Non-parents can absolutely offer valuable parenting advice, even though this is often seen as an unpopular opinion. Parenting is complex, and insights come not only from firsthand experience but also from education, observation, and empathy. Many non-parents work closely with children or study child development, giving them practical knowledge that can benefit parents. The idea that only parents can understand parenting overlooks the value of outside perspectives and creates unnecessary gatekeeping around a shared human experience.
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And most of the times they have more parental sense than actual parents.
edit:love all the downvotes I’m getting from parents who are mad at the truth😅
I agree. All people were children at some point, so even those who do not work with children can have valuable advice.
Anyone can offer anything ever.
If you’ve never put your own advice into practice sorry buts it’s a hit hard to necessarily throw too much into it.
I respect your experience as a child of course and recognize a lot of red flags from elpeople I know who dontbhave kids
I am a very involved aunt to like 8 kids (more if you count friends’ kiddos who treat me as an aunt) I have helped many parents by being a sounding board and by reassuring them that things are normal and by occasionally offering advice. It drives me nuts when someone says I’m not a parent so I don’t understand something or can’t provide opinions. I see it first hand and because I don’t live it I have seen situations from many perspectives and seen what works and what doesn’t and even without that can be empathetic. So yes I agree with you.
No
It’s true, but we’d need to know that information before making that snap judgement of “ you don’t have kids so you don’t understand” I have no problem talking advice from others with kids or not because an out side perspective is and can be helpful. We do this with most things in life “gate keep” from people who may not have any first hand experience with it. Sometimes just listening to what they have to say could help or they don’t know what they are talking about, and you just say thank you and move on. 🤠😀
No amount of education can replace the experience and pure exhaustion of those first few months.
Very true. I agree! I work with kids and can see a lot of emotions their own parents can’t!
I can also see what a lot of children like and how to properly interact with them. Each child is different and I can’t always tell what they’re up to.
I agree that studying child development can aid in understanding parenting but every situation, every child, every parent, is different. Only the one who is actively involved in raising the child knows what works.
I can take your advice but I’ve been parenting for nearly 20 years, so it won’t be of much substance to me.
A lot of parents won’t like this one but its true. And the ones who think they are the “great parents” will be likely to be most vocal against this idea
Would someone who’s never trained a dog offer dog training advice?
Sure. Like I’ve never flown a helicopter. But if I saw one upsidedown in a tree I could confidently give you the advice to not fly it like that again.
Yeah, depending on what the specific advice you’re giving I’d say you should probably just mind your business and worry about your cats.
Also, being a parent doesn’t automatically make someone a good one. Even non-parents who give mediocre parenting advice can often offer value to a parent who is doing the wrong thing.
True. But only theoretical and never without an invitation.
Correct. My younger sister raised the siblings after her and works at a daycare. I ask her stuff all the time.
There are experiences of parenting that someone who has never had kids wont quite understand. However, overall, I agree with you. Becoming a parent is easy. A lot of people suck at it, even the ones who mean well.
Many people think that being a parent makes them an authority on parenting and that child free people just can never understand, so this is certainly an unpopular opinion.
Now watch the mods lock another interesting thread because it’s about a topic they’ve taken upon themselves to determine shouldn’t be discussed. Can a mod explain this reasoning please?
Yeah maybe they can, I just never hear any quality insights from non parents.
The one exception is a child psychologist that I know that doesn’t have kids. And their advice is just mostly good, not spectacular.
So… good one, genuinely unpopular opinion.
OP should call their cardiologist and tell them how to do open heart surgery, and if the cardiologist questions their training, OP should accuse them of gatekeeping.
Okay buddy. Give your real life example and then we can talk. This is way too general. Anyone can give advice about anything. And with good judgment, they can give valuable advice about anything.
Eh, perhaps upon occasion. However, I thought I was an expert on parenting before I actually became a parent. It turns out that I wasn’t, lol. It seems that many share this same sentiment.
Just because you’ve experienced something, doesn’t mean you’re equipped to teach someone how to solve a similar problem, experience and teaching are actually totally seperate skillsets. That’s knowledge I didn’t even learn from parenting – in the corporate world, often people who are good at a task or have had experience with a task, aren’t able to articulate why their solution worked over others, they just known that in their limited, unique experience, they figured it out.
While yeah, some folks who have been childfree might have valuable insight from their own childhood in that exact experience, that doesn’t mean their exact experience is applicable to all situations or circumstances or even to that specific child’s personality.
This reminds me of the expression that “sometimes you’re so close to the forest you can’t see the trees”. Just because you have managed to create a child doesn’t make you a good parent, and just because you’ve avoided procreating doesn’t make you incapable of recognizing where parents could use some constructive guidance.
I surprisingly agree, outside perspective is always a good thing.
I agree but I think there’s an underlying sentiment you are missing.
They aren’t saying you don’t understand your advice because you don’t have a child. They are stating you don’t understand the difficulty of following your advice without experience.
It’s like trying to tell your obese friend to just work out and eat healthy. Unless you’ve battled with food addiction and stagnation, you don’t understand the amount of momentum needed to follow such easy advice — you are still correct, but experience is much harder than expectation.
Virgins can give sex tips too?
Valuable? Not really. A general idea of something that may have been missed at first glance? Totally!
It’s all good and fine if the parents are looking for advice. So often people offer advice when none is wanted. Too many times have I seen people offer parenting advice before they ask if it’s wanted.
Proper unpopular opinion. Though with time, more and more people think that their experience reading shit online equates to real world experience, more and more people that are young or without children in adulthood think they know best because of what they read on the likes of AITAH.
If they study child development or are teachers/caregivers sure they can, especially if it fits their scope of practice.
Non parent here. Best advice, quit giving your kids iPads and iPhones when they’re toddlers. It’s okay for them to learn to deal with being bored and not having bright colors and high pitch noises blasted in their face 24/7.
Do you have an example of something you could add and a situation where adding that information would help?
Sure. I can offer medical advice. But I’ve been in construction sales for 11 years (completely unrelated to the medical industry).
I can offer advice on a lot of things. Doesn’t mean I should, or the advice will be heard.
Of course. An average nanny has changed more diapers and read more bedtime stories than any parent. An average teacher has stopped more tantrums and taught more valuable lessons than any parent. I’d happily take their advice over…you guessed it…pretty much any parent.
To a certain extent, I’d agree. There are lots of ideas that I had before I became a parent that still hold up and some that don’t. The one that I stand by firmly, especially in today’s age, is to not give kids free access to devices especially internet enabled. Lots of parents fought me on that
Not sure this is actually unpopular. Plus everyone has HAD parents, so Im sure everyone has an opinion about parenting.
I think non parents can offer something parents can’t.
I dislike kids. I will give you an honest opinion of your crotch goblin without needing to worry about their feelings. Not talking to them obviously but you so you understand where many many people are approaching the issue.
Also: most parents tune out their kids noise.
It takes a village.
>shared human experience
That they didn’t share. I’m sure some can be right about some things, and wrong about some, but if they don’t have the insider perspective of knowing all that goes into raising a kid, it does weaken their position in any discussion about parenting. Not to mention I think a lot of people take it as smug ignorance if the person without kids believes they would do everything right. Any assertion starting, “All you have to do…”is likely bullshit. Not every kid is going to react the same way and may not react in the same way in the same situation, so a particular approach is going to only work some of the time.
All I’m saying is experience can make a difference in perspective.
I was literally just talking a mom a few days ago giving her advice on how to handle her child’s desire to watch a movie rated way too high for her, and introduced her to resources that can help her screen media quickly (doesthedogdie.com specifically) in such a way that affirmed both her concern for her kids development as well as her child’s desire to have media that shows the more unsavory side of life without permanently scarring her brain. I have no children. She expressed gratitude, I went on not having kids, and I look forward to seeing her some time in the future and hearing about how everything turned out! Sometimes you need a third, non-parent perspective. Sometimes that perspective isn’t helpful, but also sometimes it is! It never hurts to at least hear what others are saying, even if you don’t implement it for whatever reason.
Oh and If a parent believes a non-parent can’t provide parenting advice, don’t ask your childless friends or relatives to watch your damn kids.
Edit- you know it🤣🤣
It is easy to give advice, it is a lot harder to put things into practice, especially when you are sleep deprived and emotionally overstimulated.
My ex therapist didn’t have kids. She would tell me to eg make a sticker chart to use with my son. I would make the sticker chart, use it for however long she suggested, it wouldn’t work and she would act like I did something wrong.
People love to say “give your kids a choice”. Instead of saying “put your socks on”, you should say “do you want to wear the green or the blue socks?” and your child will be so bamboozled, they will immediately choose one and put them on. Unfortunately my child didn’t read the same parenting books and just yells “no socks!!!” if I try this.
Dealing with children as a teacher is so different to dealing with your own child. And dealing with a child for 10 minutes or one day is different to dealing with them all day every day for years.
It’s pretty simple; even though not everyone is a parent, everyone was a child.
As a parent I would say – keep it to yourself.
I have two different kids what worked with one was useless with another and I can’t give any advice to my friends how to raise kids – what do I know about their kids? Really?
So stay quiet and carry on
You can experience parenting challenges without being a parent
I taught my sister everything she needs to know about her kid 5 months before he was born. I even sent her medical journals that she never read. She still asks me questions that she’d know the answer to if she’d read the articles I sent her.
As a psychotherapist without children, I agree with this completely. However, that valuable parenting advice that I definitely can and have offered isn’t something I ever offer without being asked, and I believe that’s really the difference between whether giving it is appropriate or not. If a parent wants to say “you don’t have kids, you can’t possibly understand” and tell me not to tell them anything, I’m happy to back off. Same thing goes for anyone in any position, ever, that doesn’t want my advice. So yeah, your position is good, but it kind of doesn’t matter because the people who don’t want advice get to make that choice and I fully support them.
On rare occasions, sure, but as a general rule, nope. Kind of like managers that have never done the job of the people they are managing, majority of the time they’re shitty managers with shitty decisions because they don’t actually understand what the people they’re managing actually do.
Nobody understands parenting, just like most complicated things, you just figure out the wrong way to do things and dont do those.
But this is tantamont to giving a professional athelete advise because you studied it…yea mayyyybe you have actual insight but realistically speaking, if you knew enough to give valuable knowledge, people would be paying you for it.
But you dont, so just assume that the folks that have kids, rightfully, dont give a shit about your advice.
First I wanna say- being a parent is one of the hardest jobs a person could ever have. Which is why I’ve decided that’s probably not for me. I’m a child mental health therapist. Most of my job is literally supporting parents by offering suggestions on how to help their kids, even though I don’t have any of my own. Any time I offer a suggestion or give feedback on what a parent is currently doing, I always say that while this works for some kids, it doesn’t work for others. Each child is unique and (most of the time) the parent knows their kid better than anyone. When I offer advice, I never ever put paint myself as knowing more than the parents because generally speaking they are the expert on that specific child. And at the same time, if what they’re doing isn’t working, what do they have to lose in trying something different? Maybe what I offered will work, maybe it won’t. And I like to remind them that just because what I’m saying will likely be helpful, doesn’t necessarily imply it will be easy. Like it’s easy for me to stand here and say, “give this a try” but when it comes to actually putting it into practice, it’s generally pretty difficult. And what works sometimes doesn’t necessarily work at another time, because everything is contextual. Also- children are always developing, what works at one age maybe isn’t as helpful as they grow older and their needs/skills change. There’s a lot of nuance to the advice I give folks. But at the end of the day, I think it’s down right ridiculous to say that just because I’m not a parent doesn’t mean I can’t offer valuable help to people who are parents.
In my time as a therapist, I’ve only ever had one parent question my knowledge on child development/parent strategies ie. “what do you know, you’re not even a parent?” This was in response to some feedback I had given him when he was doing something (inadvertently) harmful to his kiddo. My response to him was “you’re right, I’m not a parent, and I can’t know what that’s like until I am one, but I have been a child- with parents who did harmful things, and I do know what that’s like and how that impacted me.” And he grew quiet pretty quickly. What I also wanted to say but didn’t say out loud was: “you’re the one who came here and asked/paid for my help buddy, knowing I’m not a parent, so please, the door is right there if you don’t want my advice. But it seems to me the way you’re doing things currently isn’t working, which is why you’re here, so that’s up to you” lol.
Everyone has to live with them ( children)..we should all have input.
Imagine never having driven a car but giving people advice on how to drive a car even though your experience in a car is limited to being a passenger.
Mmmm. Maybe but it rarely I think. The one thing I do think noj parents are good at for advice though is giving the child’s perspective sometimes. Not so much advice on what to do. I do feel that non -parents can have little bit of value on what it was like from the kids angle though just because we non parents can remember the kid experience without the frustration of the parent at times. But to never have any parenting experience to think you can really tell a parent what they need or should do is kinda bunk
Even beyond that we’ve all had parents. We can absolutely have a valid take on parenting based on that alone.
That’s where most of my own parenting skills with my daughter came from the good and bad of what my own parents did. There wasn’t some magic switch when I became a dad. I always knew how my parents screwed up and where they did well.
Really in the fence in this one, however I’d argue that the best parenting advice would come from actual parents or child behavioural specialists. Technically anyone can offer advice especially as most of it would by opinion based on, but that doesn’t mean you should
There a lot of people that shouldn’t be having kids in general and have made less than intelligent decisions. That being said, I will never tell them publicly what I think is right (as a proud DINK).
If they have extensive experience with kids, absolutely. If not, nah.
Put it into any other context People who don’t have a car can offer valuable driving advice – maybe, if they drive other people’s cars a lot. People who don’t have a kitchen can offer valuable cooking advice – maybe if they’re a chef who can’t be arsed cooking at home. But it’s unlikely, so the default is to assume they have NFI what they are talking about.
Nope.
Ironically the only childcare provider we had who had “studied” child development was the worst caregiver we had by far for our toddler son. Unfortunately, studying something doesn’t make you good at it if you don’t have a natural inclination in the first place.
Everyone wholly disagreeing with this is totally forgetting about older siblings, aunts, uncles, nannies, and everyone else who has the experience & ability to give opinions on parenting informed by life experience.
Of course there are certain things there are unique to biological parents, but parenting is neither so complex nor so specific that it can only be understood or discussed by these people.
It also wouldn’t be helpful societally to eliminate these people from parenting conversations.
Give all the advice you want. I just won’t take you seriously unless you have the necessary experience to back your opinions up.
Sure, I agree completely. We all were children once, we all lived different lives and we all know what would have made our childhoods significantly easier and/or would have made our adult lives better. Further, I’m never going to turn down parenting advice from our babysitter, cause she’s a licensed early child educator, so I’d be stupid to think I know more than her just because I gave birth while she hasn’t. Some people really do just know more than you do, and that’s okay.
The problem I tend to find though, and I’m absolutely speaking from experience here, is that it is most often people who shouldn’t be giving advice who do, or that people are giving advice on topics that they shouldn’t. And I’d suggest that is largely what gives such a negative stereotype to it. Two examples from my life would be my abusive mother suggesting the let my daughter cry so she doesn’t manipulate me (I’m not taking advice that fucked me up as a kid from my own abuser, thanks) and someone once telling me it would be better for my tall son to have his carseat turned to front facing, long before he was developmentally ready for it to be safe. So you absolutely need to take advice given about parenting, entirely, with a grain of salt.
I think anyone who has had less than perfect parents and has maybe had a bit of therapy can offer great advice on what not to do.
Also every parent goes from having no kid to having a kid. We’re all inexperienced. Only difference is that parents see their trial and error happening in real time.
Me too. I used to be a child.
Non-parents can offer valuable parenting advice, sure, but not because they know children or are better parents, but because they can see the children from a non-parent perspective. Quite often parents get blinded by their parenting instincts and forget there’s a world beyond their nest (guilty).
Do tell me where many non-parents take child development courses and study children or work closely with them. That sentence you said alone proves you’re full of it. How I can dispute that is I work at a community College with a child development program and I can EASILY tell you right now over 90% of them are parents or want to be parents.
Those who don’t have kids I’m sorry you don’t have better advice than those who do. Doesn’t matter even if you did study children, you aren’t as versed about child raising, and here’s why.
-1. Contrary to popular belief, going through a child development course only teaches you how to monitor and guide kids….not raise them. There’s a difference between actually raising a child, let alone your child, and just educating them. So if you’re banking on just saying, “well I took a few courses on child development,” then I’ll laugh at you and say how does that make you an expert in how to raise my kid?
-2. Contrary to what the hundreds of books out there say, they are just suggestions, not facts. Any true pedagogy professional and pediatrician will tell you that every kid is different. Taking one idea and thinking it can be applied to all is wrong. I’ve volunteered enough already at my daughter’s school to see how different methods of approaching and talking to kids are needed and it’s not just 1 or 2 styles.
-3. Going off what was just said above, you only see what a child does or says for a brief time…you aren’t around them 24/7. Kids are notorious for knowing how to manipulate adults to get what they want. As much as we want to think we have the upper hand, these little kids are cunning when it comes to figuring out ways to get what they want. They can easily bullshit you into thinking they’re one way for the hour or two you see them, but you don’t see what they do when they get home. So anyone who tries to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do based on the little time they see my daughter, it’s not going to be great parenting advice
F*** no they can’t if you haven’t had kids you haven’t had to parents meaning giving parenting advice should be off the table definitely an unpopular opinion personally let’s keep it that way
I try not to get hung up on semantics, but word choice can get in the way in public discussions like these. Parents probably feel that what you’re talking about is not parenting advice, it’s caregiving advice (or child development advice, behavioral advice, medical advice, etc). Helpful information, just more limited in scope than the full umbrella of ‘parenting.’
If you reworded your headline to simply say “People without children can offer helpful info to parents,” I doubt it would be an unpopular opinion.
I lived three decades before becoming a parent; I babysat, nannied, cared for nieces and nephews, got degrees in psychology, and volunteered extensively with children. I learned a ton that has helped me as a parent. Also, I was not yet “parenting,” so there was still a learning curve ahead.
Example: I learned how to soothe infants, care for them, even how to emotionally self-regulate during hours of intense “colicky” crying. But – doing all that while also actively bleeding, warding off infection, wincing while teaching a baby to latch, trying not to tear your stitches, handling unprecedented hormonal imbalances and bone-crushing sleep deprivation, while also negotiating with insurance, managing tenuous work leave, dealing with unhelpful medical staff, all the while worrying about your toddler at home and how you’re not meeting their needs while in hospital, I am truly not even listing all the major components here – all the components of life as a parent create their own set of calculations. The things I had learned before helped, and also had limits.
When trying to help another parent, I don’t give “parenting advice” either. I tell them what worked for my child and my situation and leave them to judge if it’s applicable to theirs. Even kids with the same medical diagnoses don’t experience the same things; humility and acknowledging limits is wise.
So yes, non-parents absolutely have useful things to share. I learned a ton from preschool teachers especially. Also, “parenting” is so broad and consuming in scope that people are going to have feelings about it when someone uses the adjective “parenting” that is more limited in scope. But it doesn’t mean I won’t happily listen to things you’ve learned from working with kids.
Sure, if they are qualified or have adjacent experience as you outlined. But as someone who was a teacher for 15 years before becoming a parent, it’s amazing how much stuff is nothing like I envisaged. There is so much about parenting that looks much less complex and straightforward before you’re actually in the situation. A lot of advice from non parents is said in complete ignorance of important factors. To be fair, this is even true of fellow parents who don’t understand how their own situation is different to other people’s.
In theory, sure.
In reality, the vast majority of the time the advice is BASIC.
Not necessarily bad advice, but just the most obvious cliches that you already heard a hundred times already.
You kind of just smile, nod, and thank them for the input.