Perfect is Impossible

TLDR:
My relationship feels almost perfect, but our mental issues are making me hate myself more than I already did.

My boyfriend and I are in our 20s, we get along amazingly and spend literally every hour of every day together, be it in person or on call. There’s never been someone either of us could talk with and be with completely non-stop before and its been over 2 years of being inseparable.

That being said we are mentally not well people, we both have depression and lists of other things. Our mental issues clash in some ways that tear me apart.

Im not stereotypically attractive by any means, I’ve lost a lot of weight and have more to lose so my skins all wrong and ill just never be a regular body type. He tries his best to make it known he finds me pretty and loves me completely – but then his issues kick in. My boyfriend is a porn addict; when we are together he tries to avoid it for my sake but theres just times he can’t help it and falls into old habits. He says they are nothing but toys and hes so sorry for it making me feel lesser – we’ve both cried over this issue several times. I feel disgusting for not being comparable to these women he has a need for and he feels disgusting having that urge eat at him until he caves and he hates himself for it causing me pain.

I dont blame him in any way and I completely love this man and believe him entirely when he says we are end game.

My head just gets to me. Despite him always having reactions with me and our intimacy being not infrequent – sometimes I can only see the other women and all the things I could never be.
He’s chosen me, but he needs them.

This cycle of self hate keeps worsening.

I dont know how to love myself enough to not feel like someone he settled for. I feel ashamed to be alive.