I am 26 years old (I know too young), but recently I’ve been wondering whether or not I should have kids. I actually really want kids, but deep down I feel like the only reason I’m interested in having kids is because of selfish reasons, basically I want them to add more meaning to my life and in a way live through them.
So I was wondering for people who chose not to have kids, what was your reasoning, how did it turn out for you and do you feel any regrets?
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I’m not old enough to have kids yet, but I definitely know I don’t want them. The reason is that I truly wouldn’t love them and would view them as a burden. I have autism and need things in set places, and I know kids would ruin it. I also have dreams of being a K-pop idol, meaning it’d make work a lot harder so all in all, it’s not sensible for me to have kids
If you want kids then you should have them, and I don’t think 26 is too young, assuming you’re in a stable situation
No money
There’s no such thing as anything selfless
26 years old is not too young to have kids. Who gave you that information? By the time you are 30 your eggs will be drying out. That means in 4 years. By age 35 it will be harder to conceive. Age 35 pregnancy is considered high risk pregnancy. Actually starting at age 30. The reasons that you mentioned are not selfish reasons. Having my daughter is my biggest accomplishment. Whatever selfish reason you may have to want a child will turn into selflessness once you become a mother. Your question is for women who choose not to have kids but I just had to comment to let you know that it’s a personal decision that only you know if having a child is right for you or not.
Have kids or don’t it’s up to you but the world isn’t getting any easier. I never wanted kids nor did my partner so I got a vasectomy and it has worked out great. I love being childless.
You are not too young to know at 26. I knew when I was 14 and despite adding 20+ years to that number I still feel the same way.
I have never had the desire. It’s simply never been there. I don’t think babies are any more cute than an adult, I think they smell HORRIBLE (this is a thing people tell me they like?!!) and I have always been repulsed by the idea of carrying a child in my own body.
Whatever pros there may be, they do not outweigh the cons for me.
I have nothing but respect for parents for being able to do the things that I could never do and will never do. I’m not a fan of the weirdly hateful childfree internet communities, but there are childfree resources you can read up on that might help sort those feelings out. At the very least, you may feel strongly in either direction after perusing other peoples takes and know better which path to take in life.
Money
Wasn’t confident I’d even be able to reliably take care of myself and did not want the burden, risk or responsibility of a child. Also (a bit selfishly) I want the freedom to do whatever I want, anytime I want for any reason I want,.. and having a child would prevent me from doing that.
To be fair though, I still have a Cat of almost 15 years. Have cleaned up much puke and shit over those years. Can’t really go anywhere or make any big life-decisions without involving her, so in some respects, I have kind of “raised a child”. Who squawks relentlessly at 430am for me to get up and feed her.
26 is not too young to have kids, not sure why anyone thinks this.
I had my first child at 26 that’s not too young it’s honestly probably the best time to start planing for kids.
I’m not even 2 years into parenthood but I have no regrets.
This country and the world is a shit show and I can’t imagine subjecting your own tiny person to it because “i want a baby.” I don’t like kids. I think pregnancy is gross (I’m a woman). I like sleep, money, and freedom. My parent friends are miserable. I’m selfish. Zero regrets. I get to spoil my niece and nephew without having to take care of them all the time. Wouldn’t have kids for all the money in the world. This is just my opinion.
Selfishness I have always been helping other pleasing other trying to meet there standards. Once I got up on my own feet and have money I decided I just can’t love anyone else anymore I’ve never gotten that love I’m just someone who provides. It’s made me become deeply selfish to the point I refuse to give it to anyone 🙂 I protect me peace and am very happy.
Because they are annoying and expensive.
Well, mainly because nobody wanted to have kids with me! The only time I got a girl pregnant she decided after over 5 months that she’d rather be with some drunk and aborted both me and the baby I guess.
Good on you for being reflective about this topic. If I were you I’d try thinking about if you’d still be happy if you had the kids and they didn’t meet the expectations that you have for your kids. For instance, if you feel like you want kids to add more meaning to your life, how would you feel if your kids shut themselves in their rooms 24/7, moved out at 18, and never spoke to you again? Would you still be happy you had them? Or if you feel like you might want to live through them, how would you feel if they didn’t share any of your interests or were super private and didn’t want to share their interests with you? Would you still be happy you’d had them? Ik that’s more black and white than it would actually be, but I think a lot of people I know had kids thinking they’re be a mini-me or they’d get to do a bunch of stuff they loved as a kid with them and then the kid turned out totally different from them. At the same time, some people have that drive to be a parent and would be happy no matter how their kids turned out (within reason lol). I’d try to examine it like that.
Also, if you have a partner, I’d consider if you think they’d be a good co-parent. There are some people who are excellent partners to each other but not good as parents together. If you don’t have a partner, consider if that’s something you want to take on as a single parent.
Either way I hope things work out for you <3
I don’t feel that I have any maternal instincts, I don’t want to go through pregnancy or childbirth. I can’t afford it. I don’t think I can tolerate the constant sound of a baby crying. The smell of dirty diapers makes me vomit. I could go on.
I have zero regrets. I alway knew it was what I wanted and I am constantly grateful that I got what I wanted. A lot of my friends didn’t have them either and feel the same as I do
I wasn’t willing to make the sacrifices it would take to raise kids how I think they should be raised. I didn’t have the financial prospects either.
I had a kid at 40…i would highly advise against doing this if you value freedom, traveling, and sleep…
When I was 21 my mother (who didn’t raise me) said she wished she’d never had kids and she told me I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to. It was a weight off my shoulders, I’d always felt like it was something I was expected to do, not something I wanted to do.
Now 53, childless, and don’t regret it one iota. Not everyone is born paternal, the thing to recognize that if it is genuinely something you want to do in your life. If yes, do it, if not, then don’t. There really is no right and wrong answer.
I can’t but if you decide to I know a few single friends that’ll put one in ya.. You probably just have to buy em drinks?
My wife and I are disabled as much as we want kids and she has a family history of gestational diabetes that turns into actual diabetes. So…yeah. Oh and no money, of course.
I just never wanted them.
Whatever pull it is that people feel, the urge to see parts of themselves in a tiny, new face, I don’t have that thing. Never did.
On top of that, I know from my idiot, parentifying family how much hard work goes into taking care of young children. It’s exhausting, expensive, and scary. You pour time, resources, energy, your very life into your children and they could still…get hit by a car. Get cancer and die. Being messing around doing something silly and get themself killed. I can’t imagine. I don’t want to imagine.
If you want to have children, you should first and foremost think about how you will feel if your child turns out nothing like what you thought they would. Can you still love them? Support them? Treat them with respect and care?
Can you support them financially? Are you emotionally healthy enough to get through newborn screaming, terrible two tantrumming, teenage assholery?
Can you walk the line between being there for your kids, but also being enough of a person for yourself that you don’t live out your unrealized dreams through your kids? So that you have life after your kids?
You should think of all of that before you decide.
Because I was raised by people who should never have procreated. Because I was abused and traumatised as a result. Because I was punished by society because of their choices and actions.
Because there isn’t universal healthcare. Because education isn’t free. Because housing isn’t a basic human right. Because of the cost of living crisis. Because food isn’t a basic human right.
I don’t think 26 is too young
I’ve simply just never wanted them. I don’t know if there necessarily needs to be a reason why someone doesn’t want to have kids. I just know that it’s never been something that’s appealed to me and I’m glad I haven’t compromised on that for any of my partners. It wouldn’t have been fair to anyone in that situation.