I am childfree by choice. I have my own reasons. Like many other people who decide to remain childfree, I get quite some people telling me that my choice is wrong. Each of these people insist so convince me by telling me reasons why it’s good to have kids, and again and again every reason they explain it’s centered on themselves.
The major argument I hear again and again is that I should have kids so I have someone to care for me when I’m old. Now in my mind this is quite some bad motivation for kids – you burden your child with an expectation that often is not realistic or fair. It’s great if your kid chooses to care for you but to uphold an expectation that your child has to provide care for their parents is troublesome and toxic and a path to ruin your relationship with your kid.
Same with the second argument I hear most often – kids would provide company so you are not lonely. First, I’m childfree but not lonely and I believe there are many people like me who are childfree and not lonely but living socially very fulfilling lives. Second, even if you are lonely, I am not sure if having kids will solve the problem, and also, as kids grow up, they develop their own boundaries and may prefer to not spend too much time with their parents. Again, it’s great if kids love spending time with their parents but they should choose to do so and shouldn’t be forced.
I also hear lots of stuff about lineage or social responsibility. I don’t care whether there are people on this earth sharing my DNA. Survival of the human race is not a priority for me because this planet already has too many humans. I don’t want to participate in capitalism’s endless growth gane that relies on the world population to birth more consumers. But anyway – these aren’t reasons that I think are healthy or contribute to a good relationship between parents and kids.
And the last, maybe most absurd reason I’ve heard: It would be a waste of my reproductive system if I didn’t procreate. Yeah I don’t even want to comment on this. People also say this without any knowledge of the actual situation of my reproductive health, so …
Now I think the best reason to have kids is – you love little humans, you enjoy caring for them, you love bringing a new life to this world and nurturing it, seeing it grow and watch it, support it and love it in any way how it develops. People never tell me this. It seems everyone wanting to convince me to have kids try to come up with reasons how useful a kid could be to my life, whereas I think the decision to give kids should never even consider this at all. Having kids should not be transactional as what the child can do for you. Be the parent with all the responsibilities should be the actual joy.
Childfree people are often called the most selfish people and if I hear people talking about what their kids should do for them I wonder who is actually the selfish one?