Despite nearly a year of communicating my concerns and expressing how the unresolved issues were affecting my feelings, he continued to ignore the smaller but significant problems. Over time, the lack of effort led to growing resentment and frustration. Eventually, I reached my limit and decided to end the relationship.
Alcoholism, which turned into abuse, and then pretending nothing ever happened and everything was fine. Not listening to anything when I would communicate my feelings and what was bothering me.
not me but my mom ultimately divorced my father after about 20 years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse (he was a heavy alcoholic), needless to say i had to experience those things too on a daily basis and actually i was the one to scream some sense into her to finally divorce
Not a divorce, but a break up. She kept buying the store brand generic yellow mustard 🟡 when I asked her countless times not to purchase that inferior product that masquerades as a high quality condiment.
He said as a threat, “maybe we should get a divorce.” I said, “I agree. Let’s do it.”
It was one of his go-to things to say when we had disagreements and I got sick of it. If we had not had 4 young children, I’d have done it the first time.
Abusing me while drunk on a weekly basis. Breaking up with me all the time while drunk, and then me having to fix it all the next day. I told her, every time you do this you push me away a little bit more. One day you’ll try to break up with me as usual, and I’ll just say, ok. But I’ll only say it once, so please stop doing this. Then one day, I said ok.
I was living in constant overwhelm and frustration. Our home needed maintenance and he refused to talk to me about it, or about finances. When I gave up trying to manage it all myself, I knew I had to leave. I loved the life we created but it was a sinking ship. Also, he drank a lot, and I constantly worried about that too.
Not me, but family friend and his wife couldn’t agree on literally anything. Going over to their house was like walking, willing, into a mine field. Everything from what the other person was wearing to what was for dinner or even basic things like whether or not to turn the oven on was treated like some sort of massive fight that lasted hours. They constantly wondered why no one wanted to come over or only wanted to hang out with them one at a time.
I’m not divorced but my parents recently divorced after like 45 years. He was always just like, super self-centered and inconsiderate, and like lots of weaponized incompetence crap. He would also like, give every dinner she made a rating?? he was also just in general extremely difficult to live with. Talked on the phone really loud, played his TV really loud (and he was always watching tv), kind of lowkey a hoarder, and always had to be the one to decide on activities. I was advocating for divorce for like a decade.
What finally did it, though, was COVID. He just didn’t care about being safe. He kept going out to eat and stuff, and wouldn’t wash his hands after going to the bathroom even in the before times. One day, they were arguing about it, and he said to her “I hope you get it.” And that is what she says did it.
My mom, not me but her ex husband wrapped their car around a tree driving home drunk, crawled to the front step, and passed out on it. She stepped over him to get to work and came home with divorce papers that day.
Thank god he was her first husband and not my dad.
Not me personally, but my parents. My dad was an over the road truck driver, and over time, my parents grew apart. They had a big fight and my dad threatened to commit suicide if my mom left him. He had done the same before and it worked. Not this time. Mom left the house to her mom’s house next door. Us kids had already retreated to grand.a’s house to escape the fighting. Mom came in and called the cops. We spent the next 3 hours watching the local sheriff surround our house and watching as deputies loaded shotguns preparing to dig my dad out of the house. He had locked himself in the house and was sitting in front of a big picture window in his bedroom holding his rifle. Negotiators were finally able to talk him out. He spent the weekend in the mental ward while mom packed her bags and left the country.
Their marriage ended that weekend. Less than a week before my 15th birthday. 30 years later and they still can’t talk civilly with each other.
Not married but may as well shoulda been. Teenage sweethearts into our midish late 20s.
I watched mental illness and depression creep and evolve. A very talented woman, incredible writing skills, great chef, open to all hobbies.
Started off as leaving a job to find something more suitable, into new jobs not being held for very long periods of time, to constantly sleeping, not wanting to leave the house or go for our evening trail bike rides.
It was like the person you knew just died, I put up with it for almost 2 years. From our teenage shenanigans to our early 20s adapting. I’m appreciative I got to do it with my best friend.
It’s been over a year and me this big bad scary dude is what I’ve been told I look like, occasionally cry into my pillow like a b****. She told me she wanted to live her 20s since she never got to, unfortunately whenever that spiral ends and she realizes she’s not 21 anymore I’ll probably be long moved on. I’m at the age now where if I don’t start a family in the next 1-3 years I’m going to be an old parent by the time my kids are in high school.
Dead bedroom, I tried everything but over years she slowly did less and less in the bedroom. Finally I thought why suffer. I didn’t want my children to suffer a divorce but I also didn’t want to feel like a prisoner my whole life
The last couple’s counselling session. She basically blamed me and my family non stop, played victim, and didn’t accept any of her mistakes. And placed the responsibility of solving everything on me.
‘me’ was the only word I heard throughout. There was no ‘us’ the whole time.
Worst bday for me, but I’m glad it dissolved whatever hopes I had held to work things out.
Better to be single and miserable than married and lonely.
I’m going through a divorce at the moment… In general, it was depression. She couldn’t deal with some things that happened in her life and fell into a pit of sadness. I tried to help as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough.
Coming home constantly to a starving child crying for food while mommy is playing on her phone. The diaper is unchanged, the child has bruises where she has fallen or hurt herself due to no supervision.
Yes depression was an issue, but how much medication and therapy do you wait for a mother to actually want to take care of her child ?
Yeah, people don’t seem to Understand the question. It isn’t “Why did you get divorced?” it’s “what was THE FINAL STRAW?”
“Constantly doing such and such” or “they were an alcoholic” doesn’t exactly say the breaking point, which is sometimes what people are interested in/need to hear.
For my parents, my dad was an alcoholic. My mom put up with it for many years and in some ways figured out very early on in the relationship. But the final straw was literally drinking an entire bottle she had been saving for herself to drink with an old friend who was visiting and then hitting on said friend that very night while obliterated. Done after 25 years.
I was an adult, and they’re actually still friends, but it still makes me a little sad.
Not me, her. I spent a lot of everything trying to get her better, and it only got worse. It was hopeless. With it came a lot of fighting, frustrations, and toxicity, so I’m glad that it ended up in divorce and not an episode on ID.
We just could not stand being in a relationship with each other. We were total opposites. Married way too young and didn’t spend enough time getting to know each other.
It took us a while to realize it, because when we were separated and there was no pressure and we would just hang out, everything was good. Then we’d get back together and couldn’t stand each other again.
The last straw was when he hid our car keys so I couldn’t get to work – basically just one more in a long series of things he’d do so he’d have a reason to scream at me (in this case, waking him up). He told me that it was his car and that he’d rather kill himself than spend one second longer with me. So I packed a bag, left the house, cried the entire day at work, and never went back.
They talked us through the relationship and asked what I liked about her and I realised it was nothing. We had nothing in common and didn’t want the same thing. Walked out of counselling and moved out that evening.
Ex was always dismissive of me & my feelings. We had been married 10 years. One day at couples counseling he said he felt more connected with his nieces and nephews than he felt to our three kids. He felt that way. He had met his nieces & nephews maybe 3 times. I heard an audible click. I started sobbing because I understood in that moment I was done.
He moved to another state. He hasn’t seen our kids or his nieces and nephews in three years.
That I “have no id.” I have no idea what she meant by that (she is a therapist too, and had recently graduated).
Demanded I be more emotionally open but then consistently denied what I was expressing were genuine emotions. Maybe she wanted me to quote her textbooks?
That she did not marry me for love but figured I would be a kind husband and a good dad. She decided it wasn’t enough so, she was done (she did say I was a good husband and a great dad, just didn’t like me).
All in all, I think that she saw someone she could use for her own ends. When she didn’t need me for things like rent, groceries, etc. anymore she threw me away and said as much.
Him and his family were financially and emotionally abusive. Final straw was that he was gay and kept acting like I was too ugly. Like I was the problem.
Ex was self medicated bipolar and borderline personality. Falling deeper and deeper into her addiction and mental illnesses. She was convinced she was the normal one and me and the 2 kids were the problem. Kids have grown up and are productive members of society. Im married to a wonderful loving wife now. Haven’t seen or heard from ex in 21 years. Kids haven’t seen or heard from her in 5+ years.
He was super into holidays and little celebrations but blew off my birthday and spent it with his brother playing basketball. Bought me a present on the way home. I made a lemon cake from scratch while he was gone and didn’t tell him.
Long-term, he never cooked, had stopped doing housework, and had become a financial drain. He started asking when we were going to have kids. I realized I couldn’t talk to him like a good friend because he was judgemental and we were too different. It had been a pretty happy marriage, but he implied I’d cheated all over his Facebook feed as soon as he realized I wasn’t taking him back.
She refused to fix her mental health even tho she realized what a problem it created for her and me.
I couldn’t keep propping up the marriage with the idea that she would eventually fix her mental health it turned into I’ll do it later but not right now because of xyz to I give up I’m not fixing anything it’s your fault I’m this way.
My mom divorced my dad because he had serious anger issues to deal with as he entered into sobriety, which he took out verbally on us as very small children. My dad eventually chilled out and I adore both of my parents, they get along like good friends and still have a lot of love for one another. My mom has expressed to me she wishes she held on and didn’t divorce my dad. That was tough to hear, especially since both of their spouses after each other were exceedingly abusive to us kids.
Does catching gonorrhea at a glory hole and becoming dramatically ill with it months later and then going to extreme lengths to hide the truth of his illness count? I mean, to be perfectly honest, it wasn’t the glory hole that bothered me the most. So I guess the last straw was all of the mountains and walls of lies and deception he built to hide it.
He just didn’t love me. Part of me thinks he didn’t love me for most of the years we were together. Once I noticed he felt awkward even touching me, it was done. I had tried for years to figure out what was going on with our marriage. In the end, the simplest reason is that maybe he thought he loved me at one point, but he didn’t want to keep the love alive and keep our marriage together. He didn’t even want to try.
We’re not divorced yet but have been separated for some time. Things weren’t great for a while, but what killed any remaining love from me, was the fact he was making cryptic posts to Instagram counting the days since we had last had sex. He thought he was being so clever, but other people knew what he was referencing and asked me about it. After being humiliated like that, I could no longer justify the other negative things.
I spent hours cooking his favourite meal and dessert (at his request), while cleaning/tidying up, straight after getting home from working for 12 hours. He was between jobs at the time. I served dinner, sat down and he pointed out that I forgot to get the drinks. I told him I’m exhausted and too tired to get back up. He said no problem, got up, poured his own drink and sat back down. I asked where is my drink and he said in a sarcastic tone “I’m too tired to get back up”, then proceeded to enjoy his meal. I realised in that moment that I deserved much better.
He did cheat. But ultimately I divorced him because he wasn’t willing to be the kind of husband I deserved, especially after I forgave him for cheating. I spent 3 years begging him to be an equal partner in the relationship, and he just couldn’t manage it for any sustained time.
He was a drug addicted, narcissistic, verbally abusive emotional child who said nothing but lies. Last straw was when the landlord showed up on the doorstep and told me we were 2 months behind on rent. The ex spent it on drugs and still had a tab to pay with the dealer.
Figured it would be cheaper to raise 3 kids on my own. I was right. Much more peaceful as well.
My ex-wife blames our divorce on my gambling “addiction”! No I’m not in denial, but I do like to go play poker a couple of times a week. I was a stay at home dad and I took care of our 3 kids (3, 9, and 11) while my wife worked. I get them ready for school. Take them to school and pick them up after. Kids were always fed and did their homework. My youngest is 3 and he’s more than a handful so taking care of him and making sure he doesn’t hurt himself or tear up the house was a lot of work. She was oblivious of that fact and expected me to keep looking after him when she came home from work. I told her that she needed to help out and not just watch tv when she got home. I wasn’t dumping all the duties on her cause I was still doing things for our other 2 kids. Anyway, her constant complaining and nagging about me not doing anything caused a lot of arguments. I decided that I didn’t want to argue with her anymore and when she got home from work, I would go play poker. I guess that pissed her off more and reinforced her belief that I was a gambling addict.
We’ve been divorced for almost a year now and we try to keep it civil for the kids. I’m happier without her and have gone back to poker 2 nights a week 😂. I play for the entertainment of the game and I’m never itching to go play.
He told me he wanted kids soon. We physically fought all the time, screamed at each other, he was an addict who drove while high every weekend, and he’d just quit his good job. Yeah, great nurturing environment for children. I couldn’t have run out of there any faster (I was looking for an excuse, it was just what I needed).
I found a job i loved and started making friends. I realized when i wanted to see a friend of mine but i didnt want to see or talk to my own husband that was working out of town at the time, something was wrong. That I wasnt happy. So i left. I later realized he is a narcasisst! And i broke out of it!
For me there was no one last straw. It was all the straws piled up and their dead weight. One more or one less would not have made a difference.
What it took was when my need to get out of the relationship was stronger than my fear of “what if” I did. I finally said fuck it, threw my wedding band in the creek, decided I can do this one step at a time, even if I don’t know what those steps are. Went home and got started on the process.
Not married but in a relationship for 8 years. I asked time and time again for help around the house and it would change for a week but never stick. Then the kicker was COVID, I was working from home full time and doing everything, he got furlough and sat on his arse and did NOTHING. I told him I’m not his mum and I’m not wasting any more of my life on him.
Not me but my parents. Dad was always an abusive alcoholic. Runs in the family, but the big thing that caused the divorce wass that he was closeted gay and had been cheating on her for years with multiple men. They only got married because she was pregnant with me, and obviously he wasn’t out. That was the 70s in rural Kentucky. She’s pregnant at 18 so they got married.
Flash forward many years later, Dad and his partner have been together for 35 years, and we have a decent relationship now. Not great but good. Mom still hates him.
So not just cheating, I’d we’re sticking to the rules of this topic.
I figured out I was transgender, she figured out that wasn’t something she was interested in, it ended very amicably, arguably we’re better friends now for it.
Phone a few times a month, lend each other money when needed, I even stayed at her place for half a year once when I was homeless.
Ironically the only reason I’m not going to be her maid of honor is because it’s super hard to help plan a wedding when you live 5000 miles away.
We had told me that he owned his house, which I never questioned. I moved in and then we got engaged. Right before the wedding he looked to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown so I asked what was up. Finally he confessed that not only was the house NOT his but also that he had failed to pay the mortgage payments to his aging and ill father. And we had been paying on all the wedding stuff. This would explain his family’s weird vibes around me- they are not well-off at all. The wedding was in a few months so we went ahead with it. Then he lost his job not long after. I got a great job offer that would cover all our expenses and provide great health insurance. It was in another city but he agreed and was even excited. A month before the move I realized he had no intention of ever moving. In that conversation he admitted as much with a shrug. Once again I stayed with him, but the distance between us was intraversible by that point, and we separated two months later. Divorce finalized 2 1/2 years after the wedding.
Even when we weren’t fighting, we weren’t nice to each other. I got numb. I stopped snapping back and just listened to what he said. It didn’t take long to realize I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life hearing “can you fucking get out of the way, I’m making toast!” First thing in the morning.
She started hanging out with some wannabe rich obnoxious and self absorbed people. And i refused to hangout with those people. We started fighting because of it, she wanted me to accept her new friends, and I would not do it, and broke up with her once I realized she was gravitating much more towards them. And refused to listen to my warnings about them. Two years later, she called saying I was right about them, and that she should have listed to me, and wanted to get back together, but that was too late already
When we were in couples therapy and they yelled out at me, “I thought we were just here to work on your stuff!” and soon after in a subsequent session proudly admitting to the couples therapist how good of a problem solving they are “I can figure out just about anything I really want to.” Like those were his exact words at the end of our session (in reference to a personal hobb of his); in the same session he spent the first 30 mins listing reasons why he struggled to plan something (literally anything) for my birthday.
A friend’s husband thought taking digs at her in front of others was funny, and would tell her it was just a joke to loosen up. One day we were at a holiday party, and a teacher told my friend’s husband that their son looked just like him. The idiot said “I don’t know if he is mine. A man can never be sure,” it was the early 90s. My friend told him if he ever said anything about their son not being his again, she would divorce him. A couple of months later, we were at a birthday party and someone told the husband that his son could be his clone. The idiot reply “We don’t know for certain he is mine.” My friend kept her cool and didn’t say a word.
Three days later she met with her attorney and filed for divorce. Her husband was bewildered when he received notice of the divorce filing. He was begging her to see a marriage counselor and said he would do anything to get her back. She told him that she warned him if he ever said their son wasn’t his, she would divorce him and she meant it.
She married a great guy a few years later and the ex has been married, and divorced, three more times since she divorced him.
He took pictures of me asleep half naked without my consent and I found them looking at pictures of his cat and scrolling too far. I tried to make it work but I could never trust him the same way.
The last straw came after months of mental health issues, that he was refusing to try to treat. Several institutionalizations, hiding medications instead of taking them, going through a period of extreme poverty from only existing on my meager income while he laid in bed watching tv and smoking pot 24/7 becoming more and more paranoid, all culminating in him destroying our bedroom in a freak out, and then racking a shotgun at me.
I tackled him, and held him on the floor for twenty minutes while he screamed and writhed, and his brother- my best friend in the world, took the gun out of his hands.
When the cops removed him, I realized I couldn’t continue to try anymore. All the love in the world could not hold us together. He was sick, and he did not want to heal. I was destroying my own mental health trying to help him. He left me nearly destitute, but I’ve rebuilt my life slowly, paid off everything, and I’m hoping the future is brighter.
After 30 years of emotional and financial abuse, I FINALLY got tired of it. The final straw was when we had a contractor come out and I started interacting with him about the work to be done. My ex looked at me and yelled “I’LL HANDLE THIS!”
The contractor looked uncomfortable and soon left. I was humiliated.
I was also done with the entire cluster fuck. It cost me half of my inheritance, but it was worth it.
Comments
Alcoholism
Despite nearly a year of communicating my concerns and expressing how the unresolved issues were affecting my feelings, he continued to ignore the smaller but significant problems. Over time, the lack of effort led to growing resentment and frustration. Eventually, I reached my limit and decided to end the relationship.
no communication during therapy was the last straw = time for a divorce
There were two other factors that we’re not tolerable but I did tolerate them longer than I should have, but you asked for the last straw
Constant controlling from my wife.
A friend said:
MISMANAGEMENT OF FINANCES.
cancer
Their scent.
He was abusive
Came home and she was smoking in the damn apartment again. Don’t know why, but that was it. (1st wife). (Married 25 years so far to second!)
Divorcing, but she came out as a lesbian.
Alcoholism, which turned into abuse, and then pretending nothing ever happened and everything was fine. Not listening to anything when I would communicate my feelings and what was bothering me.
LYING
not me but my mom ultimately divorced my father after about 20 years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse (he was a heavy alcoholic), needless to say i had to experience those things too on a daily basis and actually i was the one to scream some sense into her to finally divorce
Not a divorce, but a break up. She kept buying the store brand generic yellow mustard 🟡 when I asked her countless times not to purchase that inferior product that masquerades as a high quality condiment.
He said as a threat, “maybe we should get a divorce.” I said, “I agree. Let’s do it.”
It was one of his go-to things to say when we had disagreements and I got sick of it. If we had not had 4 young children, I’d have done it the first time.
Abusing me while drunk on a weekly basis. Breaking up with me all the time while drunk, and then me having to fix it all the next day. I told her, every time you do this you push me away a little bit more. One day you’ll try to break up with me as usual, and I’ll just say, ok. But I’ll only say it once, so please stop doing this. Then one day, I said ok.
Endless pointless arguing on the most trivial of things…
I was living in constant overwhelm and frustration. Our home needed maintenance and he refused to talk to me about it, or about finances. When I gave up trying to manage it all myself, I knew I had to leave. I loved the life we created but it was a sinking ship. Also, he drank a lot, and I constantly worried about that too.
When he left a wet a towel on the bed for the 112th time?
Not me, but family friend and his wife couldn’t agree on literally anything. Going over to their house was like walking, willing, into a mine field. Everything from what the other person was wearing to what was for dinner or even basic things like whether or not to turn the oven on was treated like some sort of massive fight that lasted hours. They constantly wondered why no one wanted to come over or only wanted to hang out with them one at a time.
I’m not divorced but my parents recently divorced after like 45 years. He was always just like, super self-centered and inconsiderate, and like lots of weaponized incompetence crap. He would also like, give every dinner she made a rating?? he was also just in general extremely difficult to live with. Talked on the phone really loud, played his TV really loud (and he was always watching tv), kind of lowkey a hoarder, and always had to be the one to decide on activities. I was advocating for divorce for like a decade.
What finally did it, though, was COVID. He just didn’t care about being safe. He kept going out to eat and stuff, and wouldn’t wash his hands after going to the bathroom even in the before times. One day, they were arguing about it, and he said to her “I hope you get it.” And that is what she says did it.
She snorted our mortgage, car payment, credit card payments, and lied about it all. Then she tried to kill her self to make me stay.
Cocaine at 6 am off the back of the toilet before work after he has assured me he flushed it all away and would never do coke again lmao
My mom, not me but her ex husband wrapped their car around a tree driving home drunk, crawled to the front step, and passed out on it. She stepped over him to get to work and came home with divorce papers that day.
Thank god he was her first husband and not my dad.
Not me personally, but my parents. My dad was an over the road truck driver, and over time, my parents grew apart. They had a big fight and my dad threatened to commit suicide if my mom left him. He had done the same before and it worked. Not this time. Mom left the house to her mom’s house next door. Us kids had already retreated to grand.a’s house to escape the fighting. Mom came in and called the cops. We spent the next 3 hours watching the local sheriff surround our house and watching as deputies loaded shotguns preparing to dig my dad out of the house. He had locked himself in the house and was sitting in front of a big picture window in his bedroom holding his rifle. Negotiators were finally able to talk him out. He spent the weekend in the mental ward while mom packed her bags and left the country.
Their marriage ended that weekend. Less than a week before my 15th birthday. 30 years later and they still can’t talk civilly with each other.
He threatened to kill me with his mom’s urn so it was pretty much over after that.
Child abuse.
Not married but may as well shoulda been. Teenage sweethearts into our midish late 20s.
I watched mental illness and depression creep and evolve. A very talented woman, incredible writing skills, great chef, open to all hobbies.
Started off as leaving a job to find something more suitable, into new jobs not being held for very long periods of time, to constantly sleeping, not wanting to leave the house or go for our evening trail bike rides.
It was like the person you knew just died, I put up with it for almost 2 years. From our teenage shenanigans to our early 20s adapting. I’m appreciative I got to do it with my best friend.
It’s been over a year and me this big bad scary dude is what I’ve been told I look like, occasionally cry into my pillow like a b****. She told me she wanted to live her 20s since she never got to, unfortunately whenever that spiral ends and she realizes she’s not 21 anymore I’ll probably be long moved on. I’m at the age now where if I don’t start a family in the next 1-3 years I’m going to be an old parent by the time my kids are in high school.
Dead bedroom, I tried everything but over years she slowly did less and less in the bedroom. Finally I thought why suffer. I didn’t want my children to suffer a divorce but I also didn’t want to feel like a prisoner my whole life
The last couple’s counselling session. She basically blamed me and my family non stop, played victim, and didn’t accept any of her mistakes. And placed the responsibility of solving everything on me.
‘me’ was the only word I heard throughout. There was no ‘us’ the whole time.
Worst bday for me, but I’m glad it dissolved whatever hopes I had held to work things out.
Better to be single and miserable than married and lonely.
I’m going through a divorce at the moment… In general, it was depression. She couldn’t deal with some things that happened in her life and fell into a pit of sadness. I tried to help as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough.
Child neglect
Coming home constantly to a starving child crying for food while mommy is playing on her phone. The diaper is unchanged, the child has bruises where she has fallen or hurt herself due to no supervision.
Yes depression was an issue, but how much medication and therapy do you wait for a mother to actually want to take care of her child ?
Yeah, people don’t seem to Understand the question. It isn’t “Why did you get divorced?” it’s “what was THE FINAL STRAW?”
“Constantly doing such and such” or “they were an alcoholic” doesn’t exactly say the breaking point, which is sometimes what people are interested in/need to hear.
For my parents, my dad was an alcoholic. My mom put up with it for many years and in some ways figured out very early on in the relationship. But the final straw was literally drinking an entire bottle she had been saving for herself to drink with an old friend who was visiting and then hitting on said friend that very night while obliterated. Done after 25 years.
I was an adult, and they’re actually still friends, but it still makes me a little sad.
Alcoholism.
Not me, her. I spent a lot of everything trying to get her better, and it only got worse. It was hopeless. With it came a lot of fighting, frustrations, and toxicity, so I’m glad that it ended up in divorce and not an episode on ID.
We just could not stand being in a relationship with each other. We were total opposites. Married way too young and didn’t spend enough time getting to know each other.
It took us a while to realize it, because when we were separated and there was no pressure and we would just hang out, everything was good. Then we’d get back together and couldn’t stand each other again.
Narc abuse – refused therapy
The last straw was when he hid our car keys so I couldn’t get to work – basically just one more in a long series of things he’d do so he’d have a reason to scream at me (in this case, waking him up). He told me that it was his car and that he’d rather kill himself than spend one second longer with me. So I packed a bag, left the house, cried the entire day at work, and never went back.
Being more of a mother to him than a wife is what did it for me. And being a mamas boy and running to mommy when things don’t go his way.
She used to hit me and otherwise abuse me in front of my kid.
Marriage guidance counselling.
They talked us through the relationship and asked what I liked about her and I realised it was nothing. We had nothing in common and didn’t want the same thing. Walked out of counselling and moved out that evening.
When I told him I haven’t been healed from how he used to verbally abuse me and he dismissed me and said I should’ve been over it by then.
Inability to rebuild trust
Ex was always dismissive of me & my feelings. We had been married 10 years. One day at couples counseling he said he felt more connected with his nieces and nephews than he felt to our three kids. He felt that way. He had met his nieces & nephews maybe 3 times. I heard an audible click. I started sobbing because I understood in that moment I was done.
He moved to another state. He hasn’t seen our kids or his nieces and nephews in three years.
My ex cited a few things:
That I “have no id.” I have no idea what she meant by that (she is a therapist too, and had recently graduated).
Demanded I be more emotionally open but then consistently denied what I was expressing were genuine emotions. Maybe she wanted me to quote her textbooks?
That she did not marry me for love but figured I would be a kind husband and a good dad. She decided it wasn’t enough so, she was done (she did say I was a good husband and a great dad, just didn’t like me).
All in all, I think that she saw someone she could use for her own ends. When she didn’t need me for things like rent, groceries, etc. anymore she threw me away and said as much.
she wouldn’t get a job. no drive. we hadnt dated long enough and i knew i could get out then but not later.
Him and his family were financially and emotionally abusive. Final straw was that he was gay and kept acting like I was too ugly. Like I was the problem.
Ex was self medicated bipolar and borderline personality. Falling deeper and deeper into her addiction and mental illnesses. She was convinced she was the normal one and me and the 2 kids were the problem. Kids have grown up and are productive members of society. Im married to a wonderful loving wife now. Haven’t seen or heard from ex in 21 years. Kids haven’t seen or heard from her in 5+ years.
He was super into holidays and little celebrations but blew off my birthday and spent it with his brother playing basketball. Bought me a present on the way home. I made a lemon cake from scratch while he was gone and didn’t tell him.
Long-term, he never cooked, had stopped doing housework, and had become a financial drain. He started asking when we were going to have kids. I realized I couldn’t talk to him like a good friend because he was judgemental and we were too different. It had been a pretty happy marriage, but he implied I’d cheated all over his Facebook feed as soon as he realized I wasn’t taking him back.
She refused to fix her mental health even tho she realized what a problem it created for her and me.
I couldn’t keep propping up the marriage with the idea that she would eventually fix her mental health it turned into I’ll do it later but not right now because of xyz to I give up I’m not fixing anything it’s your fault I’m this way.
I called it quits and she agreed.
She tried to baby trap me
My mom divorced my dad because he had serious anger issues to deal with as he entered into sobriety, which he took out verbally on us as very small children. My dad eventually chilled out and I adore both of my parents, they get along like good friends and still have a lot of love for one another. My mom has expressed to me she wishes she held on and didn’t divorce my dad. That was tough to hear, especially since both of their spouses after each other were exceedingly abusive to us kids.
You’re just ugly on the inside absolutely gorgeous on the outside, but it’s the inside that counts
Does catching gonorrhea at a glory hole and becoming dramatically ill with it months later and then going to extreme lengths to hide the truth of his illness count? I mean, to be perfectly honest, it wasn’t the glory hole that bothered me the most. So I guess the last straw was all of the mountains and walls of lies and deception he built to hide it.
He just didn’t love me. Part of me thinks he didn’t love me for most of the years we were together. Once I noticed he felt awkward even touching me, it was done. I had tried for years to figure out what was going on with our marriage. In the end, the simplest reason is that maybe he thought he loved me at one point, but he didn’t want to keep the love alive and keep our marriage together. He didn’t even want to try.
We’re not divorced yet but have been separated for some time. Things weren’t great for a while, but what killed any remaining love from me, was the fact he was making cryptic posts to Instagram counting the days since we had last had sex. He thought he was being so clever, but other people knew what he was referencing and asked me about it. After being humiliated like that, I could no longer justify the other negative things.
I spent hours cooking his favourite meal and dessert (at his request), while cleaning/tidying up, straight after getting home from working for 12 hours. He was between jobs at the time. I served dinner, sat down and he pointed out that I forgot to get the drinks. I told him I’m exhausted and too tired to get back up. He said no problem, got up, poured his own drink and sat back down. I asked where is my drink and he said in a sarcastic tone “I’m too tired to get back up”, then proceeded to enjoy his meal. I realised in that moment that I deserved much better.
He did cheat. But ultimately I divorced him because he wasn’t willing to be the kind of husband I deserved, especially after I forgave him for cheating. I spent 3 years begging him to be an equal partner in the relationship, and he just couldn’t manage it for any sustained time.
He was a drug addicted, narcissistic, verbally abusive emotional child who said nothing but lies. Last straw was when the landlord showed up on the doorstep and told me we were 2 months behind on rent. The ex spent it on drugs and still had a tab to pay with the dealer.
Figured it would be cheaper to raise 3 kids on my own. I was right. Much more peaceful as well.
Borderline Personality Disorder
The horse.
money… my money is her money and her money is her money..
routinely transferred every dollar in our joint account into her personal bank account.
Then proceed to blame me for not earning enough..
Gambling – so she says
My ex-wife blames our divorce on my gambling “addiction”! No I’m not in denial, but I do like to go play poker a couple of times a week. I was a stay at home dad and I took care of our 3 kids (3, 9, and 11) while my wife worked. I get them ready for school. Take them to school and pick them up after. Kids were always fed and did their homework. My youngest is 3 and he’s more than a handful so taking care of him and making sure he doesn’t hurt himself or tear up the house was a lot of work. She was oblivious of that fact and expected me to keep looking after him when she came home from work. I told her that she needed to help out and not just watch tv when she got home. I wasn’t dumping all the duties on her cause I was still doing things for our other 2 kids. Anyway, her constant complaining and nagging about me not doing anything caused a lot of arguments. I decided that I didn’t want to argue with her anymore and when she got home from work, I would go play poker. I guess that pissed her off more and reinforced her belief that I was a gambling addict.
We’ve been divorced for almost a year now and we try to keep it civil for the kids. I’m happier without her and have gone back to poker 2 nights a week 😂. I play for the entertainment of the game and I’m never itching to go play.
He told me he wanted kids soon. We physically fought all the time, screamed at each other, he was an addict who drove while high every weekend, and he’d just quit his good job. Yeah, great nurturing environment for children. I couldn’t have run out of there any faster (I was looking for an excuse, it was just what I needed).
I found a job i loved and started making friends. I realized when i wanted to see a friend of mine but i didnt want to see or talk to my own husband that was working out of town at the time, something was wrong. That I wasnt happy. So i left. I later realized he is a narcasisst! And i broke out of it!
He’s a pedophile.
Dead bedroom, I wasn’t honest with myself. Should never have got married,
For me there was no one last straw. It was all the straws piled up and their dead weight. One more or one less would not have made a difference.
What it took was when my need to get out of the relationship was stronger than my fear of “what if” I did. I finally said fuck it, threw my wedding band in the creek, decided I can do this one step at a time, even if I don’t know what those steps are. Went home and got started on the process.
Not married but in a relationship for 8 years. I asked time and time again for help around the house and it would change for a week but never stick. Then the kicker was COVID, I was working from home full time and doing everything, he got furlough and sat on his arse and did NOTHING. I told him I’m not his mum and I’m not wasting any more of my life on him.
Not me but my parents. Dad was always an abusive alcoholic. Runs in the family, but the big thing that caused the divorce wass that he was closeted gay and had been cheating on her for years with multiple men. They only got married because she was pregnant with me, and obviously he wasn’t out. That was the 70s in rural Kentucky. She’s pregnant at 18 so they got married.
Flash forward many years later, Dad and his partner have been together for 35 years, and we have a decent relationship now. Not great but good. Mom still hates him.
So not just cheating, I’d we’re sticking to the rules of this topic.
Disrespect, unappreciative, insults, and being taken for granted.
Im gonna have to go with the fact that he almost killed me during a domestic dispute.
Cause I have unresolved childhood issues. I can’t blame her. 2 types of pain in this world…..
Mental illness
MAGA
I figured out I was transgender, she figured out that wasn’t something she was interested in, it ended very amicably, arguably we’re better friends now for it.
Phone a few times a month, lend each other money when needed, I even stayed at her place for half a year once when I was homeless.
Ironically the only reason I’m not going to be her maid of honor is because it’s super hard to help plan a wedding when you live 5000 miles away.
We had told me that he owned his house, which I never questioned. I moved in and then we got engaged. Right before the wedding he looked to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown so I asked what was up. Finally he confessed that not only was the house NOT his but also that he had failed to pay the mortgage payments to his aging and ill father. And we had been paying on all the wedding stuff. This would explain his family’s weird vibes around me- they are not well-off at all. The wedding was in a few months so we went ahead with it. Then he lost his job not long after. I got a great job offer that would cover all our expenses and provide great health insurance. It was in another city but he agreed and was even excited. A month before the move I realized he had no intention of ever moving. In that conversation he admitted as much with a shrug. Once again I stayed with him, but the distance between us was intraversible by that point, and we separated two months later. Divorce finalized 2 1/2 years after the wedding.
Even when we weren’t fighting, we weren’t nice to each other. I got numb. I stopped snapping back and just listened to what he said. It didn’t take long to realize I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life hearing “can you fucking get out of the way, I’m making toast!” First thing in the morning.
Drinking is Fun until it is not
She started hanging out with some wannabe rich obnoxious and self absorbed people. And i refused to hangout with those people. We started fighting because of it, she wanted me to accept her new friends, and I would not do it, and broke up with her once I realized she was gravitating much more towards them. And refused to listen to my warnings about them. Two years later, she called saying I was right about them, and that she should have listed to me, and wanted to get back together, but that was too late already
r/deadbedrooms
When I realized it was either me or the marriage
When we were in couples therapy and they yelled out at me, “I thought we were just here to work on your stuff!” and soon after in a subsequent session proudly admitting to the couples therapist how good of a problem solving they are “I can figure out just about anything I really want to.” Like those were his exact words at the end of our session (in reference to a personal hobb of his); in the same session he spent the first 30 mins listing reasons why he struggled to plan something (literally anything) for my birthday.
She was training my daughter to be an alcoholic narcissist
A friend’s husband thought taking digs at her in front of others was funny, and would tell her it was just a joke to loosen up. One day we were at a holiday party, and a teacher told my friend’s husband that their son looked just like him. The idiot said “I don’t know if he is mine. A man can never be sure,” it was the early 90s. My friend told him if he ever said anything about their son not being his again, she would divorce him. A couple of months later, we were at a birthday party and someone told the husband that his son could be his clone. The idiot reply “We don’t know for certain he is mine.” My friend kept her cool and didn’t say a word.
Three days later she met with her attorney and filed for divorce. Her husband was bewildered when he received notice of the divorce filing. He was begging her to see a marriage counselor and said he would do anything to get her back. She told him that she warned him if he ever said their son wasn’t his, she would divorce him and she meant it.
She married a great guy a few years later and the ex has been married, and divorced, three more times since she divorced him.
He took pictures of me asleep half naked without my consent and I found them looking at pictures of his cat and scrolling too far. I tried to make it work but I could never trust him the same way.
The last straw came after months of mental health issues, that he was refusing to try to treat. Several institutionalizations, hiding medications instead of taking them, going through a period of extreme poverty from only existing on my meager income while he laid in bed watching tv and smoking pot 24/7 becoming more and more paranoid, all culminating in him destroying our bedroom in a freak out, and then racking a shotgun at me.
I tackled him, and held him on the floor for twenty minutes while he screamed and writhed, and his brother- my best friend in the world, took the gun out of his hands.
When the cops removed him, I realized I couldn’t continue to try anymore. All the love in the world could not hold us together. He was sick, and he did not want to heal. I was destroying my own mental health trying to help him. He left me nearly destitute, but I’ve rebuilt my life slowly, paid off everything, and I’m hoping the future is brighter.
After 30 years of emotional and financial abuse, I FINALLY got tired of it. The final straw was when we had a contractor come out and I started interacting with him about the work to be done. My ex looked at me and yelled “I’LL HANDLE THIS!”
The contractor looked uncomfortable and soon left. I was humiliated.
I was also done with the entire cluster fuck. It cost me half of my inheritance, but it was worth it.
May I ask – did anything further happen after that? Were any charges laid? When did you see him?
Just an inability to communicate and resolve hurt feelings
Domestic violence