For context ~ we have been dating for over 2 years and have a perfect relationship. We communicate greatly and are each others best friends. Super super close. We even lived together last summer and plan to move in together starting a new lease in June.
The only big issue we’ve had was after about a year of dating I got very drunk one night and went through her phone to find stuff about her ex crush (not because i thought they were up to something just because I am insecure and wanted to feel bad about her). I told her though and trust was built back.
Anyway- I have always asked her if she watches porn. At first I said I wasn’t okay with it and that I prefer she didn’t, but quickly after I realized I didn’t really care and I always ALWAYS reassured her that she could do it and that I just want to know about it. Like know that she actively does it and that would be fine. I have always made that clear that I just want to be honest with each other.
Well today I was on her phone playing a game. I was switching apps and noticed a porn video on her twitter feed so of course I went to look at it and saw that it was on the timeline. this lead me to look into her bookmarks where I found a few (probably more, I just got sick and stopped scrolling) porn videos. I immediately closed out and just went back to the room and told her everything. I told her I “think i saw something porn related on your tl” and that i rather she just tell me so we can be honest and stuff.
Then she just started lying. For like 20 minutes. I gave her so many chances to tell me and she never did. I started to gaslight myself like damn maybe i hallucinated or something.
She has a few different twitter accounts and while she was telling me “Oh i’m not sure I can’t think of why it would be on anything” i see her logging out of her account in the reflection of her glasses. So then i’m like oh can i see? And sure enough she did. she logged out of the account that it was saved on. So THEN i was like oh maybe it was on x account (i know it was) and she’s making all these lies saying “I haven’t been on that in a forever because it logged me out” even tho i literally just saw it. she was being very very sweet and talking in our cute voice the whole time and being sweet and seemingly reassuring.
So then she was going to the bathroom and i was like “by the way you have glasses on” and she just walked away.
So then.. she came back in and im like sobbing saying why couldn’t you just tell me i saw you log out. So she’s apologizing saying im sorry i had no reason to lie but i did bla bla blah and i said “did you check your saves” and she says Yes and then flips the saves to me. and there’s nothing in it. So I start crying even more and im telling her I checked it why are you lying again and she of course just doesn’t know what to say and keeps apologizing. Then i’m like Ok when were the videos from and she was like “just from a few nights ago” and i’m like WHAT? because mind you, she ALWAYS tells me she doesn’t watch porn. 2) at the beginning of the convo she was like “i haven’t even been fingering myself because my meds don’t let it feel good so idk why anything would be there” but she was so clearly just lying about all of that.
I honestly feel heartbroken. I can’t stop crying I asked her to go for a little bit so i can process everything but i just feel betrayed. I do NOT care that she was watching the porn. yeah it makes me a tad insecure, but i don’t care that much. It just makes me sick and heartbroken that she lied to me so much, so easily, right to my face. after i gave her SO many chances to tell me the truth, multiple times in a row. i feel like im being dramatic but we’ve literally never had any type of issue like this so i just feel betrayed. I can’t even describe it.
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