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People don’t change for no reason in long-term relationships, you’re also at fault

r/

I disagree with the notion that people just “change” in a long term relationship and stop being as they were for no reason.

People often say “they just changed one day and i don’t know why” or “things aren’t like they were at the beginning”. Then, they act like this is for no apparent reason. I think people spend so much time criticizing their partners they fail to reflect on their own shortcomings. A relationship is a mirror, if you don’t like what you see, make sure to judge your own reflection too.

The moment you correct your behavior, theirs is probably going to change drastically as well.

(Disclaimer: this is in no way about abusive/toxic relationships, this is about normal/healthy relationships falling off)

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar
    AutoModerator

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  2. marzblaqk Avatar
    marzblaqk

    I think a lot of people drop the good partner act once they feel comfortable or just take their partner for granted. Sone pushback is needed to prevent thos from happening. If you just accept and go along with everything, even good people will start to take advantage over time if your happiness isn’t a priority.

  3. ahdrielle Avatar
    ahdrielle

    They may not change for no reason, but they do change. For better or for worse.

  4. Chemical_Signal2753 Avatar
    Chemical_Signal2753

    Here’s my observations:

    1. Over time everyone changes in response to life. Being single and carefree with few financial obligations is different from working in a stressful position to pay your mortgage and support a family of 4. If you’re upset they changed you’re likely being unrealistic with your expectations.
    2. It often takes years for people to understand what they want out of life and, more importantly, they may have to experience what they don’t want before they realize it. People can go for years following a life plan that was set out for them, becoming less happy every year, until they reach a breaking point. This is often called a mid life crisis but it can happen earlier or later.
    3. In terms of relationships people are often shallow. They may end up in a relationship with someone because they’re attractive or high status. When these shallow and superficial qualities fade they may realize that they really don’t like the person they’re with.