. Turns out having a narcissist away from you is more beneficial. Sure you need to look to your friends dads to see what a man should be but I was fortunate, the dads around me were good men. The lasting thought I always had was, what kind of man chooses to move away from his children? Simple answer, it’s not a man, a weakling who shouldn’t have had kids in the first place.
Maybe post this on the r/therapy sub instead OP
My ex had an affair and ran off with my kids to live with her AP. She moved to the most remote part of the state. For all intents and purposes, it practically was like another state. Every time I went there, I would have to carve out the entire day to get there and back. It was so far out of the way that even the half way meeting place was a pain in the ass to reach. She originally wanted me to drive up there to her place every two weeks for the pick up but I wouldn’t budge on that. Unlike her, I had a job. So it’s not always the non-custodial parent causing the difficulties.
Forcing a parent to be around children they clearly have no interest in being around is a recipe for disaster.
Pretty sure this is super popular and also completely correct. Though there might be instances where people can’t do shit about it. You need a job to support your child. If there’s no job for you where you live you need to follow the job. Normally the whole family would, but since they are not blind to said parent anymore, what can you do.
So, is ok for kids to move away from their parents?
I am looking forward to retiring am moving to a faraway land for a life of leisure. I have lived my entire life in an area I HATE to be near family so when I retire, I am going to think of myself.
Honestly, as bad as that trauma was, having a terrible father entirely out of your life may have been less traumatic than the alternative.
This sounds more personal than in general. If someone has the opportunity to make more, actually, for whatever reason, while still being in the child’s life is fine.