TL;DR:
Two years ago, while drunk, I acted inappropriately toward another woman while in a committed relationship — flirting, showing off, and seeking attention without any physical contact. A second incident involved mild flirting and giving a discount at a fair. I’ve deeply regretted both since, and haven’t repeated the behavior. I’m now in a great place with my partner and want to propose, but guilt is overwhelming me. Should I confess and risk damaging the relationship, or let it go, knowing I’ve changed?
Hello everybody,
This is a throwaway account**
Should I tell my partner yes/no?
I (25M) have been dating my partner (25F) for almost three years.
We have a fantastic relationship as of now, and have moved states recently, progressing onto the next stage of our relationship.
However, I have extreme guilt and regret over two past incidents.
The story begins over two years ago and eight months into the relationship, when I was away with my college football team on a trip. When insanely drunk, I seen a barmaid standing beside me and I started talking to her. I don’t know how the conversation started or what but it progressed with me asking if she would have a drink after her shift, I then showed her my abs (insanely drunk) and started asking if she’d ever been with a football player. At this point, I said I’m joking I have a partner and she said she appreciated it and said I wish I told her earlier which I agreed.
That night, I also started pulling my jeans down in the pub (cringe and disgusting I know) I said some comments with my friends such as she’s hot but I can’t get with her I’ve a partner) I tried getting her attention throughout the night for I think no other reason than immaturity, she did approach me once and I didn’t say anything.
In my mind, because I was drunk and didn’t once envision physical contact, it wasn’t cheating.
This stayed with me and I liked the validation and I was young and stupid, not making light of it whatsoever as I am so disgusted with myself and grief stricken and this disgust hit my 16 months ago.
When volunteering at a fair, two girls approached me one smiling at me, I smirked back and the smirking continued while I served them, I gave them a discount and they went on their way. However after this, another volunteer reached out to me saying somebody was looking for me to serve them personally.
It was the girl and her friend and I realised how wrong it was and I walked up and said sorry I won’t serve you and find somebody else before walking off.
They are the two instances.
After that guilt and regret hit me like a train, I was disgusted at myself and seeing I would act like that in such situations.
The image of me doing that with my partner somewhere else unaware haunts me.
However, I said to myself that I knew deep Down I would never engage in that type of behaviour again and I was so disgusted with myself.
Fast forward to the last month, my partner and I were at a bar and both got drunk.
Anyhow, I woke up the next morning, finding a woman had followed me on social media.
I was stricken with guilt, thinking I said I’d never do that again, I couldnt remember even meeting this woman, turns out that she was speaking to my partner and I when having a cigarette and I couldn’t remember it.
But that set of a chain of regret and guilt, and I can’t shake it seemingly, I’ve spent the last week just replaying the two times over and over in my head, and it’s gotten to the point that I’m thinking about things that didn’t even happen.
When we first moved states last month, it was great and I was even thinking of proposing ok the next year.
I’m so torn and don’t know what to do, I want to tell my partner but then I think that if I know I’ll never do it again, is it just alleviating my own guilt?
My confided in a best friend of mine and he said that although immaturity played a huge role it was the pinnacle of bad behaviour and that it crossed the threshold definitely, however, just to bury it now and move on.
Thanks for reading if you’ve stayed this long